Is this issue worth breaking NC?? Please guide me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Is this issue worth breaking NC?? Please guide me.
Hello SR Community!
I am somewhat new here am very grateful to have found this amazing resource.
I have a question and would like some feedback.
I have 31 days of No Contact NC from my XAB. We were involved for about a year but steady for 90 days when he was sober. He was working a program and I was working mine.
I helped him get funding, housing (not with me but a sober community living) and I was really in love with him and willing to stand by the struggles of a newcomer. He moved out of the area he had been in his whole life to be with me and did well at the sober community we found for him.
I hadn't really felt this way about anyone since my ex husband 10 years ago so I was really happy but knew what I was up against as well.
I'm in Al -Anon 10 years, I work in the field and I know the rule about one year sober before dating, I ignored it and I bought the dream, hoping with program we could put a life together. Boundaries were good.
We had a really loving few months where he was very giving and good to me and my son. He was also doing AA as designed and I was doing Al Anon differently then I ever had before.
To him I was a bit more cold and controlling even though inside I was really in love with him.
After about 90 days sober I started backing off a bit hoping he would
get more self-sufficient, I was also nagging and putting unrealistic expectations on him. He is a chronic relapser, lots of wreckage
He eventually drank and almost got himself killed through a fight leading to a brain injury and days in the ICU.
Though the guidance of both AA and Al-Anon I was told not to help him through this one and stay away from the hospital.
Assuming if I wasn't coming to save him I was done, he reacted and scrambled to other resources which involved some AA girl (no clear details on that) and became abusive and basically broke up via phone with me without clearly telling me. I was still helping but from a distance.
From there it was the worst 60 days I've ever known, I dropped weight, could barely function and wanted to die most days. I chose the time to work on my program and character defects but I've been very miserable for months. I stayed away from him as much as I could but it wasn't NC.
Before he got sober again I did see a sexting message he sent when he was drunk to the AA girl who helped him when I didn't show up at the hospital. Earlier she herself and her sponsor confirmed there was nothing romantic happening there and he was just being an ass trying to be with her which was hurtful enough.
After he got sober again and came back to the place we found together, he began mysteriously getting rides places and was unavailable quite often which definitely looked like another girl was involved.
I didn't ask any questions at that point but just kept trying not to call and stay close to my program. I couldn't handle knowing about another girl to be honest, I was hysterically hurt.
The relapse i could take but the possible OW took me completely out.
Then came THE TEXT THAT CHANGED IT ALL .
After he finally clearly stated I have moved on and we couldn't be affectionate anymore ( The 3 times I saw him we kissed) I stopped calling him.
4 days later he starts randomly texting me. Since I had been in such confusion and limbo I was dying to tell him how I really loved him and some of my part so I called instead of texting back.
I left a very sweet voice mail pouring my heart out.
At that same exact moment I was leaving the message a text came in that said, "I'm with my chic, I'll call you later."
That was it and I changed my number the very next day and went NC for the last 31 days.
Okay finally my question.-sorry so long
Last Saturday he left a single rose on my door, I didn't respond.
Then today I come home and two of my patio chairs are missing??
Now anyone could have stolen them but I've lived here for 10 years and nothing has ever been taken off my front yard. I had a bbq, better stuff to take. It's odd.
The idea and maybe delusion is that he took them to stain them but didn't tell me and plans to just mysteriously bring them back
He had stained a table of mine on accident and we were always going fix the chairs to match. The other option is whoever brought him over here last Saturday (he doesn't drive) could have come back and taken them.
He doesn't make the best choice with people except he always has a good sponsor.
Is this worth calling to ask about and breaking NC?
I have a feeling he has been creeping around here but I have no proof except the rose which was completely harmless.
He's not a stalker guy and has virtually left me completely alone for 30 days.
I am not as strong as I'd like, not over him and coincidentally I actually just met a new friend I'm a bit interested in..
and this is almost a MIRACLE. I never thought I could love again as dramatic as that sounds. I have been alone predominately for years.
Contacting him could be a set back but I want to know if he did it and
if he is creeping around here I would like it to stop, if he wants to tell me something, make amends, he can leave a letter or find another way to reach me. And if he took those chairs he needs to bring them right back.
