Roxxxy

To have a friendship with an exabf?

As they say time heals everything. It's true. Speaking for myself, within the last two years of us having no contact, I once again am back to living a healthy beautiful life. Considering the abusive relationship I was in with ex. Yet, I no longer hold any anger or resentment towards him.

Just recently he reached out in social media to me. Just a request as a friend no message. I'm confused of what he wants??? I'm not sure if it's something he wants to say possibly??

Any comments & advice on how I should handle this situation. Very much appreciated!!!

AnvilheadII

so you got a friend request on FB? I personally wouldn't read ANYTHING into it....

it took you TWO YEARS to get back to healthy after going NO contact with this person who was once abusive towards you. I think i'd leave that door closed.

jjj111

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly I can fall back into old emotions with men. This past weekend I met up with a guy whom I was very smitten with about six years ago when we were co-workers. We got to be very close, flirtatious friends over the two years that we worked together, but he had a serious girlfriend at the time, and though things came to a head at one point and we ended up confessing that we had feelings for each other, he stuck with the girlfriend, and then moved to a different town and took up with another woman, whom he's still seeing. Anyway, long story short, I thought that I could meet up this man for a friendly chat, we were both going to be at a conference and I thought why not, no biggie, but in the end the whole thing threw me for a huge loop emotionally, I almost burst into tears when we said goodbye, and went back to my hotel room and bawled for a couple hours. So I guess what I'm saying is: take it from me, old feelings of abandonment will surprise you, just when you thought you'd moved on. Looking at your past posts, this guy sounds like he was pretty awful. I say good riddance.

ladyscribbler

Why would you want someone who treated you that way back in your life in any capacity? Do you have visions of a teary-eyed apology from this guy?
I'm guessing he's putting out feelers for a possible booty call.
Respond at your own risk.

Timetoheal12

Did you, perhaps, unblocked him or why is that he now was able to send you a friend request?

I think I would ignore him...
It took you two years to overcome all the abuse he put you trough... And he doesn't sound friend worthy. Friends don't abuse us.

I definitely won't be friends with exabf, not now, nor in the future. He is a very manipulative and toxic person. Why waste any second of my time in someone like that?

lillamy

I have remained friends with several old boyfriends.

BUT - and that's the thing - none of those men were abusive, and none of them were addicts, and I did not need to go no contact with them to regain my emotional health.

My five cents? There's nothing but heartache to gain from reconnecting with a person who had been abusive towards you. Nothing. Leave him in the past where he belongs.

Hope2014

Proceed with caution- there is a reason he is an ex! The attention is exciting, but I think you would learn quickly that he probably hasn't changed.
You say you're happy now- why risk that to end up where you were?
There are a million other guys who will treat you well and can earn your attention.
I would leave the past in the past.

Roxxxy

Haha.. Yea a teary-eyed apology would be nice! Who am kidding though right.

Refiner

Run awayyyyyyy! 😝

Hawkeye13

Bad risk for very little possible gain

I wouldn't go for it.

Just ignore or say no to request and view it as dodging a potential emotional bullet

maybear

And you never know, he could have been drunk and feeling emotional so he hit the 'friend request' button.

I wouldn't go there.

Roxxxy

Yea I get that, might have been emotional or drunk resulting in accidentally hitting send button lol

Either way... He was thinking of me or else he wouldn't have came across my profile. Means something right?

maybear

Well, it depends on what your definition of "means something". I don't think it would mean anything of benefit to you or substance. I would take it with a grain of salt.

In my opinion, since you mentioned that he was abusive towards you, it would probably mean that he is testing the waters to see if he can hook you back in, maybe he is lonely, maybe he has just gone through a break up and is heartbroken himself. Maybe he is just feeling sorry for himself.

I would highly doubt it would be anything to do with remorse or anything of substance. Otherwise it wouldn't be just a 'friend request' on Facebook. That's kind of like a 'crumb' he is throwing at you to see if you'll bite.

Be careful!

Roxxxy

MayBear, I hope you don't mind but I tried to send you a private message. I think I did it wrong lol. Can you please message me. I need to talk to someone. Thanks.

maybear

I didn't get it Roxxy. Feel free to send again!
Hope you are ok x

FeelingGreat

Hi Rox, it would give him visibility of your page and thus your life. Friendship between exs is possible, but only under very specific conditions.
If you accept, expect further contact. Do you really feel that secure?

Roxxxy

I'm ok. I was having a moment last night, emotionally about this situation. Just needed to reach out to someone one on one. I'll post here. However, I'm a little embarrassed - please no one judge me.

Ok... So since my first comment on this thread I went and accepted friend request. I was curious and wanted to see what he had to say. Yes, I was hoping for that tear-eyed apology lol. Well I haven't got a message yet. I'm a little puzzled of why he has yet sent me anything. I know I may be thinking into it a little but here are my thoughts of why he may have held back on message....

I assume he browsed through my profile and saw that I was doing really well for myself - being positive, hanging out with friends - new friendships, traveling etc. I also have a few quotes I posted during the time we broke up.. Talking about washing my hands away from toxic people and having a fresh start in life and loving life! Not to mention, I have a new friendship (best friend) with a guy that he's unfamiliar with. My best friend and I hang out from time to time (posting it on fb). Yet, I'm sure he assumes my friend and I are possibly an item.

Or maybe he was drunk and sent request?

Anyhow, since I've accepted request I've been obsessing about getting a message. I'm wondering if I should delete friendship and block? Or would it be ok to send him a message as a friend? Making it clear that of friendship only??? Is their anything wrong with saying my peace?? Advice please. I've been actually loosing sleep over this and yes I know I'm ridiculous for allowing myself this distress.

MatildaRose

Why risk disrupting a happy healthy life that took you 2 years to create. What could he offer you that would make your life better? My guess is nothing!

JKSGRL

All this distress now and he hasn't even messaged you, imagine what kind of distress you might feel if you get sucked back into ANY sort of relationship with this person. 2 years of peace and happiness and boom one little FB request and you're in a tailspin! So imagine what more contact will create, even being his FB friend will do you no good. You'll just obsess and throw away all the healthy progress you made! Believe me, I get it and I am telling you it's for YOUR best to never have contact with this person again. Block him, not knowing is so much better!

searching peace

Why would you message him? You are hurt he hasn't reached out and messaged you, how will you feel when you reach out and he still doesn't message you??? And how do you even know it is him that sent the friend request? Maybe he has a new girlfriend who is curious about you or about your relationship? And I agree with others that he is just testing waters to see if he can reel you back in for his own ego boost. Do not walk away, run away!!!! For your sake, don't message him. Clearly you do not seem over him and are now obsessing about this person over a tiny little FB request. I'm not judging and would probably do the same thing or more. Just want you to be protective of you right now. Go forward in your life, not backwards. He is not worth your time...friendship or any other way!