Gathering the courage to dump my wine
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 205
Gathering the courage to dump my wine
Hi everyone.
This is extremely new to me. I am not sure if I am a heavy drinker, or an alcoholic, but I know I have a problem. I drink at least 750 mL of wine a night (a bottle), and I always buy 1.5 L bottles of wine so that I don't run out, usually once a day or every other day.
I am a 26-year-old female (going to be 27 in the fall), and I have hypothyroidism and depression. Lately, I have been gaining more weight and feeling incredibly depressed, so I thought my thyroid most be behind it. However, I got a blood test three days ago, the results of which came back normal...but my LDL cholesterol is high, as well as my HDL. From reading online, these are likely signs of overusing alcohol (and obviously, also keeping a poor diet). Reading about cardiomyopathy and eventual CHF due to alcohol abuse doesn't make me feel great, either.
I really think I need to make a change. It's scary, though...whenever I realized I need to make a change (because it has struck my many times before that I am abusing alcohol...), I think of how impossible it will be, and no, I have to wait, because I can't possibly give it up now. Again, probably another sign of alcoholism?
My Grandpa, who I didn't know well, was an alcoholic, as well as his daughter (my aunt...also a wine drinker). My dad was a "problem drinker," but quit drinking when my sister and I were born, and now he has some beers while watching baseball games or on holidays, but that's about it. And, unfortunately, I take after my Grandpa's addictive personality (watching shows/movies/reading books over and over), not to mention the alcoholic component of that.
I guess hearing my blood test results, even just the cholesterol issues, was difficult. I am only 26 years old, and I really shouldn't be worrying about things like that at this point. I should be active, and eating right, and drinking infrequently, or at the very least, moderately. I don't know how well I can accomplish it, but I feel it is best that I just stop drinking.
Part of what is hard is that everyone knows me as that partier... If I am at the bar, even just for trivia night, or at a gathering, I tend to be more in the mood than everyone else to knock back [quite] a few. What will people say if I suddenly just order a Coke? What explanation could I give that doesn't involve intimating my demons or making me feel ashamed of myself?
What is harder, however, is literally giving up even the idea of drinking my wine every day. Even thinking about being sober now, and knowing that means I should be dumping my last half a magnum down the drain, seems crazy. The thought of wasting that alcohol that I have right here waiting for me! A whole regular bottle, basically!
I guess what I want to know from others...what I need to hear... How did you take this first step??? How did you possibly dump every drop of alcohol and be okay and willing with it? I am so afraid of being without it, which is obviously irrational, but I am also afraid of continuing on this way. I have been having aphasia the last couple years, pretty badly... I like to write, and having to stop every sentence to think of the word I want, or a synonym, is just horrible, and frustrating, and scary. It is a big possibility, too, that my depression is extremely exacerbated by the drinking, and maybe if I just stop, I will get better.
I have been without wine for a period of time before; I have taken a week or two off when I was sick a few times. So, I know I can do it, and without withdrawal symptoms (as far as I know). Yet, still, the sheer idea of quitting it just seems so impossible and scary. Any tips or thoughts or advice? Anything is appreciated. I am happy this forum is here... I don't think I would even have thought this through this far otherwise.
This is extremely new to me. I am not sure if I am a heavy drinker, or an alcoholic, but I know I have a problem. I drink at least 750 mL of wine a night (a bottle), and I always buy 1.5 L bottles of wine so that I don't run out, usually once a day or every other day.
I am a 26-year-old female (going to be 27 in the fall), and I have hypothyroidism and depression. Lately, I have been gaining more weight and feeling incredibly depressed, so I thought my thyroid most be behind it. However, I got a blood test three days ago, the results of which came back normal...but my LDL cholesterol is high, as well as my HDL. From reading online, these are likely signs of overusing alcohol (and obviously, also keeping a poor diet). Reading about cardiomyopathy and eventual CHF due to alcohol abuse doesn't make me feel great, either.
I really think I need to make a change. It's scary, though...whenever I realized I need to make a change (because it has struck my many times before that I am abusing alcohol...), I think of how impossible it will be, and no, I have to wait, because I can't possibly give it up now. Again, probably another sign of alcoholism?
My Grandpa, who I didn't know well, was an alcoholic, as well as his daughter (my aunt...also a wine drinker). My dad was a "problem drinker," but quit drinking when my sister and I were born, and now he has some beers while watching baseball games or on holidays, but that's about it. And, unfortunately, I take after my Grandpa's addictive personality (watching shows/movies/reading books over and over), not to mention the alcoholic component of that.
I guess hearing my blood test results, even just the cholesterol issues, was difficult. I am only 26 years old, and I really shouldn't be worrying about things like that at this point. I should be active, and eating right, and drinking infrequently, or at the very least, moderately. I don't know how well I can accomplish it, but I feel it is best that I just stop drinking.
Part of what is hard is that everyone knows me as that partier... If I am at the bar, even just for trivia night, or at a gathering, I tend to be more in the mood than everyone else to knock back [quite] a few. What will people say if I suddenly just order a Coke? What explanation could I give that doesn't involve intimating my demons or making me feel ashamed of myself?