Thoughts?
Thank you so much, I hope everyone is having a blessed day full
of peace. Sorry so long!!
~kayleezen
I am somewhat new here am very grateful to have found this amazing resource.
I have a question and would like some feedback.
I have 31 days of No Contact NC from my XAB. We were involved for about a year but steady for 90 days when he was sober. He was working a program and I was working mine.
I helped him get funding, housing (not with me but a sober community living) and I was really in love with him and willing to stand by the struggles of a newcomer. He moved out of the area he had been in his whole life to be with me and did well at the sober community we found for him.
I hadn't really felt this way about anyone since my ex husband 10 years ago so I was really happy but knew what I was up against as well.
I'm in Al -Anon 10 years, I work in the field and I know the rule about one year sober before dating, I ignored it and I bought the dream, hoping with program we could put a life together. Boundaries were good.
We had a really loving few months where he was very giving and good to me and my son. He was also doing AA as designed and I was doing Al Anon differently then I ever had before.
To him I was a bit more cold and controlling even though inside I was really in love with him.
After about 90 days sober I started backing off a bit hoping he would
get more self-sufficient, I was also nagging and putting unrealistic expectations on him. He is a chronic relapser, lots of wreckage
He eventually drank and almost got himself killed through a fight leading to a brain injury and days in the ICU.
Though the guidance of both AA and Al-Anon I was told not to help him through this one and stay away from the hospital.
Assuming if I wasn't coming to save him I was done, he reacted and scrambled to other resources which involved some AA girl (no clear details on that) and became abusive and basically broke up via phone with me without clearly telling me. I was still helping but from a distance.
From there it was the worst 60 days I've ever known, I dropped weight, could barely function and wanted to die most days. I chose the time to work on my program and character defects but I've been very miserable for months. I stayed away from him as much as I could but it wasn't NC.
Before he got sober again I did see a sexting message he sent when he was drunk to the AA girl who helped him when I didn't show up at the hospital. Earlier she herself and her sponsor confirmed there was nothing romantic happening there and he was just being an ass trying to be with her which was hurtful enough.
After he got sober again and came back to the place we found together, he began mysteriously getting rides places and was unavailable quite often which definitely looked like another girl was involved.
I didn't ask any questions at that point but just kept trying not to call and stay close to my program. I couldn't handle knowing about another girl to be honest, I was hysterically hurt.
The relapse i could take but the possible OW took me completely out.
Then came THE TEXT THAT CHANGED IT ALL .
After he finally clearly stated I have moved on and we couldn't be affectionate anymore ( The 3 times I saw him we kissed) I stopped calling him.
4 days later he starts randomly texting me. Since I had been in such confusion and limbo I was dying to tell him how I really loved him and some of my part so I called instead of texting back.
I left a very sweet voice mail pouring my heart out.
At that same exact moment I was leaving the message a text came in that said, "I'm with my chic, I'll call you later."
That was it and I changed my number the very next day and went NC for the last 31 days.
Okay finally my question.-sorry so long
Last Saturday he left a single rose on my door, I didn't respond.
Then today I come home and two of my patio chairs are missing??
Now anyone could have stolen them but I've lived here for 10 years and nothing has ever been taken off my front yard. I had a bbq, better stuff to take. It's odd.
The idea and maybe delusion is that he took them to stain them but didn't tell me and plans to just mysteriously bring them back
He had stained a table of mine on accident and we were always going fix the chairs to match. The other option is whoever brought him over here last Saturday (he doesn't drive) could have come back and taken them.
He doesn't make the best choice with people except he always has a good sponsor.
Is this worth calling to ask about and breaking NC?
I have a feeling he has been creeping around here but I have no proof except the rose which was completely harmless.
He's not a stalker guy and has virtually left me completely alone for 30 days.
I am not as strong as I'd like, not over him and coincidentally I actually just met a new friend I'm a bit interested in..
and this is almost a MIRACLE. I never thought I could love again as dramatic as that sounds. I have been alone predominately for years.
Contacting him could be a set back but I want to know if he did it and
if he is creeping around here I would like it to stop, if he wants to tell me something, make amends, he can leave a letter or find another way to reach me. And if he took those chairs he needs to bring them right back.
