LucindaVanPelt

I'm 11 days sober and okay largely, but I told my partner (who'd had enough anyway) that being with him would confuse my recovery, so we haven't seen each other since he walked out on me 11 days ago.

Now he's lonely and angry with me and I don't know what to do. If I rush seeing him before I'm ready I fear I could relapse. Why can't he understand that? Is this what it's like? A choice between relationship or recovery?

Dee74

I think if you feel you need him to not be around for your recovery's sake then that's something you need to stick too.

Sometimes we need to make a journey alone.

Sometimes you just need to have faith that if they are The One for you, they'll wait - they may not understand but they should support you.

D

Nonsensical

Put YOU first. Set whatever boundaries you need.

Everything was harder early in sobriety for me. Real life kept intruding on my recovery. Over time it gets easier.

Congrats on 11 days. That's AWESOME!

Soberwolf

Congrats on 11 days i agree with Dee's post

PurpleKnight

You need to protect your recovery at all costs, that's the most important priority!!

Great job on 11 Days, don't put that at risk for anything or anyone!!

thomas11

Dee's post is spot on. Make a priority list, if not drinking is #1 on the list, well then you know what the course of action is, as hard as it may be.

Also, please take this with a grain of salt, but he walked out on you because you wanted to improve your life, he doesn't understand it, and expects you to make a choice? Is this a good healthy relationship? Just sayin'.

greens

You have to do what's right for you or the relationship wont be at its best anyways

Anna

As others said, your recovery has to be first. It's hard for others to understand alcoholism, but you know what is the right thing to do.

LucindaVanPelt

Thank you all for your supportive messages. I really appreciate them.

I completely agree with Dee that I have to put my recovery first. To be fair, I think my partner understands this; he just wasn't prepared for the reality of my not being around while I work to get sober. Nope, not prepared. At all.

We've started to text each other again, which helps me feel less detached from him. Just to clarify: he didn't leave me because I wanted to stop drinking. He left me because I hadn't stopped drinking.

Btw, Day 13 today.

CaseyW

Congrats on day 13!

Saskia

Congrats on 13 days! I agree that you need to do whatever it takes to protect your sobriety, whether that means with or without him.

Dee74

congrats on day 13

D

ccam1973

Congrats on 13 days. Great accomplishment. Trust me, everyone around you will benefit from the effort you put into your sobriety. Protect that and you will be happier in the long run.

LucindaVanPelt

Thank you all! Your supportive messages help enormously.

Now off to have lunch with my boss and then go to an art fair. He's a heavy drinker and will no doubt want to go to the champagne bar at the fair. Champagne is my weakness.

Oh yes, and have I mentioned I dislike my job so much lately that until recently, mid-day drinking carried a potent charm?

This will be a true test of my resolve to abstain.

I'm just going to keep reminding myself that:

a) NO ONE has the power to make me drink.

b) That not drinking is the ONLY aspect of my life over which I can exercise full control.

And finally,

c) How great I'm going to feel at the end of today having NOT drunk anything and therefore making it to a full TWO WEEKS SOBER.

Wish me luck...

Nonsensical

That attitude of yours is a big problem....

For your AV!

Love the positivity! Go get'em!

Ruby2

I hope things work out for you st the art fair. Being prepared is half the battle. Stay strong and if he wants to hit the wine bar, perhaps you can continue with looking at art?

As for your partner, sometimes people feel threatened when we quit. He didn't like your drinking so he left. You're now doing something about it and he's unhappy. Can't have it both ways. Give it time and focus on you.

Dee74

How are things Lucinda?

D

thomas11

Bravo, that's pretty cut and dry if you ask me, now its time to follow through. Good luck and keep us posted.

LucindaVanPelt

I'm fine Dee, thank you for asking. In fact I'm pretty good today.

I did not drink at the art fair or at lunch or anywhere else for that matter. So yesterday made a full 2 weeks

I felt more social pressure than actual temptation when my boss offered me champagne (repeatedly), that niggling feeling like it would be rude to say no (which I realise is ridiculous).

But in the end, it was okay. I said "I won't actually" and had a sparkling water and it was no big deal.

Now working on day 15.