Social gatherings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 5
Social gatherings
I'm still in early recovery (I have 4-1/2 months now). In the first 2 months I turned down invites for social gatherings because I wasn't ready for the pressure coming with dealing with social anxiety without the "solution" of alcohol. But recently I've been dipping my toe back in to small social gatherings. Dinners out with friends or my boyfriend's friends. A few people know that I'm in recovery. But those few people (although I know they mean well), have made announcements prior to dinner there will be no drinking at our table during dinner. No further explanation is given that I know of. I'm uncomfortable with this because I don't know some of the other people attending.
Maybe it's a good thing that drinking isn't happening at dinner in front of me? But all I know is that this makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that people are "not allowed" to consume alcohol in front of me. I feel like I'm ready to deal with the situation of others having a drink in front of me, but also am not sure how to handle a well-intentioned friend. The announcement has already been made, dinner is tomorrow night. I almost feel more pressure that no one can drink, than if I was the only one who didn't drink, if that makes sense?
Has anyone gone through this? How should I handle future situations? Thank you.
Maybe it's a good thing that drinking isn't happening at dinner in front of me? But all I know is that this makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that people are "not allowed" to consume alcohol in front of me. I feel like I'm ready to deal with the situation of others having a drink in front of me, but also am not sure how to handle a well-intentioned friend. The announcement has already been made, dinner is tomorrow night. I almost feel more pressure that no one can drink, than if I was the only one who didn't drink, if that makes sense?
Has anyone gone through this? How should I handle future situations? Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
First, you are fortunate to have friends who are trying so hard to support your sobriety. Second, I understand why the prohibition against drinking at your table would make you uncomfortable. Who wants to attract that type of attention?
How is your recovery coming along? For the first few months I found it difficult to be at the same table, or even at the same restaurant, with someone who was drinking. Like you, I avoided those social situations. Thankfully, it has gotten easier (i.e. less difficult) over time. Now, I can attend these functions without struggling with strong urges to drink.
Obviously, your sobriety needs to be your number one priority. But if you are doing well, and if those at your table already know that you are sober, maybe you are ready for the challenge of being at the same table with others who are having a glass of wine. Have you thought about how you would feel about that? What does your gut tell you?
Congratulations on your 4+ months of sobriety. You are doing great!
How is your recovery coming along? For the first few months I found it difficult to be at the same table, or even at the same restaurant, with someone who was drinking. Like you, I avoided those social situations. Thankfully, it has gotten easier (i.e. less difficult) over time. Now, I can attend these functions without struggling with strong urges to drink.
Obviously, your sobriety needs to be your number one priority. But if you are doing well, and if those at your table already know that you are sober, maybe you are ready for the challenge of being at the same table with others who are having a glass of wine. Have you thought about how you would feel about that? What does your gut tell you?
Congratulations on your 4+ months of sobriety. You are doing great!
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Allie78, 4 1/2 months is just FANTASTIC, congratulation. It was over a year before I went to anything except AA meetings and the first outing was a party given by one of the AA members. July 10th will be 5 years sober for me and I'm comfortable with being sober. It just take time, rootin for ya. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 5
Thank you both for your kind words! I honestly can't believe it's been only 4 months, my old life seems so far away. I know I should be cautious of the 'pink cloud', but I am feeling amazing. I did inpatient treatment and have completed 3 months of IOP treatment.
I was always weary about others drinking in front of me. I don't have a huge issue with strangers drinking in front of me at restaurants but am still unsure on how I will handle others in my party drinking. I feel as though I could handle it, but I guess you never know how you will react to something until it happens? I've been surprised many times in the past 4 months on what will set me off and what doesn't.
I was always weary about others drinking in front of me. I don't have a huge issue with strangers drinking in front of me at restaurants but am still unsure on how I will handle others in my party drinking. I feel as though I could handle it, but I guess you never know how you will react to something until it happens? I've been surprised many times in the past 4 months on what will set me off and what doesn't.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
It sounds like you're doing great with your recovery.
I do not ever have alcohol in my home, but like you, I'd feel uncomfortable if people could not drink around me. It took me close to ten months to get to that point. It's good that your friends are supportive, but I wouldn't be okay with an announcement being made about no drinking.
