How do you make recovery stick?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 63
How do you make recovery stick?
Hi guys,
So I'm back on here again, after a few weeks having two day benders. The last one ended yesterday after three days. But I'm now at a loose end, it can't keep on. I've been threatened with getting kicked out by my family if I don't stop it. They say I've got to choose, them or drinking. I know that I want to quit drinking but have found myself if this cycle for years. I don't know where to turn. How do you make it stick?
Please help, I'm at a loss. If I don't stop now, I'll lose everything I have worked so hard to get. I'm finally accepting that I have a problem
So I'm back on here again, after a few weeks having two day benders. The last one ended yesterday after three days. But I'm now at a loose end, it can't keep on. I've been threatened with getting kicked out by my family if I don't stop it. They say I've got to choose, them or drinking. I know that I want to quit drinking but have found myself if this cycle for years. I don't know where to turn. How do you make it stick?
Please help, I'm at a loss. If I don't stop now, I'll lose everything I have worked so hard to get. I'm finally accepting that I have a problem
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi boombox - I think a good recovery plan is part of making it stick.
Have you explored this link yet?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Don't despair - recovery really is possible - just give everything you have to your recovery and you'll be ok
D
Have you explored this link yet?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Don't despair - recovery really is possible - just give everything you have to your recovery and you'll be ok
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Glad ya made it back.
For me I was at the end of my rope. The day after my last drunk I was out of denial, saw the wreckage I left over the years. Admitted alcohol was the common denominator in all of my problems. I wanted to die.
I made a decision. Go to AA or kill myself. I went to AA, got the big book, read it many times, liked what it had to offer- liked what it said would hap
En for me and my life if I worked for it, and started doing what it said.
And I got what it said I would.
Been free from alcohol since with the added benefit of an awesome life and I got my family back.
That took action and T.I.M.E.
For me I was at the end of my rope. The day after my last drunk I was out of denial, saw the wreckage I left over the years. Admitted alcohol was the common denominator in all of my problems. I wanted to die.
I made a decision. Go to AA or kill myself. I went to AA, got the big book, read it many times, liked what it had to offer- liked what it said would hap
En for me and my life if I worked for it, and started doing what it said.
And I got what it said I would.
Been free from alcohol since with the added benefit of an awesome life and I got my family back.
That took action and T.I.M.E.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
The answer you seek - how to make it stick - tends to vary from person to person. That's why there are so many different paths to happy sober living.
It really helped me to understand more about the science of addiction. The processes happening in my brain that made alcohol seem SO DANG IMPORTANT. When an urge comes I can now see it for what it is - I mucked up my brain chemistry. For me it really took urgency out of the urge.
Best of Luck on Your Journey
It really helped me to understand more about the science of addiction. The processes happening in my brain that made alcohol seem SO DANG IMPORTANT. When an urge comes I can now see it for what it is - I mucked up my brain chemistry. For me it really took urgency out of the urge.
Best of Luck on Your Journey
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
Glad ya made it back.
For me I was at the end of my rope. The day after my last drunk I was out of denial, saw the wreckage I left over the years. Admitted alcohol was the common denominator in all of my problems. I wanted to die.
I made a decision. Go to AA or kill myself. I went to AA, got the big book, read it many times, liked what it had to offer- liked what it said would hap
En for me and my life if I worked for it, and started doing what it said.
And I got what it said I would.
Been free from alcohol since with the added benefit of an awesome life and I got my family back.
That took action and T.I.M.E.
For me I was at the end of my rope. The day after my last drunk I was out of denial, saw the wreckage I left over the years. Admitted alcohol was the common denominator in all of my problems. I wanted to die.
I made a decision. Go to AA or kill myself. I went to AA, got the big book, read it many times, liked what it had to offer- liked what it said would hap
En for me and my life if I worked for it, and started doing what it said.
And I got what it said I would.
Been free from alcohol since with the added benefit of an awesome life and I got my family back.
That took action and T.I.M.E.
THIS!
