The Language of Letting Go, June 24
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The Language of Letting Go, June 24
June 24
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Detachment
Detachment doesn't come naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment.
"The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband. He had been drinking for seven years, since I had married him. For that long, I had been denying his alcoholism and trying to make him stop drinking.
"I did outrageous things to make him stop drinking, to make him see the light, to make him realize how much he was hurting me. I really thought I was doing things right by trying to control him.
"One night, I saw things clearly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn't drinking.
"I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I. When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life.
"I've had to practice the principle of detachment many times since then. I've had to detach from unhealthy people and healthy people. It's never failed. Detachment works."
Detachment is a gift. It will be given to us when we're ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free.
Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Detachment
Detachment doesn't come naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment.
"The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband. He had been drinking for seven years, since I had married him. For that long, I had been denying his alcoholism and trying to make him stop drinking.
"I did outrageous things to make him stop drinking, to make him see the light, to make him realize how much he was hurting me. I really thought I was doing things right by trying to control him.
"One night, I saw things clearly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn't drinking.
"I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I. When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life.
"I've had to practice the principle of detachment many times since then. I've had to detach from unhealthy people and healthy people. It's never failed. Detachment works."
Detachment is a gift. It will be given to us when we're ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free.
Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NJ
Posts: 95
This is perfect for me today, thank you! I am having a hard time detaching with love and maintaining it.. I keep trying and I pull myself back in. I know we will both be set free if and when I do it for real and I know and want that, but am still holding onto something. I don't know if that's my fantasy and wishes that feel too devastating to let go of or just fears of loneliness and the unknown. I know that when I have detached with love I feel healthier, but then similarly like the codependent addict I am, I "relapse" when the A gets sober and the cycle begins. With every new day I will take a new step in the direction of my recovery and remembering that detaching with love is the healthiest and right thing for me to do and to lessen my fears. Thank you again for the post!
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NJ
Posts: 95
I agree about having to work on the setting free part... I keep doing it and then undoing it.. And although I feel healthiest when I set both of us free, I also feel all the other almost harder emotions to feel and then wait to set us "unfree" again once he sobers up briefly, and the toxicity continues. It's like as I soon as I go no contact and mean it and say it, I am still waiting for him to message or contact me, and it makes me feel insane and desperate. Trying to work through that...
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