search4answer

My husband came out of rehab recently but relapsed. He got admitted to detox but he checked himself out. He wasn't talking to me and seemed angry with me (I had outlined some boundaries before he went to detox that he did not like).

He came home, ate, had me fill his gas and without picking any bags, he just left yesterday evening. He doesn't have a single dollar with him and his phone is off. Its now close to 24 hours and I haven't heard from him.

He has few friends and I reached out to most of them and he is not with any of them. I am dead worried about him. I am struggling, not sure what to do. One of the friends said to wait till tomorrow before calling the cops but I am debating. Need some good advise.

Thanks in advance!

ladyscribbler

What are/were your boundaries?
Sounds like he's on a bender. If he needed anything he would have come home and gotten it. Are you protected financially? Can he get money from your joint accounts or take out cash advances on a credit card? Whose name is on the car title/loan/insurance?
Sorry if that sounds mercenary, but if he wasn't OK you would have heard from the police or hospital because you are his next of kin.
It's possible that he met someone in rehab and is holed up with them. You can contact the police, but I'm not sure what they would do since he's an adult and is gone voluntarily.
So sorry you're going through this. Do you have children?

iGirl66

I'm so sorry you are going through this! The not knowing is awful. Are you totally sure that he has no resources anywhere or is not being enabled by someone that you don't know? LS is right, if he had been hurt, you'd know it. My first thought was the rehab hook up syndrome. It's very common for them to meet someone equally sick who will not question, judge or set boundaries and run off thinking that they are "free" to start again. Unfortunately, it usually turns into a bigger trap. Definitely close joint accounts and protect yourself.

If he's on a bender he has to have money for booze. A full tank of gas can get you pretty far. Given his condition, I don't think it would be too early to have the police looking out for the car.

LexieCat

He just left. Willingly. The police are not going to be out searching for someone who disappeared on purpose. He won't be considered a "missing person."

I'm sorry for your anxiety and pain. I agree with LadyScribbler. Watch your accounts. If he doesn't show up in a few days I'd consult a lawyer to see what you need to do to protect yourself financially. I suspect that if he were to walk into a bank with proper ID he could withdraw whatever he wanted.

Hugs,

redatlanta

Did he tell you he was leaving and not coming back? I am a little confused. My guess is he had something planned you aren't aware of.

I would file a Missing Person report especially if he did not indicate his intentions. While he may have left of his own volition he could also being having mental health issues having recently been released from Rehab. Its up to the police to decide if a missing person report is applicable.

If it were me I would go ahead and move money out of your mutual accounts leaving a nominal figure. he wouldn't be there first to clean out a bank account and leave a spouse destitute.

Ruby2

I'm sorry you are going through this. My husband is an addict as well. My guess is that he is on a bender. As someone pointed out, if he had been arrested or something else happened, you would have been notified.

You said you filled his vehicle with gas. I do the same for my husband in "his" car but it's actually in my name. Is the car in his name or yours? It does make a difference.

I'd watch any bank accounts you have jointly. And credit cards. Check on cards or checks that are in your name to make sure none are missing and view your accounts. One of my husband's old tricks is to take checks out of my checkbook and write them to himself, forges my signature and then cashes them at the bank.

Hugs. This stinks. But protect yourself.

BlueChair

Intent and state of mind make a big difference in these kind of situations. Does your husband have any underlying medical or psychological problems? Even depression, or was he just angry and left? Has he ever done this before? I would notify the police if you dont hear from him, and do check your joint accounts, credit cards for activity. My husband went missing and the police did get involved, gratefully so.

search4answer

Thanks for all your support and inputs!

I am okay financially and my accounts are separate from him. Car is his. We have no children. I called the cops and filed a missing report person. He was pretty depressed and did not tell me where he was going. He did not tell me anything. He seemed angry at the whole situation - at himself for being dependent on me (cant save much when you are doing drugs) and at me for not giving him more money for his business (how can I give him money unless he can recover and be clean?)

He has never done this before to this degree, maybe leave for a night. His phone has been off for the past 3 days and he has no money. He did pawn few items from home and I am wondering if he went back and sold them and got money. I tried calling the pawn shop but they didn't disclose anything.

Only if he called me and just let me know he was okay would put me at so much ease even if he does not come back home. Not knowing if he is okay is really hard.

LexieCat

Sounds like my info re what the police might do is inaccurate (may depend on where you are). My son's g/f took off in the midst of some kind of emotional breakdown (don't have all the details yet), her brother was able to locate her using her iPhone, and she was headed to the next state over. State troopers stopped her and they put her in the hospital for a temporary involuntary "hold."

So at least in some situations they will be on the lookout and stop someone to see if they're OK. If they appear to be all right, then that will probably be the end of it.

I'm sorry for your pain and worry. Hope you hear something soon.