I do not ever have alcohol in my home, but like you, I'd feel uncomfortable if people could not drink around me. It took me close to ten months to get to that point. It's good that your friends are supportive, but I wouldn't be okay with an announcement being made about no drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Hi Allie,
Congrats on 4 1/2 months! That is awesome!
I quit right before the Holidays last year, and hosted a couple of parties. I had no problem with alcohol in the house, but the people that attended were light drinkers, so no drunken nonsense!
I have had no problems going to restaurants with others and having them have a couple of drinks.
BUT I DO have a problem with a sister that was a big drinking buddy. She is going to stay with me 4 nights over the 4th of July. THAT I can't handle with late night drinking and large quantities. Lots of drunken nonsense! I told her that my home is an alcohol free zone this year, just because I knew I would have real problems with that type of drinking and NOT leaving at night.......
She tells me that is no problem, and she doesn't NEED to drink!
Congrats on 4 1/2 months! That is awesome!
I quit right before the Holidays last year, and hosted a couple of parties. I had no problem with alcohol in the house, but the people that attended were light drinkers, so no drunken nonsense!
I have had no problems going to restaurants with others and having them have a couple of drinks.
BUT I DO have a problem with a sister that was a big drinking buddy. She is going to stay with me 4 nights over the 4th of July. THAT I can't handle with late night drinking and large quantities. Lots of drunken nonsense! I told her that my home is an alcohol free zone this year, just because I knew I would have real problems with that type of drinking and NOT leaving at night.......
She tells me that is no problem, and she doesn't NEED to drink!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Congrats on four and a half months sober! 
Can you speak to your friends and let them know it's ok if others drink? I'd feel uncomfortable too if such an announcement was made in my presence.
Can you speak to your friends and let them know it's ok if others drink? I'd feel uncomfortable too if such an announcement was made in my presence.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Holyoke, MA
Posts: 156
Hi Allie! Congrats on your sobriety! You should be proud of yourself! I haven't made it to 2 months yet, but I'm almost there! If you feel ok with people in your dinner party drinking, I would tell whoever made this announcement to UNannounce it! :-)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 136
Hi Allie: I, too, would have been made uncomfortable by the no alcohol announcement. It's not up to me to change others; it's up to me to change me.
I had just the opposite problem last weekend. I went to an AA campout and I was worried about my ability to have fun without alcohol. It was wasted worry. I had a great time! Keep up the good work.
I had just the opposite problem last weekend. I went to an AA campout and I was worried about my ability to have fun without alcohol. It was wasted worry. I had a great time! Keep up the good work.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Yeah... That would unsettle me too. For the first year or so it was hard enough feeling 'different' while everyone around me drank. Still sometimes being the only non drinker at a table is uncomfortable. I can imagine I'd feel guilty AND different and like the cause of others' displeasure if a whole table were not drinking just because I was there.
Have you talked with your friends about it? It may help to just be open with them all about what you need - and don't need - in support of your sobriety. It's wonderful that you have supportive friends, but perhaps they need a little help and insight as to what is really helpful.
Congrats on your sobriety!
Have you talked with your friends about it? It may help to just be open with them all about what you need - and don't need - in support of your sobriety. It's wonderful that you have supportive friends, but perhaps they need a little help and insight as to what is really helpful.
Congrats on your sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Allie, 4 1/2 months of complete sobriety, right on! Regarding the pronouncement of no alcohol, it would make me uncomfortable as well. Your journey with sobriety is yours. Support is great, but has its limits. You asked if I have experience with it...yes. My father is an alcoholic, love the guy, we are clones. Before my injuries a month ago, I only drank on weekends, if I was visiting during the week he would tell me he feels bad about mixing a drink in front of me, but its part of his routine. Now I don't drink at all, and he's said the same thing on a couple of occasions. He's concerned that it will make me want want to drink and he feels its unfair to me. I tell him over and over that its absolutely not a problem and that he can do whatever he wants. I remind him that I am an adult, and if I wanted a drink, I'd have one. I created my problems with alcohol, so no one else should be restricted because of my previous issues. my 2 cents.
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