Wholesome

Last night I took my son to a bbq at a parent from the schools house. In the past I would have avoided going because I was hung up on not having gone to university or finishing college. On having a real blue collar job. On having been abused in my past and being a single mother. On having a secret drinking problem and all the guilt and shame associated with that........

Anyhoo I went and I actually had a really good time, sober too! Sure I couldn't relate to everyone there or everything that was talked about and I felt awkward at first but I overcame it. It felt good to force myself out of my comfort zone. I need to do more of that so I can build a life for myself that doesn't revolve around drinking friends or situations.

PurpleKnight

Fantastic Zen!! Good to hear you had a great time!!

saoutchik

Well done Zen. You don't need to feel ashamed or inadequate very any of those things now

Hope2014

Nice job!! I think a lot of us have social phobias that we masked with alcohol. I'm learning how to be myself and really like myself too.
What I've found is that even the people with all of the fancy pedigrees have self esteem issues too. We're all human.

Wholesome

Exactly! I wasn't the only one who felt socially awkward. It was a room full of strangers invited for an end of school bbq. I don't know when I acquired this belief that I won't fit in.... well actually I do, it happened as a kid growing up in a family where everyone was addicted and if you didn't use you were the odd one out...... and there wasn't ever any emotional support. I learned to be independent from people but dependent on substances.

The weird thing is that I do fit in. I've always had a few close friends and I've never had a hard time getting a date and my co workers all like me and even in situations where inside I feel out of place and alone I'm good at faking it. Inside there is a void though...... but maybe everyone has that?

greens

I relate to so much of What you're saying.
Also, thank you fro the napoleon dynamite vid. Haven't seen that in forever.

Wholesome

It is the epitome of overcoming social awkwardness!

Soberwolf

Good stuff Zen

Wastinglife

I really don't know how to socialize without alcohol anymore. For 20 years going back to high school, alcohol was my crutch. I was a shy kid who couldn't talk to girls and was anxious in groups. Then I discovered this magical potion that made me the funniest, most charming dude in the room (at least in my own head).

I spent 5 weeks at inpatient rehab a few years ago where I was thrust into close quarters with people from all walks of life and I couldn't engage in small talk at all. A few beers, and I would be talking their ears off. I can't believe how much my self-confidence was driven by alcohol.

Wholesome

Yeah me too unless I was already comfortable with a person..... I was really quiet and withdrawn..... and then I found drugs and alcohol. There was a time as a kid where I think I was clinically depressed and my parents never even noticed, or if they did they never did a thing about it. In a weird way drugs and alcohol saved me back then, they gave me a confidence that I didn't have and a place to fit in..... how warped is that?

GnikNus

There's a reason alcohol is referred to as a "social lubricant." For those of us with social anxieties and phobias, it's one of the biggest things we have to learn how to do without the crutch.
In a strange way, it's easier without alcohol. I feel more genuine and comfortable with myself without alcohol, so that's carried into my social interactions- which is a welcomed change to the way it was before.

Dee74

I'm really glad Zen

D

FreeOwl

RIGHT ON!!

one of the best parts of sobriety is reaching that point where we can feel good about who we are... engaging with others from a place of sincerity and free from anxiety or concerns of 'not being good enough'.

When that stage is reached, we begin to find we're able to have fun and enjoy so much in life that previously may have intimidated us or left us feeling terrified to engage - at least, without a drink.

Well done.

Persys

I like to remind myself that EVERYONE is fighting some sort of personal battle in their life. Sure, some have it easier than others but the point is that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. You are just as worthy as anyone else and just as deserving of kindness and respect.

Interacting with other people is awkward for a lot of people, not just sober alcoholics. A really good way to make friends in these situations is to ask people questions about themselves- "Oh really? Tell me more about that" "No kidding, what is that like?" People like to talk about themselves and if you give them the chance to do it they will open up more and more.

You will not run into a single person who isn't a little broken or scarred from something that has happened to them. Life has a way of doing that.

Calicofish

Zen - I can appreciate your shyness. I went to a crew party several weeks ago. Now, I was not shy at this party because over the past 3 months the group has got to know each other and we became close little family. There was drinking involved, but not much - and I was sober. As the evening progressed we pulled out our guitars. I've not played to a group of people sober since I was a teenage (and that's like 100 years ago). Anyway - I played some songs, and accompanied others when they played - we were singing and having a great time. I realized after I go home that was one of the nicest evenings I'd had in a very long time. I was completely sober and doing something I loved to do (singing and playing). I think I actually got a "high" just from that - I'm sure it provides some kind of dopamine rush (probably why performers love to perform). When I wrote in my journal that night - my last line was "am happy".
In the past, my jamming would have involved lots of drinking. It was a wonderful experience to see that I could do it sober and I think actually do it better.

Anyway - my point is - you can do it too. And having a degree doesn't always make a person more interesting and often makes them boring (if that's all they talk about).

Della1968

[B][The weird thing is that I do fit in. I've always had a few close friends and I've never had a hard time getting a date and my co workers all like me and even in situations where inside I feel out of place and alone I'm good at faking it. Inside there is a void though...... but maybe everyone has that? /B]

This is me exactly!!

Listener

Sounds so familiar to me.

thomas11

I think its human nature to have some fear or uncomfortableness (is that a word?), when venturing out of your comfort zone. You should be proud of yourself.
"I went and I actually had a really good time, sober too". How's that for some awesomeness.