Faker

Last night I went to the grocery for diner and could not resist the call of the wine aisle. I bought a bottle, went home and cracked it open. Pores a glass, took a couple swallows and then quickly dumped the glass and the bottle down the drain. As a result the following things happened: I gardened with my four year old for an hour, tickled my nine year old until he peed his pants, put away dishes with my two year old, helped my 11 year old with homework and actually went to bed at the same time as my (sober) husband. Life is good when I don't drink. Tonight I went to the store again and bought a bottle. I drank half and now I'm hiding in the bathtub while the rest of the family enjoys each other. WHY is it so damn hard!?!? I think I have to stay away from the grocery for at least 30 days. Every time I am there it is like a siren call I am unable to resist. I don't have a bad life. I have a good life. Why do I feel the need for oblivion?

Jillian2563

Hi Faker. I'm sorry that you drank tonight. But you don't have to drink anymore tonight. Pour the rest out, get your pajamas on and spend the rest of the evening with your family.

Sorry for not directly answering your question. I'm still new to sobriety as well.

DrunkenDonuts

Hi Faker!

In Australia they aren't allowed to sell alcohol in supermarkets. I can't imagine how hard it is to do your grocery shopping with the temptation so close! Good luck in avoiding that aisle. Is there another grocery place that doesn't sell alcohol?

Also, I'm sorry about this... But I'm calling the police on you. The tickle police. As you stated: Tickling a child is completely lawful, but when a child can't control their bladder due to sustained and skillful tickling, it becomes a matter for the tickle cops.

Faker

I pored the other half down the drain. Our groceries even sell liquor. I'm grateful that isn't my poison. Thank you for your encouragement! And p.s. he only peed a little and then begged me to tickle him some more!

GroundhogDay

I used to struggle with not buying wine at the grocery store, but not anymore. Over time, if you stay sober, you will learn to ignore it. The stores don't make it easy though. Mine has wine displays all over the store, not just in one section. Sometimes I get pestered by someone giving out tastings. I just smile and say "no thank you."

Dee74

Many of us falter a time or two Faker. Look at your plan and beef it up a little maybe.

Do you really need to go down the wine aisle at all?

D

CaseyW

Maybe instead of not shopping at all, you could just change grocery stores for a while. Even if the new store also sold booze, it might be good for you to change your routine.

But remember there's nothing magical about a bottle of wine that makes you pick it up and purchase it. It's poison for you and for me. Plain and simple.

Your nice night yesterday sounds great. Make room for more of those. You can have a better way of life as long as you don't take that first drink no matter what.

ScottFromWI

It can be very hard if you don't have a plan or support Faker...do you follow/utilize any formal type of sobriety plan? There are a lot of ways to attack this....meetings, counseling, self help, etc.

happyandfree

I'd say avoid that aisle and don't buy any wine. You must resist the temptation. Don't have it in the house. Then you can have family fun and won't have to hide in the bathroom.

Faker

It's so true. I know logically to stay away from that side of the store. No need. It is like a ridiculous magnet. I do utilize therapy, but I haven't been honest with her about how much I crave drink. I have only just begun being more honest with my husband. He knows my family history and I was totally sober until 5 years ago. The past two have felt like a problem. I am slowly admitting to him how much. I've admitted it to myself, but not really to anyone else.

amazeme

This reminds me of all the times I was weak after I told myself no, I am not gonna drink anymore. Of course I would always buy a bottle, get wasted, wakeup feel horrible then, pour the bottle out only to buy another the next day. I don't miss that at all.

I hope you find comfort in the fact you are not alone, we've all been there. You will get past this. We are all rootin' for you.

alphaomega

The wine section still stops me in my tracks. As do the displays by the registers. I tend to just speed up now when I see them. Out of sight, out of mind.

Recently at a restaurant I flipped the menu over for just a second not realizing it was the wine list. My eyes found their way immediately to my all time favorite. I had to flip it back over and quickly stuff a piece of bread in my mouth. Figured it would ruin the buzz and therefore keep me away from temptation.

I do very much look forward to the days where I'm no longer triggered by such things. Unfortunately, I'm not there yet.

But thought aren't the same things as actions. So long as we don't entertain them to the point of giving in, it's ok to allow them to come up and pass through.

Ruby2

When I first quit I made sure I shopped at different times than I'd usually shop, right after work. I made sure I wasn't hungry. The acronym HALT, hungry angry lonely tired, covers the more common triggers. If I felt like I would drift, I planned on asking my mother to shop with me. Maybe shop with your husband or your kids.

In time, it will get easier. When I shop now, the wall of wine is a back drop to the store. I've passed people handing out samples. No thank you! Recently I saw a sign, that I did look at. It said "great news!!!!! We are now authorized to sell alcohol at 8:00 a.m. on Sunday!!". The old me would have been there on the dot and gotten my weekly shopping done and then gone home to get wasted and waste the day. Except that I'd always manage to forget or run out of something so that I had to go back. Every day. Make a list and don't manufacture a crisis that you're out of the essentials. I did.