It takes 2 things I being undisciplined resisted, WORK AND TIME! The results have been great even many years later.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 63
I think that it's the time aspect I've been having most trouble with-expecting that there will be some moment of revelation a couple of weeks after not drinking, but then when them weeks pass the memory of how bad I am also fades. I can't keep doing this to myself but I'm extremely frightened. I know I'm on a knife edge now. I just wish I could turn back the clock a year and stopped myself on that first lapse. How much more rubbish can I take? How much more hurt can I cause? It's so hard to be positive about this decision at the mo, but it's the only one which makes sense-alcohol is the common denominator in all my worries and issues.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,828
Nothing changes if nothing changes. You have to decide on a plan and stick to it. I know, easier said than done, but it's been done by many of us here. I never thought I'd make it a week, a month, a year...but here I am six years later and I'm still sober. I did it mainly with the help of this site, but there are LOTS of other options out there. Bottom line is nobody else can do it for you, you have to do it for yourself, but YOU have to make the first move.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
What is leading you to pick up?
I mean, the simple answer is, don't go anyplace where you can get booze. It's awfully hard to get drunk without booze, so no booze = no drunk.
That means staying out of bars, liquor stores, houses of friends who have booze, grocery stores that sell booze, and maybe even restaurants that carry beer/wine on the menu. Obviously avoiding some of those for the rest of your years on this Earth isn't practical, but as a starting point it's entirely doable.
Another thing that helps me is being invested in ongoing or long-term projects, whether it's singing in the church choir, or volunteering at the local school, or training for (and running) a 5K race every weekend. That kind of thing helps on a lot of levels.
Physical fitness stuff helps build pride in my health and appearance and keeps my mood from crashing. Having a proper diet normalizes mood and helps with health and appearance. Those things help on several levels, too.
But keeping booze a half-mile or more away from your mouth really does wonders for your chances of maintaining sobriety -- it makes it pretty much impossible to drink (unless you have a 3000 foot straw, I suppose)
These are lifestyle changes, they're not necessarily easy to make. Life has a certain inertia. It can be hard to turn the ship. But if that's what you gotta do to pull it off, then that's what you do.
I mean, the simple answer is, don't go anyplace where you can get booze. It's awfully hard to get drunk without booze, so no booze = no drunk.
That means staying out of bars, liquor stores, houses of friends who have booze, grocery stores that sell booze, and maybe even restaurants that carry beer/wine on the menu. Obviously avoiding some of those for the rest of your years on this Earth isn't practical, but as a starting point it's entirely doable.
Another thing that helps me is being invested in ongoing or long-term projects, whether it's singing in the church choir, or volunteering at the local school, or training for (and running) a 5K race every weekend. That kind of thing helps on a lot of levels.
Physical fitness stuff helps build pride in my health and appearance and keeps my mood from crashing. Having a proper diet normalizes mood and helps with health and appearance. Those things help on several levels, too.
But keeping booze a half-mile or more away from your mouth really does wonders for your chances of maintaining sobriety -- it makes it pretty much impossible to drink (unless you have a 3000 foot straw, I suppose)
These are lifestyle changes, they're not necessarily easy to make. Life has a certain inertia. It can be hard to turn the ship. But if that's what you gotta do to pull it off, then that's what you do.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by boombox
I think that it's the time aspect I've been having most trouble with-expecting that there will be some moment of revelation a couple of weeks after not drinking, but then when them weeks pass the memory of how bad I am also fades. I can't keep doing this to myself but I'm extremely frightened. I know I'm on a knife edge now. I just wish I could turn back the clock a year and stopped myself on that first lapse. How much more rubbish can I take? How much more hurt can I cause? It's so hard to be positive about this decision at the mo, but it's the only one which makes sense-alcohol is the common denominator in all my worries and issues.
Stick with it & you dont have to go through this ever again bud
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
"Incomprehensible demoralization" is a common feeling. It is very painful when we reach that final point - the epiphany of our woes, but today I am very grateful for the opportunity to have found that, truly.
Many die before they do - we who get sober are the fortunate ones. "Survivors of a shipwreck" and so very grateful for coming through it alive. We are like the soldiers who get to go home after the war, I suppose.
There is a season for everything. I am glad I reached the season of sobriety before the final curtain call
So very glad you are with us and if you stay sober, perhaps you'll remember the day you read these posts and join us in overwhelming gratitude.
