Stecar

Here's a little back story....My mom has been sober/clean for 6 1/2 year and she is married to a man that had been sober for 3 years. They started dating last April and got married quickly last August. They met in AA. He's friendly, he's nice, doesn't talk much. I work nights and my mom works days. She watches my son while I work. I go into work around 330 and she gets home around 530 and in that time between her husband watches my son for those two hours.

Now here's the problem. Today, I get a call from my sister that she is coming to pick up my son because she got a call from our mother saying her husband called her and had went off the deep end saying he was drunk and driving around. My 10 year old brother had been left home alone. This was around 130 today. No one knows when he had left or why out of nowhere he went to drink. My mom is COMPLETELY sober. No relapses. Nothing. She was obviously devastated because this was out of nowhere to all of us. My mom had went and found him, took the keys, their cards and told him that he is not allowed to be at their house if he isn't sober. She said he needed to figure out a place to go until then because she wasn't going to be around him like that or allow that in her home...he was acting like a drunk mess so she dropped him off on the side of a road and told him not to come home until he was sober. A couple hours later he shows up at the house and the police told my mom there was nothing they could do if he wasn't being violent or threatening to harm her because they are married and it is their house....so I guess he slept it off. I've been at work all night and that's all I know

Here's my BIGGEST problem. I no longer feel comfortable with him watching my son whatsoever. I find it extremely irresponsible that he left my brother home by himself, with no one knowing, early in the day, out being drunk and driving around. This was the first relapse we know of in three years. My mom had even said that she had never seen him like that, because she has only ever seen him sober. He does take pain pills, that are prescribed to him and he doesn't abuse them. He literally went from being one person to a completely other person and when he wakes up tomorrow and says it's not going to happen again, how am I supposed to trust that? What if my son would have been there? My sons 2. Would he have drove with him, left him there???! I feel like I completely have no way of knowing what he would be capable of because this is a complete shock to me. If my mom wasn't sober and clean, she wouldn't watch my son. I saw that side of my mom and she was a completely different person. I know I have my own drinking issues, but I can say to this day, I have NEVER put my son in harms way. I wasn't a daily drinker, I didn't binge drink for days on end, I never drank in front of him, not even one alcoholic drink. I would go out and have a night of drinking when I didn't physically have him but I never let my drinking effect his life....does it make me a hypocrit to not trust him? I don't trust anyone with my son as it is. My son has to have someone to depend on and I just feel that my moms husband is not dependable right now.

Sorry, I kind of went on a ramble. I just don't want my family to end up downsizing this day like it was nothing weeks from now. When would I know to trust again or should I ever? This was a relapse after three years, but it was a bad one. He took his friends keys and his car and was puking in it by noon!! He was beligerantly drunk by 2. I'm really at a loss for words. I don't even know how to feel about the situation. Any advice on all this would be much appreciated....

Stecar

I feel for my mom and I feel for her husband. I'm hoping this isn't starting a downward spiral. My mom has came so far also. She doesn't even socialize or go out in drinking settings still to this day. Alcohol isn't even allowed in her home and I hope she stays strong through this.

savarna

you need to find your own childcare from other reliable sources after all parenting is a thing you should be taking responsibility for not others

Stecar

I quite frankly don't know how to take your comment....my son is my responsibility. My mother has helped me with my son because I am a single mother and she loves the time she spends with her grandbaby. My family is very close and I have always felt more comfortable with my son with family over daycare.

lighter

Your children can't be left in the care of an active alcoholic. If your mother is willing to take sole care of them that is one thing. Her husband can't be a responsible baby sitter at the moment.(He can be in the house with them if sober, obviously ).

Dee74

I certainly understand your reservation about leaving your child with your mums husband again.

That's not something I could do either. Being drunk would be one time too many for me.

Is there an alternative you can arrange for your son?

D

Stecar

My mom watches him and my sister does too...I don't trust even friends with him and his dad RARELY ever helps me and it's never consistent. It's hard to get daycare in the evening also. I'm really at a loss of what to do. I only work four evenings as it is, but her husband will not be alone with him and I'm gonna keep my foot down on that. Thankfully I'm going to have three days off to really figure something out and I may talk to management about me maybe coming in an hour later or something. If I switch to day shifts, my money would be cut in half and daycare would take up a lot so I'm just wondering how I'm going to go about everything.

Stecar

My mom agrees that he will no longer be left with my son alone so I'm happy we are currently in agreeance on that. She doesn't even want him in the house if he isn't sober.

Berrybean

It is difficult, and I can understand your concern.

Have you spoken to him about it? There is no way that he should object to a frank discussion, and must understand that you need to put your child's safety at absolute top priority.

What a sad situation - I feel for all of you.

Stecar

My mom has already blown it off talking to her about it this morning like it just happened one time and now we need to move on and forget about it.

Saskia

So sorry to hear about what happened! I raised a daughter and totally understand your concerns. Can you find alternative childcare?

It sounds like you have some difficult choices to make. Is there someone you trust where you live who can help you sort through the options? At one time I took a class in decision-making and how to clarify our thinking to come to a workable solution. I've used this many times. It consists primarily of making a list of options, from the normal to the totally outlandish (eg move to another country!) - as many as we can think of. When we expand our thinking by doing that, we often can find a solution we can live with.

Good luck to you and good for you for being a concerned and careful mom.

PurpleKnight

You're son must be safe at all times with the people he is being looked after, someone actively drinking who has a drink problem, and willing to drive when drunk should now be off the list of options moving forward!!

Soberwolf

What D & PK said

Stecar

I have it worked out for this week. I want to give my mom some time to step back and look at the bigger picture. I just want what's best for my son and our family. I am hoping this was a one time relapse. Three years was his longest of sobriety. I just hope that he does what he needs to do to get on the right track and stay on it.

Saskia

Happy to hear you have this week worked out. I'll be thinking of you.

Stecar

Thank you!

Anna

I understand your upset. However, this isn't about whether or not your mother is okay with her husband relapsing. It's about whether you are okay having someone drunk/driving looking after your son. And, you're not and I'm glad you're emphatic about that. Therefore, you need to figure out a way to make it work. Changing your shift may cost you in wages, but it will protect your son.