Hang in there. Be honest with your counselor. They can only be as helpful as you are honest. Took me a long time to get there

Faker

Yes, yes, yes Ruby2. I always manufacture emergency trips! Shopping with the kids or husband is a great idea. I have a counciling appt coming soon. My goal is to be real with her about my problem.

Meraviglioso

Hi Faker, I've read some of your other posts as well and I see so much of myself in your posts. I too have a terrible addiction to wine and do most of my drinking by myself at home. I also have a fantastic life. I have two beautiful, well behaved smart and funny boys, I live in a beautiful home- it is tiny but every time I walk into it I love it like the first time, I have a gorgeous yard for my boys to play in, I have a beautiful both inside and out boyfriend, I have a fantastic relationship with my children's father, his family and his long-term girlfriend, I have enough work to pay my bills with a little leftover for special treats now and again, I seriously could not ask for more in this life. I live in a wonderful, heavenly scented, picturesque town in a seaside villa in Tuscany, Italy, really now…. life is great. Yet I will ruin it ALL and lose it ALL if I continue to drink. I have gone to psychologists and therapists and they all want to blame my drinking on this that or the other. I have had my fair share of really traumatic events, but in my heart of hearts I cannot blame my drinking on those events alone. I consider my alcoholism a physiological illness, not psychological (though I do think for some people it is a psychological illness) I don't think any amount of self awareness or therapy will help me. I think the only answer is just not to drink ever because I can't and what is wrong with me will never be able to be fixed.
I totally understand the grocery store. Here they sell everything in the store, but my downfall is the wine. Honest to god, you can find a decent bottle of wine for less than what some fancy waters cost. As soon as I get through produce there is the isle of "specials" for the week which include pastas on sale, canned goods, shampoos, whatever, and of course every week is the wine specials. There is no way to get through the store without passing this area. The way the store is set up you MUST pass this specials area. It is HELL. Like you, it gets me every time. The answer is SO SIMPLE!!!! Just don't buy it, I know. But as you know, this simple answer proves to be difficult.
I am sorry I don't have any answers for you or anything constructive or helpful to say. I just wanted to say hello and let you know that you are not alone, I understand you completely.
I have recently checked back in to SR after a long absence, I look forward to reading more of your posts because I too like to feel like I am not alone and it helps to see my own experiences written out by others.

Ruby2

Did I really need quinoa at 7:00 p.m.? Always forgot to get milk, or bread. Oops. Yes, the things I told myself.

I'm glad you will see your counselor. Once I was completely honest about how much I was drinking and how often, it was so freeing. It really helped kick start my recovery. It wasn't a dirty shameful secret anymore. My doctor didn't recoil in horror. She didn't shame me or belittle me. She was concerned. Good luck!

Dharma33

Yes, yes, yes- ladies, I am right there with you!! My wine affair was very similar.

Faker, I broke up with red wine 32 days ago. The first week was a struggle. Not because of physical withdrawals, but mentally having to re-train myself to not have that glass in my hand. For years I tried to moderate, a glass or two- then I will stop. That rarely happened, and if it did- the process was exhausting to me when my only goal was to drink every last drop within sight.

Over all those years, I lost myself, who I really am. I've functioned as a mom, wife, stand-up member of the community. With the hangovers, the guilt, shame and general weight off of my shoulders I am so much better at everything I do. It is said a lot, but it is true- it gets so much better with a little time. I laugh, smile, and enjoy moments I only thought were possible with a buzz. And time with my kids? Awesome.

LOL Ruby- quinoa at 7pm? Oh yeah- I always had an emergency grocery run, too! Every.Single.Day. But now I am free. I don't have to pretend to be having a dinner party, choosing reds to go with a made up dish I was making that weekend. (Party of one!) I don't have to worry about rotating stores or cashiers so that no one will 'know'. I don't have to hide the empty bottle of wine I already downed from my husband so he will think I am having my first glass with him. Freedom.

You can do this, Faker! (You don't have to be a faker any more- you can be real and true)! There is a lot of support here. Welcome!

Meraviglioso

Wow, this is me in a nutshell. I do it all, I volunteer at the school, at the library, I work, I raise my kids, I have a clean home, I get to them gym every morning bright and early, I cook good meals, I read the bedtime books, but I do it all either drunk or hungover. Enough. We are better than this and deserve more!

PurpleKnight

Go at things again, but change up your plan!!

Grocery shopping for me needed to become a weekly outing, I needed to plan my meals out and only go each week, that way I'd have a week's worth of Sobriety behind me at a time, and not the daily temptation of the alcohol aisle.

You can do this!!

mcfearless

If you just don't buy it I can bet you 30 minutes later that craving is gone. I don't mean to over simplify it but that craving exists in a moment and that moment can pass if you just give it a chance. Try remind yourself of this next time.....just give it 30 mins, start doing something else and it will likely go away. If you're able to have a glass and pour the rest away then you're still in the mild stages of addiction I think. Tackle it now ! No better time than now ! Because these things only get worse.