kayleezen

Hello SR,

I just wanted to reach out because two setbacks today had me grazing dangerous territory around breaking my NC with my exab.

The new al-anon meeting I have been attending is closing and that meeting saved me because I could no longer stand to attend the meetings at the place me and my exab used to go.

1. It's too close to where he lives
2. I see his sponsor and people who knew us
3. I would drive away sick and devastated we were no longer together there.

It took me weeks to wake up to how it was affecting me. A couple girls in the program I spoke to today were pushing me to return to the old meetings but I don't think that is a good idea at all.

It is heartbreaking, it's where he got sober and he moved to that location for our relationship.

Another setback was a girl who has really been there for me during the worst days left our friendship with no explanation whatsoever.

I made it through the day but I honestly had my phone number on private and was about to call him. He doesn't have my number anymore but I was scheming a way to contact him without him getting it.

My mom passed 20 years ago next week related to Alcoholism and this is just a vulnerable time for me.

Thanks everyone,

kzen

Mango blast

((((Hugs))))

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time.

Are there any other meetings, even if you need to go a little further? It sounds like a time to be very gentle with yourself, find new actions and have some good self-care.

Is there anything you'd like to do to honor your mom's memory? I'm sorry you lost her much too early and in this way.

hopeful4

I am sorry. Please don't contact him, that's not what you want or need in the grand scheme of things.

Have you thought about seeing if any of the members of your current meeting would just like to meet up and use that as your support? I usto do that with some of my Celebrate Recovery friends, and it was just as therapeutic as going to CR to be honest. Just throwing that out there, b/c I am betting you are not the only one that wishes this meeting was not closing.

firebolt

Much like an alcoholic grabbing a drink to calm a stress, contacting him will only make everything worse.

Hang in there - we are here. Sending you strength and comfort!

CodeJob

Hello Kayleezen,

If you are looking for some new friends, what do you like to do for fun? It doesn't have to be recovery 110% of the time. There's a lot to be said about trying new things and meeting new people to fill your time as well.

Hugs.

AnvilheadII

ok, this is a brilliant example of codie-power in action. because your ALANON meeting is CLOSING, you want to use that as an excuse to contact your alcoholic EX. you might as well have said, because it is raining i want to buy a giraffe.

kayleezen

Thanks keeping the faith.
I did get an invite to a new meeting on Saturday with a new girl so that really lifted my spirits and you ask a really good question about how to honor her memory.

I'm not really sure what to do except something to soothe the grief feelings I get. I do buy sunflowers, (her favorite) put a picture up and a candle maybe.

I appreciate your feedback.

kayleezen

Hello Anvilheadll,

I don't need an excuse to break NC
with my exab, I want to see and talk to him every day, I just don't. Some things make it harder to refrain, if I'm going to run game as you are accusing me of doing, I'd come up with something way better then a meeting closing.

kayleezen

I agree, I made some plans to go out and do trivia with some friends from work. You are onto something, I've been hiding in the AA world ever since my divorce. ..and I'm not even a double winner.

I need to break out but alcoholics are where I feel safe because that was mom.

kayleezen

Thanks firebolt!!

I made it through the day and I know it's not the time to contact him if ever, which kind of scares me so I set another goal for 60 days NC, after going the 30.

Thank you for your strength and comfort, my HP
carried me through the worst separation pain I've ever known and protected me...I must remember to keep praying for my exab's spiritual awakening and for God to continue to reveal his will in the relationship.

I must have wrote that prayer 100 times in the last month, I really saw it answered. My exab is sober and I'm staying away...so far so good.


Blessings,
kzen

kayleezen

Hi everyone. ..just a positive update I found a
new meeting I loved and committed to bringing
the food next week.

I also met a great girl in the process who seems like fun not just for program but in general.

The dark days and moments pass don't they but it sure takes work.

Thanks. Hope everyone had a nice weekend wit solutions and serenity.

kzen

honeypig

Kayleezen, that's wonderful news--so happy for you! What is that saying?

"When God closes a door, he opens a window, but it's up to you to find it."--Jeannette Walls

And you found it!

LexieCat

Yup, sometimes we just have to hang in during uncomfortable times and trust that things will work out. Glad you found some promising new support!

hopeful4

What a great update! Change is hard, but sometimes it forces us into an even better situation!!!

kayleezen

Hello friends and families of recovering loved ones!

I'm still in the process of replacing my two weeks al anon meetings and it's been tricky.

For those just stopping by,
my xab relapsed, broke up with me and then after getting sober again returned to the meetings and community where we were together.

I had to go NC for emotional safety. (60 days)
And also due to some possible AA girl he tried to replace me with immediately and definitely threw in my face to hurt me with, I had to stop attending my meetings which were next door to his AA ones.

It's been a huge loss and adjustment but tomorrow I'm trying a new meeting in another city and I am staying willing although I am feeling quite sorry for myself in all honesty. Change is hard for me and community means everything for my program.

Thanks! !
kayleezen