Thoughts?
Thank you so much, I hope everyone is having a blessed day full
of peace. Sorry so long!!
~kayleezen
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It sounds to me like your motive in calling him is to test the waters and see if you can get him back. He was a bad bet from the beginning and nothing that's happened makes the situation look any more promising.
I think calling him will suck you right back into more heartache.
I think calling him will suck you right back into more heartache.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by kayleezen 
I am not as strong as I'd like, not over him and coincidentally I actually just met a new friend I'm a bit interested in..
and this is almost a MIRACLE. I never thought I could love again as dramatic as that sounds. I have been alone predominately for years.
and this is almost a MIRACLE. I never thought I could love again as dramatic as that sounds. I have been alone predominately for years.
Do you have a bit of a problem romanticizing things, and falling too fast?
Maybe you should buckle down on working your program.
...and, yeah, stick with the NC.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Hi SeriousKarma,
No I just went out for the first time in a long time and had fellowship with some people from a meeting and enjoyed myself. I don't love the new person I met, I don't even know him.
What I meant was I thought I'd be in love and stuck on my AXB for a very, very long time without the ability to meet new people or even consider anyone else as a romantic possibility due to being heartbroken, miserable and shut down.
No I just went out for the first time in a long time and had fellowship with some people from a meeting and enjoyed myself. I don't love the new person I met, I don't even know him.
What I meant was I thought I'd be in love and stuck on my AXB for a very, very long time without the ability to meet new people or even consider anyone else as a romantic possibility due to being heartbroken, miserable and shut down.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by iamthird
I dont think 2 chairs is worth the heartache. From me, who has broken NC so many times...it is not worth it.
things that happen, I don't really want to talk to him today because it's too soon and I don't think much has changed.
What was the longest you went and then broke NC? If you don't mind me asking?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
Maybe he took them to bait you to contact him.... either way, breaking NC is a bad idea. A relationship with him will always he a heartache. Take this break and run with it. If anything else goes missing, id most certainly file a police report. If the chairs do get returned and they are stained, id still be sure to stay NC. Don't let him trick you back into his life. By the way... you are kind of my neighbor... i live in OC. 
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Kay, you've been through a really severe reaction to breaking up with him, so I think it would be too much of a risk to get in touch now. Especially as he's testing the waters with the rose. Sounds like he's keeping his options open, thinking he can worm his way back again if the other relationships(s) don't work out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Thank you everybody!
I decided to stay NC...the whole thing is so strange because for some weird reason at work I kept imagining him sitting on one of those chairs when I got home from work and lo and behold they were gone!!! Guess he can't sit on them now
You are right FeelingGreat, I have had a severe reaction because I got unusually attached to him, like he was family. My mom was the alcoholic and I lived with her my entire young life and although I've been around many RAs, he was different.
Unfortunately my childhood home was not always healthy-but the short time he was here I wanted to believe it would last, that he would stay sober and I'd never feel that pain again. Mom couldn't beat it, not more than a year in my whole life and she passed away when I was only 24. The anniversary is coming up. I want to undo the wrong-
But in reality he just may be trying to worm in and whether he's in a relationship or actually spending 5 minutes alone being sober I don't know, I do know I am not somebody's second choice...........I
I have learned a lot from reading all these brave posts. SparkleKitty, RedDog735, the feedback is crucial.
If he expected me to save and rescue him every time he violently relapsed it, forget it! I helped him once and then I was like, fly bird, go, fly...but I guess that was new to him, his previous females let him live with them and gave him money.
I didn't do that and he gave it his best shot but it's hard to change years of behavior sober or drunk.
Thank you:
I decided to stay NC...the whole thing is so strange because for some weird reason at work I kept imagining him sitting on one of those chairs when I got home from work and lo and behold they were gone!!! Guess he can't sit on them now
You are right FeelingGreat, I have had a severe reaction because I got unusually attached to him, like he was family. My mom was the alcoholic and I lived with her my entire young life and although I've been around many RAs, he was different.
