Dealing with guilt?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Dealing with guilt?
Ok, somewhere deep inside, I feel guilty. Now, he is a big boy, and can take care of himself. I know there should be no obligation to "take care" of him, and I absolutely have no fear anymore to do things, to confront, or leave. But there is this little flame of guilt. I am trying to determine why I feel guilty and for what. It is hard to say exactly. Perhaps I feel sorry for him? And why would I feel sorry? He insulted me beyond comprehension, I left my home because of him, so why sorry? Perhaps I pity him?
Anyone else dealt with this feeling after leaving?
Anyone else dealt with this feeling after leaving?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
There is a lot of reasoning with this. You can go with the FOG, fear, obligation, and guilt thing. Sometimes I think that we make ourselves to be so obligating, that if we leave we feel the guilt.
There is also the times that they might have exposed that hurt little boy inside of them, instead of the raging monster that they portray. We sometimes don't want to see them as the way they showed themselves to us. We want to see that sweet boy that we first saw. We can see them hurting, but they won't let us in.
We then feel guilt. It was that push/pull thing.
No matter what I ever write about my ex here, I can always remember the nice side of him, and I don't want to hurt that person. (Just, that person isn't there anymore. )
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
There is also the times that they might have exposed that hurt little boy inside of them, instead of the raging monster that they portray. We sometimes don't want to see them as the way they showed themselves to us. We want to see that sweet boy that we first saw. We can see them hurting, but they won't let us in.
We then feel guilt. It was that push/pull thing.
No matter what I ever write about my ex here, I can always remember the nice side of him, and I don't want to hurt that person. (Just, that person isn't there anymore. )
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
healthy,
It is so strange, that we just want to remember the happier times, and we can always see the person that we fell in love with. It's hard, it's really hard to see them for who they are now.
The hurtful, hateful person they became. Just remember, it was always there, we just didn't see it. We didn't cause it. We tried our best to cure it, it didn't work.
They needed an enemy, we became that person for them.
Sorry if not making sense today.
(((((((hugs))))))) and I do feel for you
amy
It is so strange, that we just want to remember the happier times, and we can always see the person that we fell in love with. It's hard, it's really hard to see them for who they are now.
The hurtful, hateful person they became. Just remember, it was always there, we just didn't see it. We didn't cause it. We tried our best to cure it, it didn't work.
They needed an enemy, we became that person for them.
Sorry if not making sense today.
(((((((hugs))))))) and I do feel for you
amy
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Toward the end with my XAH I never knew if I'd get the raging angry beast or the sad puppy dog. The puppy dog always came out when I was making tough decisions...and sometimes when I refused to give in and cuddle the puppy he morphed into the raging angry beast in front of my eyes.
I don't think the puppy is fake...but neither is the beast.
I don't think the puppy is fake...but neither is the beast.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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I don't think it hurts to have compassion for someone who is suffering. I never felt any guilt, though, for leaving when my own mental and emotional (as well as financial) well-being was at stake. I'd done what I could to support him through his near-death experience, I did not inflict any unnecessary pain when I left him, but I'll be darned if I'm going to sacrifice MY life for someone who doesn't give two hoots about his own.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
It is strange how something always happens that sends me right back to the right track. This evening, i talked to one of the neighbours. I was grilling out alone, and she knew I moved out. So she asked me, how things were going between my husband and me. So, i tell her the real reason. It was alcoholism, not some general personal issues. Then she tells me she divorced her husband because of alcoholism. And we talked nicely, and I opened up, and she opened up. And my guilt is gone. I think I have something watching over me and putting me where I should be.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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^^ the same thing has happened to me many times...God gives us everything we need and tells us what we need to hear! Glad you were able to talk to someone and get back on track. Peace to you-and guilt be gone!!
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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I feel a lot of guilt at times too.
What I've identified is that I feel that same guilt regarding my alcoholic dad. Like I always felt responsible for him, and at fault for what he was doing or going through.
I guess I've repeated this pattern with my husband.
What I've identified is that I feel that same guilt regarding my alcoholic dad. Like I always felt responsible for him, and at fault for what he was doing or going through.
I guess I've repeated this pattern with my husband.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 126
Thanks healthy again
I think your post about your neighbour has put me back on track
lol
thanks glad I read this today
as I have lots of guillt, so many people shocked and cant beleive I left such an amazing guy and father. They wernt married to him obviously.
I think your post about your neighbour has put me back on track
lol
thanks glad I read this today
as I have lots of guillt, so many people shocked and cant beleive I left such an amazing guy and father. They wernt married to him obviously.
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