Need help with someone I'm dating (binge drinking)
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 27
Need help with someone I'm dating (binge drinking)
Hi,
I am here looking for advice from people who have dealt with (or are dealing with the binge drinking alcoholic).
My gf (of only about 6 months) has gotten plastered drunk now, to the point where once she passed out on the floor, and the other time, she lost her wallet, broke her phone, cut her knees from falling, etc. You get the picture.
This has only happened twice in our 6 months of dating. It is deceiving because the rest of the time we hang out, she can sometimes drink just a few, but then occasionally stuff like this happens. She is 25 years old, so it's not the college-aged fun that is socially normal.
I do not want to look ahead to a relationship where I am in constant worry about the next time this will happen.
How do you deal with this? Should I leave while I have still invested relatively little time? Should I set some boundaries with her? If anyone has been in a similar situation, what has (or hasn't) worked?
Thank you so much to anyone who can offer some experience or advice. Feeling vulnerable and uncertain here.
I am here looking for advice from people who have dealt with (or are dealing with the binge drinking alcoholic).
My gf (of only about 6 months) has gotten plastered drunk now, to the point where once she passed out on the floor, and the other time, she lost her wallet, broke her phone, cut her knees from falling, etc. You get the picture.
This has only happened twice in our 6 months of dating. It is deceiving because the rest of the time we hang out, she can sometimes drink just a few, but then occasionally stuff like this happens. She is 25 years old, so it's not the college-aged fun that is socially normal.
I do not want to look ahead to a relationship where I am in constant worry about the next time this will happen.
How do you deal with this? Should I leave while I have still invested relatively little time? Should I set some boundaries with her? If anyone has been in a similar situation, what has (or hasn't) worked?
Thank you so much to anyone who can offer some experience or advice. Feeling vulnerable and uncertain here.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I can't say whether she's an alcoholic, but my drinking started off that way and didn't develop into full-blown alcoholism till I was in my 40s.
You can set a boundary that if she gets drunk, you are going home and she can call a cab. Or you can just move on and find someone who isn't going to embarrass you and cause problems.
If you're thinking that moving on is an option for you, that would certainly be the simplest solution. People break up over more trivial things.
You can set a boundary that if she gets drunk, you are going home and she can call a cab. Or you can just move on and find someone who isn't going to embarrass you and cause problems.
If you're thinking that moving on is an option for you, that would certainly be the simplest solution. People break up over more trivial things.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
My ex showed all these same signs. If I had a do-over, I wouldn't have wasted five years of my life waiting for him to get his act together.
You've only been dating six months and you're already dreading how bad her next binge episode will be. People break up all the time for way less than what you're describing. Not every relationship is meant to be forever.
You've only been dating six months and you're already dreading how bad her next binge episode will be. People break up all the time for way less than what you're describing. Not every relationship is meant to be forever.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
Not every relationship is meant to be forever.
I see you've been a member for some time and have to imagine you've already had a chance to read around the boards and to thoroughly check out the stickies. You likely already know that she's showing you who she is and you should also already know that things are not going to change unless SHE changes them, which she is showing no indication of doing, from what you say.
I'm not sure what you'd gain by staying in the relationship--maybe answering that question for yourself would help you decide what to do.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
...college bound fun which is socially normal...
Ummm in this day and age of education and information I would be cautious when using that logic/statement
Also this person collapsed from drinking two times in 6 months-that you know of???
WARNING
DANGER
ABANDON SHIP
Move on this will be trouble down the road. Fall down drunk for an experienced and legal drinker is not good. Also if they care about getting drunk when they are out with you this would also make me leery. I hope they're paying their own way.
Ummm in this day and age of education and information I would be cautious when using that logic/statement
Also this person collapsed from drinking two times in 6 months-that you know of???
WARNING
DANGER
ABANDON SHIP
Move on this will be trouble down the road. Fall down drunk for an experienced and legal drinker is not good. Also if they care about getting drunk when they are out with you this would also make me leery. I hope they're paying their own way.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Try setting some boundaries around it with her for you.
If your boundaries aren't respected then I would consider leaving if this relationship is causing you angst.
If your boundaries aren't respected then I would consider leaving if this relationship is causing you angst.
Originally Posted by ScoobyWoo
Hi,
I am here looking for advice from people who have dealt with (or are dealing with the binge drinking alcoholic).
My gf (of only about 6 months) has gotten plastered drunk now, to the point where once she passed out on the floor, and the other time, she lost her wallet, broke her phone, cut her knees from falling, etc. You get the picture.
This has only happened twice in our 6 months of dating. It is deceiving because the rest of the time we hang out, she can sometimes drink just a few, but then occasionally stuff like this happens. She is 25 years old, so it's not the college-aged fun that is socially normal.
I do not want to look ahead to a relationship where I am in constant worry about the next time this will happen.
How do you deal with this? Should I leave while I have still invested relatively little time? Should I set some boundaries with her? If anyone has been in a similar situation, what has (or hasn't) worked?