Unfortunately my childhood home was not always healthy-but the short time he was here I wanted to believe it would last, that he would stay sober and I'd never feel that pain again. Mom couldn't beat it, not more than a year in my whole life and she passed away when I was only 24. The anniversary is coming up. I want to undo the wrong-
But in reality he just may be trying to worm in and whether he's in a relationship or actually spending 5 minutes alone being sober I don't know, I do know I am not somebody's second choice...........I
I have learned a lot from reading all these brave posts. SparkleKitty, RedDog735, the feedback is crucial.
If he expected me to save and rescue him every time he violently relapsed it, forget it! I helped him once and then I was like, fly bird, go, fly...but I guess that was new to him, his previous females let him live with them and gave him money.
I didn't do that and he gave it his best shot but it's hard to change years of behavior sober or drunk.
Thank you:
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Re-read your post and decide what you think.....
Call the police and report your chairs stolen also consider a restraining order if you figure he's creeping around there.
Obviously he has stalker tendencies.........
Call the police and report your chairs stolen also consider a restraining order if you figure he's creeping around there.
Obviously he has stalker tendencies.........
Originally Posted by kayleezen
Hello SR Community!
I am somewhat new here am very grateful to have found this amazing resource.
I have a question and would like some feedback.
I have 31 days of No Contact NC from my XAB. We were involved for about a year but steady for 90 days when he was sober. He was working a program and I was working mine.
I helped him get funding, housing (not with me but a sober community living) and I was really in love with him and willing to stand by the struggles of a newcomer. He moved out of the area he had been in his whole life to be with me and did well at the sober community we found for him.
I hadn't really felt this way about anyone since my ex husband 10 years ago so I was really happy but knew what I was up against as well.
I'm in Al -Anon 10 years, I work in the field and I know the rule about one year sober before dating, I ignored it and I bought the dream, hoping with program we could put a life together. Boundaries were good.
We had a really loving few months where he was very giving and good to me and my son. He was also doing AA as designed and I was doing Al Anon differently then I ever had before.
To him I was a bit more cold and controlling even though inside I was really in love with him.
After about 90 days sober I started backing off a bit hoping he would
get more self-sufficient, I was also nagging and putting unrealistic expectations on him. He is a chronic relapser, lots of wreckage
He eventually drank and almost got himself killed through a fight leading to a brain injury and days in the ICU.
Though the guidance of both AA and Al-Anon I was told not to help him through this one and stay away from the hospital.
Assuming if I wasn't coming to save him I was done, he reacted and scrambled to other resources which involved some AA girl (no clear details on that) and became abusive and basically broke up via phone with me without clearly telling me. I was still helping but from a distance.
From there it was the worst 60 days I've ever known, I dropped weight, could barely function and wanted to die most days. I chose the time to work on my program and character defects but I've been very miserable for months. I stayed away from him as much as I could but it wasn't NC.
Before he got sober again I did see a sexting message he sent when he was drunk to the AA girl who helped him when I didn't show up at the hospital. Earlier she herself and her sponsor confirmed there was nothing romantic happening there and he was just being an ass trying to be with her which was hurtful enough.
After he got sober again and came back to the place we found together, he began mysteriously getting rides places and was unavailable quite often which definitely looked like another girl was involved.
I didn't ask any questions at that point but just kept trying not to call and stay close to my program. I couldn't handle knowing about another girl to be honest, I was hysterically hurt.
The relapse i could take but the possible OW took me completely out.
Then came THE TEXT THAT CHANGED IT ALL .
After he finally clearly stated I have moved on and we couldn't be affectionate anymore ( The 3 times I saw him we kissed) I stopped calling him.
4 days later he starts randomly texting me. Since I had been in such confusion and limbo I was dying to tell him how I really loved him and some of my part so I called instead of texting back.
I left a very sweet voice mail pouring my heart out.
At that same exact moment I was leaving the message a text came in that said, "I'm with my chic, I'll call you later."
That was it and I changed my number the very next day and went NC for the last 31 days.
Okay finally my question.-sorry so long
Last Saturday he left a single rose on my door, I didn't respond.
Then today I come home and two of my patio chairs are missing??
Now anyone could have stolen them but I've lived here for 10 years and nothing has ever been taken off my front yard. I had a bbq, better stuff to take. It's odd.
