Hopeless1978

Today really sucks!! Ugh. I was supposed to get together with the ex over the weekend on Saturday. He completely blows me off. So I shut off my text notifications after 7pm. Didn't look at them until yesterday. Of course I have 22 B.S. texts from him. The I am sorry, I love you, blah blah. I lost it and went on a texting whirlwind and was just mean and nasty!! He, in return got mean back!! I'm so upset and I'm so sick of crying my eyes out!!! Why can't I just move on. I really wanted to see him Saturday. I got all done up, straightened my hair, dressed super nice... Only to ball my eyes out and have mascara running down my face. I can't take much more of this. Drinking definitely popped into my head for a hot minute last night, but I didn't. Instead I went to sleep. Lord, please give me the strength!! Ugh!!

24hrsAday

you are NOT Hopeless1978! we all have to get through S#it and sometimes it is just HARD.. but, we get through it.. and MOVE ON!

CaseyW

Glad you made the decision to not take that first drink. Exes are usually exes for a reason. I don't know your situation but maybe you need to write down for yourself all the reasons that relationship didn't work.

Wishing you a better day today. Go treat yourself to something nice after work! Or ice cream. Ice cream is always nice.

Anna

Your ex sounds like someone who you should stay away from. I'm really sorry that he hurt you so much on the weekend. Good for you for staying sober.

ccam1973

Sorry you are having a tough time Hopeless. Great job on not drinking though... You won that fight last night and stayed sober.

Hang in there, drinking will only make everything worse!!

Hopeless1978

Thanks guys! OMG if I would've drank? #1, I probably would've got physically ill and #2, I can only imagine the things I would've said to him. Probably would've ended up getting into my car like a loser.. calling him over and over to say I am coming over to speak to him... having a major disastrous night... only to wake up, realize the night's events and wanting to curl up and crawl into a hole for being a complete and utter jackass!! ...not to mention probably having a hangover the size of Massachusetts!! Yes. No matter what the deal is, things can ALWAYS be worse. A LOT worse! Oh, I'm not a sweets fan, so maybe I'll indulge in a bag of chips!! haha! Salt 'n vins!!! Yum!

Dharma33

Hi,

Very glad to hear you didn't drink last night!

If the relationship is very toxic to you and risks your sobriety, have you considered blocking his number?

You are not Hopeless- you are doing the best you can for yourself by getting sober!!!

Ruby2

Sorry you had a bad time of it but I'm glad you didn't drink. Maybe don't engage with this guy anymore on any level.

My husband is still drinking and sometimes disappears. I blow up his phone with angry texts which really, are arguments I have by myself because he ignores me. At the time I'm doing it, it temporarily makes me feel better but in the long term I've found out that anger hangovers are almost worse than alcohol hangovers. So often I wanted to drink on top off all that but I haven't.

Take care of yourself. I'm glad you didn't drink. Hang in there.

Hopeless1978

OMG!! Exactly!! Wow! You just explained that right down to a T!!! Yes! Sometimes when we would text fight, same thing! It was like I was in a 1 person battle bec. he did the good ol' ignore game too! It really sucks that I carry so many AMAZING memories with him. I'm in no way sticking up for him, but I can honestly say we had WAY more great memories than bad and THAT is what's killing my heart.

Copper442

Hi sweet friend. I'm so so glad you didn't drink. I agree with the others. Time to pull the ripcord and save yourself from the prolonged heartache that will accompany remaining in contact. You deserve better.

I wish you well and well done on not drinking.

Hopeless1978

Awww!! Thanks Copper! I appreciate the kind words! Throw a very stressful time at work right now with my 2 coworkers who left, well 1 of them has their last day Thursday. The other 1 is gone. So, being stressed out at work just adds more pain to my heart (even though work has nothing to do with my heart). It's just so upsetting. I just wish I could have the love of my life back. If only he knew an EIGHTH of how heavy my heart is, he would probably give a rat's ass!! Double UGH!!

greens

He sounds like a lame-o. Take yourself on a date this weekend. Do whatever you want, eat whatever you want, treat yourself to something nice. I "dated" myself for quite a while, now I'm much better at saying no and setting boundaries in relationships. It sounds cheesy I know but in the past everything was about my partners and what they wanted , I had to learn what I wanted.
I'm sure you looked fabulous all dressed up too! His loss

Soberwolf

5000% agree with Anna you deserve better

Erikst

Sounds like you could really use some 'you time'....forget what this guy.....if this guy....why this guy.... Who cares? You need to put your recovery FIRST. If that means...no relationship...then....guess what...no relationships. Stop letting something or someone add pain to your life.

Hopeless1978

Thanks greens, soberwolf and Erikst... It's just easier said than done to forget four years and all of the memories that came with those years. Just having a hard day, that's all, I'll be fine!! ��

saoutchik

Sorry you are having such a tough time.

On the face of it - it does sound like you would be better off without his negative influence. Perhaps then at least you will be left with some good memories instead of acquiring new bad ones

Dlb

Good job for not drinking.

Debbie329

I'm having a similar problem w a guy who I've been involved w for about the same amount of time as you. I had a therapist......who told me it's unnatural for people to want to suffer.....and I certainly must have wanted to suffer cause I kept going back. There is some great advice here......date yourself.....never thought about it like that ...... I do date myself too.....angry texts.....yep.....I did that .....waste of time. I have no idea how I detached myself but I have......I think being sober for the 51 days before my relapse helped to clear my mind. You have to get away from him or he's going to keep depressing you. Stop contacting him and stop taking his calls. I'm moving to a new town .....for a fresh start......because finally in my heart and mind I know he's toxic. Save yourself.....leave him behind.

Hopeless1978

Thanks so much Debbie! It's definitely hard. Sure, I have plenty of friends for support, but through phone calls and texts mostly. Everyone is either in a relationship/married with kids or are just bummers and don't want to do anything. I feel super alone sometimes! Most of our times out were with HIS friends, because his friends were more available. I'm just down today. I'm mostly up AND down. I can usually snap myself out of it somehow, but today, mainly because I went on a texting rampage last night, is making me that much more sad. I do appreciate all of the advice and support on here. It's great to know there's still so many wonderful people out there in this Godforsaken world we live in!