minime13

I first posted this last week: Significant Other's Alcohol Abuse (last Monday) an have done a little responding and a lot of reading on this site since this first post.

I also had my first good night's sleep last night since this happened. It's made a lot of difference to look at things with a little more clarity, and from the outside.

I spent some time yesterday and today reflecting on the good and the bad of the relationship. Of course, all of the bad was rooted in alcohol, but all of the good was probably a very unique and a once-in-a-lifetime kind of compatibility. The good and sober guy that I dated and fell in love with is what I'll spend my future looking for, because of what it was.

That's the exact reason why I chose to put an end to this. I don't want to tarnish that feeling with the bad that came with it, and have it haunt me if I ever find this again. I don't ever want to associate an overwhelming disaster to something that is so pure and otherwise perfect.

I sent an email to him Monday, to preempt him from contacting me and selling me the same lines and apologies. It was honest and heartfelt, but decisive. I told him that we both know what the problem is, and it's too much to overcome. I can't keep letting the man I love slip away at the mercy of the alcoholic, and won't do it anymore.

I told him that I know he's wanting to quit, because it's almost been a weekly conversation. I told him I wish he would realize the strength he has, and I hope someday he realizes that he's worth the fight. I told him I'd support him in any way I could, should he choose to do that, and left it at that. No promises for future reconciliation (a mistake I'd made in the past), but encouragement to fight this addiction.

When he does finally reach out to me, I know how it will go. He'll apologize for what happened. He'll ask me if I still feel the same way as I did, and if I still meant everything in that email. When I say yes, then he'll start going into the explanation that he has for the failure, which will not be alcohol, but that we just weren't compatible. He just had too many times when he felt unsure, and he should be sure at this point.

I'll let him talk, and get that out. Then I will ask for my chance to respond. I'll let him know, once again, if he ever chooses to fight his addiction, I'll support him in any way I can, and encourage it. I will be one if his biggest cheerleaders, and I hope he chooses that someday. However, it makes me sad that he'd decide to blame the relationship failure on anything other than what it was, and that was alcohol. The only issues we had stemmed from alcohol and drinking, and I think he knows that deep-down.

I'll let him know that I think it's really unfortunate that he isn't ready to accept this yet, and wish him luck in conquering, and remind him again that I'll be there to support him if he ever chooses to quit. But I'll also remind him that I cannot be a part of his life as long as he continues to abuse alcohol.

I know I've still got a long way to go, but what I do know now is that I want healthy relationships in my life. I am going to continue working on myself, and make sure that I can put my best self forward from here on out, and will expect the same from others.