The idea and maybe delusion is that he took them to stain them but didn't tell me and plans to just mysteriously bring them back
He had stained a table of mine on accident and we were always going fix the chairs to match. The other option is whoever brought him over here last Saturday (he doesn't drive) could have come back and taken them.
He doesn't make the best choice with people except he always has a good sponsor.
Is this worth calling to ask about and breaking NC?
I have a feeling he has been creeping around here but I have no proof except the rose which was completely harmless.
He's not a stalker guy and has virtually left me completely alone for 30 days.
I am not as strong as I'd like, not over him and coincidentally I actually just met a new friend I'm a bit interested in..
and this is almost a MIRACLE. I never thought I could love again as dramatic as that sounds. I have been alone predominately for years.
Contacting him could be a set back but I want to know if he did it and
if he is creeping around here I would like it to stop, if he wants to tell me something, make amends, he can leave a letter or find another way to reach me. And if he took those chairs he needs to bring them right back.
Thoughts?
Thank you so much, I hope everyone is having a blessed day full
of peace. Sorry so long!!
~kayleezen
I am somewhat new here am very grateful to have found this amazing resource.
I have a question and would like some feedback.
I have 31 days of No Contact NC from my XAB. We were involved for about a year but steady for 90 days when he was sober. He was working a program and I was working mine.
I helped him get funding, housing (not with me but a sober community living) and I was really in love with him and willing to stand by the struggles of a newcomer. He moved out of the area he had been in his whole life to be with me and did well at the sober community we found for him.
I hadn't really felt this way about anyone since my ex husband 10 years ago so I was really happy but knew what I was up against as well.
I'm in Al -Anon 10 years, I work in the field and I know the rule about one year sober before dating, I ignored it and I bought the dream, hoping with program we could put a life together. Boundaries were good.
We had a really loving few months where he was very giving and good to me and my son. He was also doing AA as designed and I was doing Al Anon differently then I ever had before.
To him I was a bit more cold and controlling even though inside I was really in love with him.
After about 90 days sober I started backing off a bit hoping he would
get more self-sufficient, I was also nagging and putting unrealistic expectations on him. He is a chronic relapser, lots of wreckage
He eventually drank and almost got himself killed through a fight leading to a brain injury and days in the ICU.
Though the guidance of both AA and Al-Anon I was told not to help him through this one and stay away from the hospital.
Assuming if I wasn't coming to save him I was done, he reacted and scrambled to other resources which involved some AA girl (no clear details on that) and became abusive and basically broke up via phone with me without clearly telling me. I was still helping but from a distance.
From there it was the worst 60 days I've ever known, I dropped weight, could barely function and wanted to die most days. I chose the time to work on my program and character defects but I've been very miserable for months. I stayed away from him as much as I could but it wasn't NC.
Before he got sober again I did see a sexting message he sent when he was drunk to the AA girl who helped him when I didn't show up at the hospital. Earlier she herself and her sponsor confirmed there was nothing romantic happening there and he was just being an ass trying to be with her which was hurtful enough.
After he got sober again and came back to the place we found together, he began mysteriously getting rides places and was unavailable quite often which definitely looked like another girl was involved.
I didn't ask any questions at that point but just kept trying not to call and stay close to my program. I couldn't handle knowing about another girl to be honest, I was hysterically hurt.
The relapse i could take but the possible OW took me completely out.
Then came THE TEXT THAT CHANGED IT ALL .
After he finally clearly stated I have moved on and we couldn't be affectionate anymore ( The 3 times I saw him we kissed) I stopped calling him.
4 days later he starts randomly texting me. Since I had been in such confusion and limbo I was dying to tell him how I really loved him and some of my part so I called instead of texting back.
I left a very sweet voice mail pouring my heart out.
At that same exact moment I was leaving the message a text came in that said, "I'm with my chic, I'll call you later."
That was it and I changed my number the very next day and went NC for the last 31 days.
Okay finally my question.-sorry so long
Last Saturday he left a single rose on my door, I didn't respond.
Then today I come home and two of my patio chairs are missing??
Now anyone could have stolen them but I've lived here for 10 years and nothing has ever been taken off my front yard. I had a bbq, better stuff to take. It's odd.