Welcome!
Many die before they do - we who get sober are the fortunate ones. "Survivors of a shipwreck" and so very grateful for coming through it alive. We are like the soldiers who get to go home after the war, I suppose.
There is a season for everything. I am glad I reached the season of sobriety before the final curtain call
So very glad you are with us and if you stay sober, perhaps you'll remember the day you read these posts and join us in overwhelming gratitude.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi boombox, I believe the posts that already been contributed should help provide you with some perspective and hopefully urge you to look in the mirror as well. Just think about these things:
Dee, mentioned creating a plan, very important. The link he provided will assist you with things.
Tom mentioned AA or killing himself, that's a pretty powerful admission in my book. And he's not alone in those thoughts, many have contemplated putting an end to the madness...permanently.
IOAA, has forewarned you that it will not happen overnight and it takes effort.
Formerbeerlover informed you that there are literally dozens of different programs and approaches to sobriety. AA being the most common, but certainly not the only one.
Notmyrealname hits on a huge point, why do you pick up? Sounds like maybe after the guilt and shame of previous bender fades, you think you're cured...and pick up. Correct?
Soberwolf has said it: You don't EVER have to go through this AGAIN.
Now I will add mine, you mentioned your family kicking out and losing everything you worked so hard for. That's what worked for me, my wife wrote me a note, started sleeping in the spare bedroom and said she was apartment hunting. BAM! There was no f*cking way I was going to throw my marriage and best friend away for a few nightly drinks and weekend day drinking. I fought through the urges, cravings and thoughts with every ounce of energy I had. I avoided all functions where alcohol was the norm. Even weekend BBQ's with my parents. Also, I stayed silent, I didn't promise her a thing because I knew "talk" would not to a damn thing, only action. It took a month or so, and she saw that I was actually doing it. And in the end, everything worked itself out. But what was at the core....alcohol. Keep us posted. Wish you the best.
Dee, mentioned creating a plan, very important. The link he provided will assist you with things.
Tom mentioned AA or killing himself, that's a pretty powerful admission in my book. And he's not alone in those thoughts, many have contemplated putting an end to the madness...permanently.
IOAA, has forewarned you that it will not happen overnight and it takes effort.
Formerbeerlover informed you that there are literally dozens of different programs and approaches to sobriety. AA being the most common, but certainly not the only one.
Notmyrealname hits on a huge point, why do you pick up? Sounds like maybe after the guilt and shame of previous bender fades, you think you're cured...and pick up. Correct?
Soberwolf has said it: You don't EVER have to go through this AGAIN.
Now I will add mine, you mentioned your family kicking out and losing everything you worked so hard for. That's what worked for me, my wife wrote me a note, started sleeping in the spare bedroom and said she was apartment hunting. BAM! There was no f*cking way I was going to throw my marriage and best friend away for a few nightly drinks and weekend day drinking. I fought through the urges, cravings and thoughts with every ounce of energy I had. I avoided all functions where alcohol was the norm. Even weekend BBQ's with my parents. Also, I stayed silent, I didn't promise her a thing because I knew "talk" would not to a damn thing, only action. It took a month or so, and she saw that I was actually doing it. And in the end, everything worked itself out. But what was at the core....alcohol. Keep us posted. Wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back!!
You can draw a line in the sand and not go back to that place, for me doing the same thing and expecting different results never worked, instead I needed to do something different to produce new Sober results!!
You can do this!!
You can draw a line in the sand and not go back to that place, for me doing the same thing and expecting different results never worked, instead I needed to do something different to produce new Sober results!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
there are really two things you must understand in order to "recover".
First, you have to understand how addiction works. What it does to our brains and so on. There are plenty of online resources - MEDICAL RESOURCES - that explain this. Learn about it.
Second, you have to accept that this is what you have and come to the realization that the only way to keep yourself from continuing down this path is to quit. If you want to take the one day at a time approach then go for it. However, eventually you must come to the realization that this one day at a time is every day for the rest of your life. So you might as well accept the fact that you will no longer drink - ever.
