Sahm

I never imagined I would find myself here two years ago.

I didn't start drinking until I was 30. Even at 30, I would have one or two drinks maybe twice a month. I didn't like the feeling of not being in control of myself. I would go to bars and not drink and would always wonder why my friends couldn't just go to a bar and have fun without alcohol like I could.

At 33, I started hanging out with new friends and even at 33 (pathetic) gave into peer pressure and starting drinking at the bars. Maybe 3 nights a week.

2 years later, I am drinking at home daily. Probably for the past 2 years solid. Never black out, never get sick to my stomach but drink about 5 bottles of wine a bottle of vodka and a couple beers over the course of a week.

In my mind, because I didn't black out or get sick, I told myself I didn't have a problem. Even though I knew inside I did.

I come from a family of alcoholics and so I know the patterns which is why I know I need to stop now.

That's the hard part. Each day I say, alright today's the day... But it never is. I don't even try really, the second late afternoon comes around, I think of wine and say "oh well, I will start tomorrow".

My biggest fear is boredom. How will I watch TV without being buzzed.... Sounds so boring. It's amazing how fast alcohol took over my way of thinking. It's terrifying that just 2 years ago I enjoyed life without it and now I don't know how to go without it.

I want to have a healthy relationship with alcohol like i used to, but I don't know if that's possible.

I worry about withdrawals the most. I don't want to go to a rehab and am embarrassed to tell my doctor. Silly I know but I am...

Any advice on how to pick a day to quit and actually stick with it?

trachemys

Just quit. Weekends are easier. Screw alcohol.

You aren't wired to drink. You have an allergy. You're allergic to alcohol.

Venecia

Welcome to SR, Sahm. You'll find lots of nice people here, all of whom have been where you are now.

How to pick a day and actually stick with it?

I'd say there's no time like the present. Keep an eye out for the Class of July 2015 -- that's a feature of SR for people who are all quitting to start out together. It should pop up here anytime now.

Venecia

Ah-ha! I missed it:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-2015-a.html

Highly recommend joining!

sva777

Hi, I was right where you are now. I look back at that time as a crossroads, I knew I had a problem but could not stop.

For some reason I had to keep drinking for a bunch more years, enough to put my health in jeopardy and keeping myself sick all the time. I was sick so often I started to get used to it as my new normal. For me I had to get myself drunk more than anything it was my number 1 priority, all I could think about coming home from work was my next drink.

I wish I could have quit earlier but unfortunately it took a trip blacked out by my wife to the ER. I hope you can figure it out before you reach the stage I did. I also wish I knew about this site years ago but I am happy I have it now.

Sahm

Thank you all, it is nice to have people to speak to without feeling embarrassment! This will be good, I can feel it, just have to do it now!

least

Have you been drinking today? Make tomorrow your day one. July first. A brand new start to the second half of the year.

The advantage to seeing your doctor about getting sober is that the doctor can prescribe medicine to ease the withdrawal. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. Please swallow your pride, or fear, and ask your doctor for help getting safely thru the physical detox.

As to having a healthy relationship with alcohol again... not likely. You've already crossed the line. Once you become a pickle, you can never again be a cucumber.

I tried so many times to be a normal drinker. But it's easier for me to just not drink at all. Besides, I drank to get drunk, not for the taste. Just having one or two glasses of wine wasn't enough.

Please, be safe, see your doctor for help in getting thru the withdrawal. Then make a plan for staying sober. I saw a counselor for a few years, as well as coming here every day to read and post.

Welcome to the family!

Wastinglife

I am sorry to say that you may never have a "healthy relationship with alcohol" ever again. I think everyone on this site will agree that it is impossible to go back to the days where we could just be social drinkers and able to control our drinking.

I tried for years to moderate. Alcoholism is progressive. Kinda like a slow moving train that slowly gathers speed and when you realize there is a problem and the train is going too fast, it's impossible to stop in time.

Get help now. It took that train to wreck before I got help

Lance40

Welcome Sahm - there's no better time than right now to embrace sobriety. The prospect of life without alcohol may sound boring and truth be told it may feel boring at first until you realize that's because you haven't really been living, you've just been sitting there in an alcohol induced daze letting it pass you by. It may take a bit to reconnect but once you do you'll find that sober living is far more exciting and allows you to do far more than you would imagine. I hope you are able to make the decision to quit drinking. Stick around - we are all here for you.

site1Q84

Welcome!
I was right where you are. Never got sick, rarely blacked out (only on nights I went out drinking, maybe once every year or two) but definitely drank more than I should. When I tried to stop I couldn't, and I knew I had a problem.

I'm so glad you came here. The amount of support on these forums is incredible. They've been with me every step of the way and I would not be sober without SR.