What is harder, however, is literally giving up even the idea of drinking my wine every day. Even thinking about being sober now, and knowing that means I should be dumping my last half a magnum down the drain, seems crazy. The thought of wasting that alcohol that I have right here waiting for me! A whole regular bottle, basically!
I guess what I want to know from others...what I need to hear... How did you take this first step??? How did you possibly dump every drop of alcohol and be okay and willing with it? I am so afraid of being without it, which is obviously irrational, but I am also afraid of continuing on this way. I have been having aphasia the last couple years, pretty badly... I like to write, and having to stop every sentence to think of the word I want, or a synonym, is just horrible, and frustrating, and scary. It is a big possibility, too, that my depression is extremely exacerbated by the drinking, and maybe if I just stop, I will get better.
I have been without wine for a period of time before; I have taken a week or two off when I was sick a few times. So, I know I can do it, and without withdrawal symptoms (as far as I know). Yet, still, the sheer idea of quitting it just seems so impossible and scary. Any tips or thoughts or advice? Anything is appreciated. I am happy this forum is here... I don't think I would even have thought this through this far otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 55
Glad you are here!
Will you dump it for me??? I never had any to dump. I always had to drink it all before I was going to start sober the next day. That is what I told myself for 12 years. I say dump it! Its never going to get any easier than today.
Will you dump it for me??? I never had any to dump. I always had to drink it all before I was going to start sober the next day. That is what I told myself for 12 years. I say dump it! Its never going to get any easier than today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 205
Thank you, SweetBaby, I think a testimonial of sorts is what I needed...
I just dumped the last half of my magnum.
I hope this will stick, seeing as I came to this conclusion after drinking half of it tonight. I hope so, though. The terrible thing is, I thought right after dumping it that I will text my boyfriend and tell him I am going to quit drinking and that I will probably need his help... but I didn't do it because it seems like if I do that, there's no turning back... I will be held accountable. :/ How messed up is that thinking??
I just dumped the last half of my magnum.
I hope this will stick, seeing as I came to this conclusion after drinking half of it tonight. I hope so, though. The terrible thing is, I thought right after dumping it that I will text my boyfriend and tell him I am going to quit drinking and that I will probably need his help... but I didn't do it because it seems like if I do that, there's no turning back... I will be held accountable. :/ How messed up is that thinking??
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Congratulations on pouring the wine out and welcome to SR. You might think again in the morning when you're sober about letting your boyfriend know of your decision. Honesty and accountability to myself and others have both been one of the cornerstones of my recovery.
Just from all the physical issues you've mentioned, it sounds to me like you have made the right decision in stopping drinking. And alcohol most definitely exaggerates the symptoms of depression.
There is a better way of life out there. Just don't take that first drink no matter what and then you won't have to take that second or third or eighth drink that would almost inevitably follow. Stick close to here and don't be afraid to ask for help when those urges/cravings to drink come. And they will. Addiction to alcohol is serious business. I'm proud of you for coming to this decision at such a young age. We're here for you!
Just from all the physical issues you've mentioned, it sounds to me like you have made the right decision in stopping drinking. And alcohol most definitely exaggerates the symptoms of depression.
There is a better way of life out there. Just don't take that first drink no matter what and then you won't have to take that second or third or eighth drink that would almost inevitably follow. Stick close to here and don't be afraid to ask for help when those urges/cravings to drink come. And they will. Addiction to alcohol is serious business. I'm proud of you for coming to this decision at such a young age. We're here for you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 770
Welcome white turtle!
dumping the wine is a good idea.
also, I have been sober 4 years - and I still get freaked out by the thought of never drinking again. I jus dont drink today. I don't think about "forever". And all those "what ifs". As in ; what if I am on vacation on the beech and some one gives me a little umbrella drink and it is paradise?? How can I say no?? What abot toasts at weddings?? Everyone will be judging me if I don't sip the champagne.
saying no to alcohol seems like a big deal when I firs got sober because I had never done it before. I've become more and more comfortable with it.
If I have to - give an excuse ( medication , health reasons , ) but usually I can just say "nah, doesnt really agree with me" and leave it at that. It's really none of yheir businessand if it makes peopl that uncomfortable that I don't drink then chances are I'm not going to be spending a lot of time with them.
I've also had those vacations on the beach where peopel are drinking those little umbrella drinks and it's totally nice to just sip water and stay hydrated and I don't need that alcohol. It's like a mirage it wants me to think that it makes life more enjoyable but that has shown to be false in my case.
dumping the wine is a good idea.
also, I have been sober 4 years - and I still get freaked out by the thought of never drinking again. I jus dont drink today. I don't think about "forever". And all those "what ifs". As in ; what if I am on vacation on the beech and some one gives me a little umbrella drink and it is paradise?? How can I say no?? What abot toasts at weddings?? Everyone will be judging me if I don't sip the champagne.
saying no to alcohol seems like a big deal when I firs got sober because I had never done it before. I've become more and more comfortable with it.