Once you accept that, then taking action becomes much easier and the end result is much more attainable. Too many people fight this. And they are afraid that the life they "enjoy" will be something of the past. Well, yes it is. But in time you will realize that life is more enjoyable when your mind and body are fit and can enjoy every day activities without mind alteration or not even remembering what went on. And waking up every day feeling good about living. In time drinking will be a distant memory. But never forget why you wanted to stop. And don't think after a period of sobriety that you will be able to drink normally again. Many try it and most if not all fail miserably. Join the non-drinkers.
First, you have to understand how addiction works. What it does to our brains and so on. There are plenty of online resources - MEDICAL RESOURCES - that explain this. Learn about it.
Second, you have to accept that this is what you have and come to the realization that the only way to keep yourself from continuing down this path is to quit. If you want to take the one day at a time approach then go for it. However, eventually you must come to the realization that this one day at a time is every day for the rest of your life. So you might as well accept the fact that you will no longer drink - ever.
Once you accept that, then taking action becomes much easier and the end result is much more attainable. Too many people fight this. And they are afraid that the life they "enjoy" will be something of the past. Well, yes it is. But in time you will realize that life is more enjoyable when your mind and body are fit and can enjoy every day activities without mind alteration or not even remembering what went on. And waking up every day feeling good about living. In time drinking will be a distant memory. But never forget why you wanted to stop. And don't think after a period of sobriety that you will be able to drink normally again. Many try it and most if not all fail miserably. Join the non-drinkers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 63
I think now it's time for action-I can't stand the disappointed looks from family members anymore, or the mental beating up I give myself when I slip. It's going one way, downwards. I've spoken so much about quitting for good and the people I speak to don't believe me anymore. My plan is to do more exercise, eat healthier or even at all in the first few weeks, start checking in here every day and read the rational recovery book-some words on the website really resounded in me. I can't be complacent in this fight. It's probably the most important fight I'll ever be in.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Originally Posted by boombox
It's probably the most important fight I'll ever be in.
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
"Incomprehensible demoralization" is a common feeling. It is very painful when we reach that final point - the epiphany of our woes, but today I am very grateful for the opportunity to have found that, truly. Many die before they do - we who get sober are the fortunate ones. "Survivors of a shipwreck" and so very grateful for coming through it alive. We are like the soldiers who get to go home after the war, I suppose.
I am here to listen and help
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 7
Well first off you admitted that you have a drinking problem and that's the first step to your recovery. There's so much you could do to keep your recovery on the road to success, there's AA meetings and other groups that will walk you down to your recovery, like smart recovery.com or sos, but the most important thing here is that you have the capability to move forward with your recovery and the strength to walk down that road, people might look at you and think bad things but you are a human being and you are capable of anything and everything! Don't let anyone tell you different at all! Plus addicts are very strong people, I am a recovering heroin addict and I have been sober for 5years and I suffered child abuse for three years of my childhood, it took all my strength to overcome my addiction and my abusers for years and I worked every day to get my life back. Boombox you are sooo capable of recovery and making success a priority I'm you life, you have your family to help and soooo many programs that will help you walk down your pathway to recovery.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Getting honest with myself and thinking that I could posibly be an alcoholic. Then i got really honest and finally admitted to myself I was a true alcoholic. After that it was very clear to me that if I didnt drink things in my life will be just fine...and if i drank i can surely go back to all the old loser type of stuff i used to do. All i gotta do is not drink or do drugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,406
The real first step is truly deciding and understanding that alcohol has nothing to offer. Everything you believe about it is a lie, it doesn't make problems better, it makes them bigger, it doesn't help you relax, it adds stress to every aspect of your life, it doesn't help you have a good time, it slowly poisons and kills you. Once you can get your head clear to see that alcohol is actually the cause of 80% of your problems and the reason you can't solve the other 20%, your rational brain says, "Hey, I simply don't have time for this anymore." At that point, you are free to open up to new feelings and experiences because you are no longer consumed with acquiring alcohol, another colossal waste of time. Don't fall for the lie and make a conscious decision to stop drinking for good.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by boombox
I think that it's the time aspect I've been having most trouble with-expecting that there will be some moment of revelation a couple of weeks after not drinking, but then when them weeks pass the memory of how bad I am also fades. I can't keep doing this to myself but I'm extremely frightened. .
We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
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