want2feelGood

5 days sober, 5 days not allowing myself to see my alcoholic boyfriend. Very lonely, whats the point? Im miserable either way, sober and alone, or drunk with boyfriend. So I just sit home all alone this weekend while everyone else out having fun I guess

biminiblue

Why do you have to sit at home alone? Go online and search for festivals or events or free stuff in your area - then get out there.

There is so much to do!!

Go to an AA meeting. (?) The mall. Hike. Do yard work. Go to a farmer's market and make a fresh delicious meal.

Nonsensical

It's hard at first, finding new things to do with the time we used to spend drinking. It gets easier.

Bimini is right, sitting home miserable is a choice. Make a different choice!

want2feelGood

I will try to get out. there are things that are going on that i know of. I live at the beach and a ton of this happening sat/sun. but its no fun to go alone . and im very insecure now and just feel like hiding away.

LilyMarie

I used to feel pretty insecure about going out and doing anything alone, so I started wearing dark sunglasses and a big, floppy hat. It sounds silly, but it made me feel invisible, and I was able to enjoy wandering around street fairs and farmers markets and whatnot by myself.
Now more often than not I like to go to stuff like that by myself, where I can go at my own pace and be in my own little world.

firstymer

IMHO, there are similarities and differences between my drunk life and my newly sober life. The similarities are that both are pretty miserable, in different ways.

The difference is that my drunk misery seemed to offer me no future, no optimism, no hope. But you? At 5 days sober? You are getting ready to drive over the crest of a hill. You are about to see opportunity and hope where none existed before.

Please give it a few more days. I guarantee that you will start to feel better. You will feel more optimistic. And you will come to realize that your life sober will be much, much better than your drunk life.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.

firstymer

Oh. And one more thing. If you think the alternative, getting drunk and hanging out with your drunk boyfriend, is better than staying sober, re-read your post from yesterday.

"We drink then fight terribly then forget all about it then next day. Start all over again next day. On weekends we wake up, drink mimosas, then beer at lunch, then shots around dinner then fight then passout. Thats are weekends, not fun!! And I just realized from AmazeMe post, when we are sober, our time together is weird, shallow, no substance too. He is 49 yrs. old. Lives above his favorite bars. Total bachelor and I know he cant provide the future I want. We never talk about future plans, etc because we are always drunk or hungover, or dont want to get so deep. This has been 2 years now!! I'm so desperately trying to leave him and its so hard, but I'm finding its easier as I sober up and get a clear head. "

If I was you, I would rather spend a sober day at the beach, alone if necessary, than spend a weekend like you listed above.

You can do this. You NEED to do this.

Debbie329

I stay in the house more than I should too and I know that. If you decide to stay in......read a book......watch a movie.....talk to your gfs on the phone.......hang out on sober recovery.......paint your nails......take a bubble bath.....Give yourself a facial.....make your favorite meal....get something done you've been putting off.....clean your car.....hang out on your front porch......plant some flowers......those are some of the things I do to occupy myself.

Cauliflower

You don't have to sit at home being lonely. You can read a good book, organize a cupboard or two, paint something, create something, work on your wellness toolbox, work on your recovery plan, watch an oscar winner, plant some flowers, paint your toe nails, go get a manicure, go for a hike, walk on the beach, eat some ice cream, vacuum, make the bed then climb in with cup of tea! There is so much to do that will make you feel so much better!

Cauliflower

Haha! Debbie329 and I are on the same page! You get it, right?!

SDH73

I stayed home and did nothing for the first couple of weekends. I didn't try to stay super busy, a little exercise and a lot of sitting around watching tv, movies, reading. I figured that sooner or later I was going to be home alone with time to kill, so might as well lead off with that. Needed to quash that habit of drinking during "down time". Once I had gotten some time alone with sober me I started to put myself out into the world a little more.

I'm not one to be miserable because I'm alone, though. I generally enjoy my quiet time. If you feel like you need to be out doing something then by all means get out there and do things. Just be careful about which things you choose to do, obviously.

Edge78

Fridays, and weekends in general are hard for me too. It's social conditioning, like we're expected to go out and let the drinks flow. Except for me, every day ended up being Friday and, before you knew it, there wasn't any difference at all between Friday and Wednesday afternoon. I'm also in your shoes as someone attempting sobriety again, so my best bet would be not to attempt to give advice and simply offer you the support of a friend. I'll have to figure out what to do with my evening as well.

doggonecarl

I can't tell you how many posts like this one, sad about what you are missing, are followed by "So sorry, Day one again..." posts.

You are setting yourself up to relapse because your mindset is one of deprivation, bemoaning what you are missing, and of romancing the role alcohol has in your life.

You have to remember you came here for a reason. That alcohol was ruining your life. So face the choice of sobriety, while a difficult one, with some level of determination to make it through the weekend sober.

Good luck.

Dharma33

It WILL get better with some time!

As far as feeling like you will never have fun again without alcohol, I would recommend the book "Kick the Drink, Easily" by Jason Vale. IMO he addresses this issue well.

You could download it and read it this weekend

Personally, reading that and staying close to SR has and will continue to keep me sober.

There is also a meeting online here in the Chat section tonight at 9PM EST. I find it's a great start to the weekend.

Wishing you well!

least

I'd rather be sober and alone, than drunk and feeling like crap. There's plenty to do, just go find it and do it. You don't have to be alone and miserable. Choose to be happy. It's your choice.

Soberwolf

At 5 days first i want to congratulate you your doing amazing this is the hardest part in sobriety imo staying sober in the beginning for that your awesome hands down

Im not off getting wasted tonight.... neither is this wonderful community have you joined the weekender thread ?

& the 24h thread have you joined a sober class for the month & year you got sober in

Were here to support each other most importantly know that life is going to improve dramatically keep on keeping on

PurpleKnight

5 days is only a glimpse in time, you have the rest of your life and many weekends ahead to enjoy still.

My addiction kept selling me this fairytale too, and after a while I would rebel and give in to drinking, so be very weary about how much energy you give to beating yourself up over dealing with your drinking by sitting in.

The reality is you are achieving Sobriety and we can't change who we are, heading out to have "fun" at bars and clubs is a non starter, and after strengthening those Sober muscles venturing out and dealing with the temptation of alcohol at social events will become second nature, but it can't be done on the first weekend!!

Rome wasn't built in a day as they say, nor can a Sober Lifestyle be created overnight!!

Hang in there!!

Dee74

It's funny how most of us instinctively think our options are to be around drinkers or to be alone.

There's absolutely no need for you to be a hermit -= there's a million things to do that need not involve alcohol at all

here are some suggestions to get you started:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

have fun - you deserve it
D

OneLessLonely

I spent my first sober Friday evening at a bookstore with some hot chocolate. It actually was nice and I felt pretty proud of myself after. Give a sober Friday a chance and just see how it feels tomorrow morning. In fact that's how I did most of my sober firsts. I'd been doing everything drunk. Whenever I got to something new or hard, I forced myself to do just one of them sober because I had never done that. Then when I started getting proud of it I gained some strength and momentum.

thomas11

Hi wwant2feelgood, give it a go, just this weekend and then evaluate come Monday. I'll make a prediction that you will feel physically very good and experience some pride that you've accomplished something that you have not done in two years correct?