If I have to - give an excuse ( medication , health reasons , ) but usually I can just say "nah, doesnt really agree with me" and leave it at that. It's really none of yheir businessand if it makes peopl that uncomfortable that I don't drink then chances are I'm not going to be spending a lot of time with them.
I've also had those vacations on the beach where peopel are drinking those little umbrella drinks and it's totally nice to just sip water and stay hydrated and I don't need that alcohol. It's like a mirage it wants me to think that it makes life more enjoyable but that has shown to be false in my case.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Welcome Whiteturtle!
I used to be a wine drinker too, but drank a bit less than you. I have never labeled myself an alcoholic, but that didn't stop me from giving up drinking completely six months ago. I am happier, calmer, and yes, skinnier now. I also don't suffer from GI issues as much.
I was very tired and had some nightmares, irritability, and brain fog when I first quit. Just my brain healing. I feel fine now.
SR is a good place to learn about how to cope with cravings, situations that can trigger you, and the dangers of relapse. There is also information on developing a plan.
I used to be a wine drinker too, but drank a bit less than you. I have never labeled myself an alcoholic, but that didn't stop me from giving up drinking completely six months ago. I am happier, calmer, and yes, skinnier now. I also don't suffer from GI issues as much.
I was very tired and had some nightmares, irritability, and brain fog when I first quit. Just my brain healing. I feel fine now.
SR is a good place to learn about how to cope with cravings, situations that can trigger you, and the dangers of relapse. There is also information on developing a plan.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by whiteturtle 
I thought right after dumping it that I will text my boyfriend and tell him I am going to quit drinking and that I will probably need his help... but I didn't do it because it seems like if I do that, there's no turning back... I will be held accountable. :/ How messed up is that thinking??
Fear of sobriety is very common among people with an alcohol problem. I had it in spades. It is totally irrational, but very very real.
If you stay sober it goes away. And when it goes away you will feel something you aren't currently feeling - freedom.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
If forever seems too daunting, just stay sober one day at a time. Just don't drink today. Tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
I had to take drinking off the table as an option. I had to commit to not drinking, no matter what. I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
I had to take drinking off the table as an option. I had to commit to not drinking, no matter what. I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 205
I cannot even say how grateful I am to all of you for your understanding and knowledge and advice. I am relieved to have others who understand this to talk to.
I told my boyfriend this morning. He is on vacation this week with his family, but I texted him. I didn't just tell him that I was going to be sober (I almost wrote "going to try to be sober," but I feel I should take everyone's advice and commit...), I also told him I think I have a problem, and the idea of not drinking again scares me. I now feel very ashamed after saying it to someone other than myself, or you all. It doesn't help that I am really depressed right now, so I feel like he probably just deserves to be with someone who isn't "messed up."
Sigh. This is going to be an incredibly difficult road, isn't it?
I told my boyfriend this morning. He is on vacation this week with his family, but I texted him. I didn't just tell him that I was going to be sober (I almost wrote "going to try to be sober," but I feel I should take everyone's advice and commit...), I also told him I think I have a problem, and the idea of not drinking again scares me. I now feel very ashamed after saying it to someone other than myself, or you all. It doesn't help that I am really depressed right now, so I feel like he probably just deserves to be with someone who isn't "messed up."
Sigh. This is going to be an incredibly difficult road, isn't it?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
It will get easier once you start to come to terms with your problem. You have support here. Welcome to SR, this site really changed everything for me. Put together a plan to stay sober and really really work at it. You can do it!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
It's hard, no question. The thought of giving up drinking seemed impossible to me, but I can assure you that it's the alcoholism that is making you think that. You can do this and you can live a happy life. It will involve making changes in activities and people in your life. But, it will be so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: maine
Posts: 158
yes
please stay the course and do not pick up, as folks here have written, no matter what. alcoholism is a nasty way to live. I know this well, after drinking over 30 years and just now getting sober - 2 weeks - have never felt better - even with the withdrawal.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 55
Whiteturtle I completely understand what you are going through. My husband never really knew how much I drank. So when I told him I was going to be sober I had so much anxiety I just said I am going to get sober. He said good I am glad. Then he wanted to talk about it. Asked what I would need? I froze up like a ball. I couldn't answer because I cant yet be honest with myself (only 4 days in) on what I was really doing to him, my kids and all of the relationships in my life. My mind has been so foggy!! I really feel like a crazy person. However I am trying to work and push through.
This morning I actually had a very simple conversation with my boys about how high airplanes can fly....Previously I would have been too wasted or too hungover just to sit there and give them the answer their little minds needed. I am sure you will realize the little things will happen in your life too! I hope you can take it one day at a time with me.
This morning I actually had a very simple conversation with my boys about how high airplanes can fly....Previously I would have been too wasted or too hungover just to sit there and give them the answer their little minds needed. I am sure you will realize the little things will happen in your life too! I hope you can take it one day at a time with me.
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