Need Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Down South
Posts: 15
Need Advice
I am on Day 2 of my journey to get sober, I have so many mixed feelings and my mind is driving me crazy.
One challenge I have is that my husband does not think I have a problem, or he is in denial.
In the past when I have approached him about getting outside help he said "Just stop".
Well that is hard for me, I feel like I need to be surrounded by people going through the same thing I am to truly understand.
So trying to get the courage to approach him again about supporting me in getting help.
What should I do if he just laughs it off?
One challenge I have is that my husband does not think I have a problem, or he is in denial.
In the past when I have approached him about getting outside help he said "Just stop".
Well that is hard for me, I feel like I need to be surrounded by people going through the same thing I am to truly understand.
So trying to get the courage to approach him again about supporting me in getting help.
What should I do if he just laughs it off?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It is your life, and you know what's best for you, right?
If he doesn't have a problems with alcohol, he'll never understand. Do what you have to do. If you stick around here or go to meetings, you'll learn to empower yourself with your own decisions.
If he doesn't get on board, that's okay. It's your journey.
What kind of help do you think you would like to have? Rehab or detox or outpatient? Or do you think maybe the free and successful options would work?
If he doesn't have a problems with alcohol, he'll never understand. Do what you have to do. If you stick around here or go to meetings, you'll learn to empower yourself with your own decisions.
If he doesn't get on board, that's okay. It's your journey.
What kind of help do you think you would like to have? Rehab or detox or outpatient? Or do you think maybe the free and successful options would work?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Hi Shelby - glad you are with us. 
I agree with Bim - our normies can never understand what we go through. You know in your heart that you're in trouble. Being here with those who've been there will help. You're never alone.
I agree with Bim - our normies can never understand what we go through. You know in your heart that you're in trouble. Being here with those who've been there will help. You're never alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Down South
Posts: 15
Hi Bim,
Thank you for your response, I am considering something like Celebrate Recovery, maybe AA if I don't like the other. I just feel like I need to stick close to people struggling like me, so thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I am just so scared, overwhelmed, lonely right now!
Thank you for your response, I am considering something like Celebrate Recovery, maybe AA if I don't like the other. I just feel like I need to stick close to people struggling like me, so thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I am just so scared, overwhelmed, lonely right now!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
There will always be a stigma associated with alcoholics, sadly.
I think people who struggle to understand, will never get the concept that it is more than just 'don't drink then'.
Maybe he has concerns of what life will be like if you start seeking help?
Maybe he is worried you will spend all your time at meetings or on here or you might ban him from drinking or you will not want to socialise like the pair of you did when you drank?
When it finally clicked with me, I suppose I went about my recovery quietly and in my own way.
I went to a few meetings - sometimes in my lunch hour at work, sometimes at night when my now ex was at the gym.
It did not really impact on 'our' lives.
Me continuing to drink would have impacted more.
I still see it as my battle and i will fight it as i see fit.
Just remember that this is new to you but also your husband.
Give it time.
It won't feel this difficult or different forever.
Maybe, if he see's you happier as a result of not drinking, he will come round to supporting you more.
It does not matter either if he does not think you do not a problem.
If drinking makes you unhappy, then thats all that is needed for you to stop.
Just because you are not homeless, not lost your job, not living under a bridge drinking out of a brown paper bag does not mean there is not a problem.
However, I think a lot of non problem drinkers see this as the only 'type' of alcoholic there is and if that is not you there is not a problem.
However, no-one goes from normal drinker to homeless tramp overnight.
There are stages, it can be a process.
But thats the whole stigma and misconception of alcoholism I suppose?
I wish you the best xx
I think people who struggle to understand, will never get the concept that it is more than just 'don't drink then'.
Maybe he has concerns of what life will be like if you start seeking help?
Maybe he is worried you will spend all your time at meetings or on here or you might ban him from drinking or you will not want to socialise like the pair of you did when you drank?
When it finally clicked with me, I suppose I went about my recovery quietly and in my own way.
I went to a few meetings - sometimes in my lunch hour at work, sometimes at night when my now ex was at the gym.
It did not really impact on 'our' lives.
Me continuing to drink would have impacted more.
I still see it as my battle and i will fight it as i see fit.
Just remember that this is new to you but also your husband.
Give it time.
It won't feel this difficult or different forever.
Maybe, if he see's you happier as a result of not drinking, he will come round to supporting you more.
It does not matter either if he does not think you do not a problem.
If drinking makes you unhappy, then thats all that is needed for you to stop.
Just because you are not homeless, not lost your job, not living under a bridge drinking out of a brown paper bag does not mean there is not a problem.
However, I think a lot of non problem drinkers see this as the only 'type' of alcoholic there is and if that is not you there is not a problem.
However, no-one goes from normal drinker to homeless tramp overnight.
There are stages, it can be a process.
But thats the whole stigma and misconception of alcoholism I suppose?
I wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Shelbygirl328 
Hi Bim,
Thank you for your response, I am considering something like Celebrate Recovery, maybe AA if I don't like the other. I just feel like I need to stick close to people struggling like me, so thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I am just so scared, overwhelmed, lonely right now!
Thank you for your response, I am considering something like Celebrate Recovery, maybe AA if I don't like the other. I just feel like I need to stick close to people struggling like me, so thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I am just so scared, overwhelmed, lonely right now!
Does your husband drink?
It is difficult to stay quit in the early days - all emotions are heightened. You can always stay logged onto this site on your phone, too. These early days everything seems insurmountable - I know I thought every problem was threatening in early sobriety, but if you stick with it and keep your head down, it gets better.
I tried to stay out of every conflict in early sobriety. I did a lot of saying, "Hm. I see your point," and then just going on with my plans. It isn't worth it to me to argue with people - that's just a trigger for drinking.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Stick around SR is a fantastic site for support explain to your husband he doesnt have to get it but its important that he realises you are doing this for you and to try & respect that
There is a film called when a man loves a woman its a great movie that kind of deals with this exact situation
There is a film called when a man loves a woman its a great movie that kind of deals with this exact situation
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