The fact the you're admitting there's a problem is a big first step. I suggest you join the class of July, as mentioned above. Try everything you can, Ration Recovery, AA, AVRT, meditation, lists, etc. and see what works for you. Lots of stuff in there about trying to moderate drinking. If you're an alcoholic, you cannot moderate. It's a dream we all have, but it's just that, a dream.

I also highly recommend the gratitude lists.
The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Actually writing down what I have to be thankful for has made a big change in my attitude.

If you're worried about withdrawal, see a doctor. It might feel embarrassing at the time, but there's no point in dying because you were embarrassed. You'd be amazed at the things doctors hear and see, and I can tell you they're not going to judge you for trying to get help for a disease you have.

I was worried about bordem as well. I drank to kill time and make things more enjoyable mostly. Those first few weeks were hard (I got replacement drink, lemon water, just to have something) but now that I'm more into my recovery I don't know how I ever had time for it. I'm busier than ever and enjoying every second of my life.

Can't hurt to try, right?

Imtehaan

Welcome Sahm..

We all have been through the same vicious cycle .which never ends.

With lots of inspiring ideas ,help and support from this forum, I decided to quit alcohol almost a month ago.. I used to drink around 2 wines of bottles ,every day.

To tackle withdrawal and to be able to get through a safe detox, I did consult my Doctor who gave me medicines to get through it .

From my experience , I can share that visiting Doctor was the best decision I made.

I , too had lots of fear.. Like , How will I enjoy watching my favorite sport on TV, if I did not have glass of wine in my hand ? How will I play music without the lovely buzz given by wine ? I also thought that , fun was in wine.. But over a period of time, I realized that wine was actually spoiling the whole fun.. I did not remember quite a lot of what I watched , while drinking.. Made a lousy music recording under influence of Alcohol and thought that Mozart was a stupid guy etc... And you , know story goes on..

Please make a resolve and get on with a sober life from today itself. 1st July is a good day. Tomorrow , never comes.. We all will pray for you..

FeelingGreat

Hi Sahm, your story is very similar to mine. I rarely drank before my late 30s and only gradually ramped up to worrying levels.

Talk to your doc. My sister is a family doctor and tells me they appreciate honesty as they often have a good idea that their patients are drinking too much anyway. Your doc may be able to advise you on safe detox.

This is just my theory, but I believe that once you've been through a period of over-drinking, even if it's late onset, you have set up the brain connections and can never go back to normal drinking. You might do it for a while, but then it starts to ramp up into problem territory.

After years of trying to moderate I just stopped, and it was the best thing I ever did because I can now stop worrying about that aspect of my life.

Tang

I'm not sure that's just your theory. I have read that in articles on the subject as well. There is an easy fix, stop drinking.

SweetBaby

Hi there! I am working on stopping too! I have been sober 5 days today. I am also a SAHM. The lonely boring times are hardest for me too! However you are a lot smarter than I! You are stopping at a reasonable point. I drank 2 huge bottles of wine a day sometimes. My withdrawals are not all gone yet. However I am better everyday. Let us know if you need anything.

CaseyW

There is a better way of life waiting for you on the other side of that decision to quit, Sahm. Make today the first day of a new and better life. Just do it. Check in here often! We're here for you.

Arbor

I can relate. I always would put off quitting until the next day. Or the week after this one. Or the weekend after that cause I HAVE to drink for that social thingy! Blah, blah, blah...there's no better time to jump into the sober pool than now. Cause things won't get better if you don't. Only worse.

Join a class here at SR. You can do it!

Carla71

I rarely drank before I was 40. I started having a glass of wine in the evenings. Then that progressed to 2 or more. Then I started moving my time up earlier and earlier to drink. I never went to bars. I did all my drinking at home.

I tried so very hard to moderate...didn't work. I always said that I would start tomorrow...never did. After three years, I was an all day, everyday drinker. I was drinking a 5 Liter box of wine a day. I was in a mess. I had to have professional help...medically supervised detox, rehab, the whole nine yards.

It was the best thing I could ever do for myself. I'll soon hit 9 months of sobriety and I feel 100% better. You can do this!!! If I can can do it, you can too. It's hard and the road isn't always easy. You'll be so glad you did.

PurpleKnight

No time like present, the longer I put it off, the more months would pass me by.

For me I had to give up on the fairytale that I could once again "have a healthy relationship with alcohol like I used to", there was a difference between what I wanted and what was achievable, and having gone round and round trying out the moderation experiment for years, I proved to myself over and over that it was not achievable!!

You can do this!!

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Sahm

Dee74

late to the thread but welcome from me too

D