Thank you so much to anyone who can offer some experience or advice. Feeling vulnerable and uncertain here.
I am here looking for advice from people who have dealt with (or are dealing with the binge drinking alcoholic).
My gf (of only about 6 months) has gotten plastered drunk now, to the point where once she passed out on the floor, and the other time, she lost her wallet, broke her phone, cut her knees from falling, etc. You get the picture.
This has only happened twice in our 6 months of dating. It is deceiving because the rest of the time we hang out, she can sometimes drink just a few, but then occasionally stuff like this happens. She is 25 years old, so it's not the college-aged fun that is socially normal.
I do not want to look ahead to a relationship where I am in constant worry about the next time this will happen.
How do you deal with this? Should I leave while I have still invested relatively little time? Should I set some boundaries with her? If anyone has been in a similar situation, what has (or hasn't) worked?
Thank you so much to anyone who can offer some experience or advice. Feeling vulnerable and uncertain here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Well....to be perfectly honest, I wish I had been in AlAnon 30 years ago. If I had worked that program well, I would not have been attracted to an alcoholic who turned out to be absolutely unavailable over time.
I don't want to offer unsolicited advice here, but you are young and have your entire life ahead of you. You might be in a position to dodge a bullet this time.
AlAnon would give you some great information and wonderful tools about boundary setting. Good luck!
I don't want to offer unsolicited advice here, but you are young and have your entire life ahead of you. You might be in a position to dodge a bullet this time.
AlAnon would give you some great information and wonderful tools about boundary setting. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: NM
Posts: 96
Alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease.
It sounds to me like she is putting on her best for you right now and potentially white knuckling a serious problem. My ex alcoholic fiancé started out like that but it snowballed once we got engaged. You can read my story in "I Left the Chaos" and "Anger Stage" if you want to.
No one can tell you what to do. You have to decide for yourself what is healthy for you, but I suggest you read other stories on here and decide if you think that this is what you want for your future. Think about what boundaries are safest for you.
It sounds to me like she is putting on her best for you right now and potentially white knuckling a serious problem. My ex alcoholic fiancé started out like that but it snowballed once we got engaged. You can read my story in "I Left the Chaos" and "Anger Stage" if you want to.
No one can tell you what to do. You have to decide for yourself what is healthy for you, but I suggest you read other stories on here and decide if you think that this is what you want for your future. Think about what boundaries are safest for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 333
Originally Posted by ScoobyWoo
Hi,
I am here looking for advice from people who have dealt with (or are dealing with the binge drinking alcoholic).
My gf (of only about 6 months) has gotten plastered drunk now, to the point where once she passed out on the floor, and the other time, she lost her wallet, broke her phone, cut her knees from falling, etc. You get the picture.
I am here looking for advice from people who have dealt with (or are dealing with the binge drinking alcoholic).
My gf (of only about 6 months) has gotten plastered drunk now, to the point where once she passed out on the floor, and the other time, she lost her wallet, broke her phone, cut her knees from falling, etc. You get the picture.
In my case, the real extent of my ex wife's drinking didn't rear its ugly head until after we got married. As soon as she didn't have to be on her guard to make sure that she didn't scare away a boyfriend, things went from 'sometimes bad and mostly good' to 'mostly bad and sometimes good.'
That being said, I don't know your girlfriend personally and I'm not saying that she is or will be the same way. I'm not going to tell you to stay with her, and I'm not going to tell you to leave her. What I will tell you is that you have to decide for yourself whether you can accept your girlfriend completely the way she is now, because expecting someone to change is an exercise in futility.
If her binge drinking is something that you are willing to accept as a part of her personality, then accept it without reservation. Keep in mind that "accepting" means not expecting her to change, it doesn't mean toughing things out while being miserable with life. If it makes you miserable or sad, that means you aren't able to accept her the way she is. You are always free to re-evaluate her current level of drinking at any time and decide whether you are still able to accept that part of her. Alternately, if you find that you are NOT able to accept her binge drinking, then I would recommend letting her go (sooner rather than later) so that you may find someone who is more compatible with your mindset and way of living.
In my case, my ex wife's drinking progressed and I wasn't able to accept that part of her, but I made the mistake of trying to tough it out and stay with her for the sake of 'being the good husband' in the hopes that my love for her would magically solve our problems.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
I'm not sure about this...
25, in my opinion, is still young and an angsty age which can lead to doing some pretty stupid stuff. It's hard to say whether she is an alcoholic or not. She sounds high risk though as clearly she is losing control of her drinking on these occasions. And obviously you would call these behaviours a problem.
Is she going through a difficult time? What does she say when you discuss with her?
25, in my opinion, is still young and an angsty age which can lead to doing some pretty stupid stuff. It's hard to say whether she is an alcoholic or not. She sounds high risk though as clearly she is losing control of her drinking on these occasions. And obviously you would call these behaviours a problem.
Is she going through a difficult time? What does she say when you discuss with her?
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