Muunray

So I come home from work at 11am and see my daughter and her boyfriend drinking beer and basically doing nothing.
Supposed to leave to go on a cruise in less than 2 weeks. I'm afraid to kick them out before we leave because who knows what they will do in anger. I'm afraid to leave with them here because who knows what they will do while we are gone.
I've almost told my boyfriend to go with his family w/o me so that I can stay home and monitor activity.
EVERYTHING they do, I swear, is just asking to be homeless.

biminiblue

hm. Well, you deserve a vacation. Lock up the valuables and tell the neighbors to call the police if they see/hear anything (that you don't want, like parties.)

Why are they in your house in the first place? Are they disabled, or just lazy?

edit to say; I read some of your last posts. She's on meth and has other issues?

You really need a vacation. Can you have someone come in and house-sit? Pay a professional house-sitter to watch the house, and empower them to call the police if needed.

zoso77

OK. So now is a good time to practice setting boundaries.

What do you believe the most prudent course of action is?

Muunray

I need to have them leave. They doing meth again I believe and not facing reality.

zoso77

Then you've answered your own question. Now it's just a matter of following through and taking the necessary precautions to protect your property.

You'll be uncomfortable having to do this, but sometimes we don't have a choice.

Muunray

Weird part is is she denying everything as if I'm the crazy one. Having to deal with this makes me feel insane.

zoso77

The term for what she's doing is gaslighting, which is a vile, disgusting form of emotional abuse. She's making you question your own sanity. Believe your eyes, not her words, and remember when her lips are moving, she's lying.

You're not alone, Muunray. You've got us to lean on.

CodeJob

Hi Muunray, This link to a recent thread has a really super overview of some boundary preparation and enforcement. The only thing you have control over is how you continue to deal with the situation. Giving up a holiday is martyrdom and a road to resentment. Best of luck!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dult-kids.html

Muunray

I keep asking why, but I know there is no reason to ask why. It is what it is. I am so fearful for her. I let her borrow my tablet yesterday. She left Skype up. I didn't know it until I took it back (found it lying on coffee table) so I could read the news in bed. Then someone called her on Skype and the whole program came up. Of course, I looked at the conversations. The stuff I read and the pictures I saw.....I fear for her life. She thinks she is doing kinky stuff to make money. I see people trying to reel her in to torture and potentially kill her. WTH. I know I brought her up smarter than that.

Refiner

Can you get them out, change the locks, and have neighbors watch for activity and call police if they see any?

Muunray

of course

AnvilheadII

she really isn't someone you KNOW anymore Muunray...drugs, especially drugs like meth, make drastic changes to the mechanics of the brain. and they lose some of their "human" as they keep using.

they simply HAVE to go. and go now. you have to quit lending her any money, electronics, clothes. you need to lock your house like a fortress, an alarm system installed would be a VERY.GOOD.IDEA and you let her fend for herself.

Refiner

So does that mean you will?

Muunray

It is the hardest thing to do. My daughter is now living out of a car with her bf. He came into my yard today and I asked him what was up he said he had a crisis last night, almost committed a crime, and was having auditory hallucinations. He called crisis line on his cell phone while in my yard who told him he should go in and be evaluated be he refused saying he would take care of it on Monday. I told him he needed to go now if not for his safety but for those around him. He claims he can control himself until Monday. I told him that was not true, that was part of the problem. He and my daughter left with him shouting his junk at me about how he did everything for me (he did nothing except eat my food and sleep on my sofa while I allowed them to stay at my house while they supposedly got themselves together) and this is how I treat him?! Suspicious they did some meth this week. She missed work all this week. My daughter calls saying I owe him an apology. I said I owed him nothing, that I told him what I felt he needed to do and he doesn't want to hear about it. She started crying and said she had to stay with him because she loves him and she loves me too. I said I love you too and I hope you survive this and hung up. UGH!

zoso77

Yeah. UGH.

It sounds like you've learned to throw down a boundary since this thread started 4 months ago. You're to be commended for that, even though throwing down that boundary probably hurt like hell.

She has to find her own way. However that goes is up to her. And now, you have to take care of you. Thanks for the update.

Gonnachange

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but you're handling this the proper way. You're not the one who is making poor decisions and their collective refusal to see that should be validation to you.

incitingsilence

He sounds like a danger. Hallucinations aren't something to ignore. There is no way to reason with any addict, but using meth adds more unpredictability to the mix...

Next boundary might be I call 911 when either of them come onto my property.

Stay safe and take good care.

atalose

It’s good you are sticking to your boundary. It’s also good you and your daughter exchanged I love You's.

Why did he come into your yard in the first place, it certainly wasn’t just to tell you he had a crisis the night before, that could have been done over the phone…………..caution caution caution…….no work still doing drugs they need money = stealing from your home. Probably thinking you won’t call 911 on them.