theseithakas

As most of you know, I'm in the process of trying to separate from my ABF. I've started therapy and am trying to work really hard on self-care, but of course, breaking up with someone you've been with for three-and-a-half-years is tough stuff. Yesterday, I was at lunch with one of my friends, and we were talking about her divorce from her ex-husband (not an A, but a questionable character nonetheless). She said that something that really helped her was keeping a list of all the awful things he had done/was doing to her. It reminded her that even though the good times were really good, the bad times were SO bad, it wasn't worth staying.

I started my list yesterday and man, what an eye-opener. If any one of my friends or family told me about even one or two of these things happening to them at the hands of a partner, I'd be duly appalled and advise them to leave immediately. It's helping me to see that while I love my A and I think at heart, he's a good person, he has not been a good partner to me.

I just wanted to share this in case anyone else is struggling with the decision to leave or is missing their A and wondering if they made the right decision. My friend says the list is a great antidote when you're feeling lonely and wondering whether you made the right choice....you can just look at your list and remember that this is the same person who stole percocet from you when you were sick or whatever. At least for me, that would definitely solve that loneliness problem.

amy55

Another good thing to do ...... if you have any of those nasty voicemails that they leave, save them, if you go NC and want to break them, just listen to the voicemails, you already know it's going to be that circular conversation, where everything is your fault.

I also used a tape recorder and taped conversations, I did it because I was doubting my sanity, but I listened to them when I was feeling weak and wanted to break NC.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

atalose

I'm not sure where in this process you actually are but if you are finding it difficult to block his phone# because YOU are still not ready to let go then change his name to Hurt and Pain, that way everytime he calls it's a reminder.

One of the things told to me while I was in the "process" of ending the relationship was that I was no different in giving up my drug (him) then he was in giving up his.

Never saw myself as an addict but that person looking back at me in the mirror during those times certainly was.

firebolt

This helps me a lot - thank you! I'm 4 years in with ABF...and am such a great arguer that I convince myself over and over - "it's not that bad."

Lies.

It sucks a lot of the time, and we deserve better.