The idea and maybe delusion is that he took them to stain them but didn't tell me and plans to just mysteriously bring them back
He had stained a table of mine on accident and we were always going fix the chairs to match. The other option is whoever brought him over here last Saturday (he doesn't drive) could have come back and taken them.
He doesn't make the best choice with people except he always has a good sponsor.
Is this worth calling to ask about and breaking NC?
I have a feeling he has been creeping around here but I have no proof except the rose which was completely harmless.
He's not a stalker guy and has virtually left me completely alone for 30 days.
I am not as strong as I'd like, not over him and coincidentally I actually just met a new friend I'm a bit interested in..
and this is almost a MIRACLE. I never thought I could love again as dramatic as that sounds. I have been alone predominately for years.
Contacting him could be a set back but I want to know if he did it and
if he is creeping around here I would like it to stop, if he wants to tell me something, make amends, he can leave a letter or find another way to reach me. And if he took those chairs he needs to bring them right back.
Thoughts?
Thank you so much, I hope everyone is having a blessed day full
of peace. Sorry so long!!
~kayleezen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
If he did take the chairs even more reason not to contact. Its stealing, bizarre, and creepy.
If you come home to newly stained chairs one day that's the only time I would break contact to let him know that he is trespassing and if he shows up again or takes something else you'll report him to the police. I would go ahead and file a police report.
I get an icky creepy feeling from your post. Dude is bad news. Please don't make the assumption he needs to make an amends or even suggest it. Its simply opening the door for further contact.
Move along nothing happy to be had here.
If you come home to newly stained chairs one day that's the only time I would break contact to let him know that he is trespassing and if he shows up again or takes something else you'll report him to the police. I would go ahead and file a police report.
I get an icky creepy feeling from your post. Dude is bad news. Please don't make the assumption he needs to make an amends or even suggest it. Its simply opening the door for further contact.
Move along nothing happy to be had here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Originally Posted by kayleezen
Thank you everybody! I decided to stay NC...the whole thing is so strange because for some weird reason at work I kept imagining him sitting on one of those chairs when I got home from work and lo and behold they were gone!!! Guess he can't sit on them now
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 165
Keeping his options open. These girls he's picking up are probably none too healthy. They need their "sure thing" which you aren't anymore, so good for you!!! And def file a report about stolen chairs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by redatlanta
If he did take the chairs even more reason not to contact. Its stealing, bizarre, and creepy.
If you come home to newly stained chairs one day that's the only time I would break contact to let him know that he is trespassing and if he shows up again or takes something else you'll report him to the police. I would go ahead and file a police report.
I get an icky creepy feeling from your post. Dude is bad news. Please don't make the assumption he needs to make an amends or even suggest it. Its simply opening the door for further contact.
Move along nothing happy to be had here.
If you come home to newly stained chairs one day that's the only time I would break contact to let him know that he is trespassing and if he shows up again or takes something else you'll report him to the police. I would go ahead and file a police report.
I get an icky creepy feeling from your post. Dude is bad news. Please don't make the assumption he needs to make an amends or even suggest it. Its simply opening the door for further contact.
Move along nothing happy to be had here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Earthworm
Re-read your post and decide what you think.....
Call the police and report your chairs stolen also consider a restraining order if you figure he's creeping around there.
Obviously he has stalker tendencies.........
Call the police and report your chairs stolen also consider a restraining order if you figure he's creeping around there.
Obviously he has stalker tendencies.........
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
-He is a chronic relapser, lots of wreckage
-He eventually drank and almost got himself killed through a fight leading to a brain injury
-he reacted and scrambled to other resources which involved some AA girl
-became abusive
-I did see a sexting message he sent
-he began mysteriously getting rides places and was unavailable quite often which definitely looked like another girl was involved.
- a text came in that said, "I'm with my chic, I'll call you later."
-He doesn't make the best choice with people
-I have a feeling he has been creeping around here
I can't imagine why I wrote that he sounded creepy and was bad news. Maybe your description of him???? Hmmm.
Perhaps its time to work the steps again for you.
-He eventually drank and almost got himself killed through a fight leading to a brain injury
-he reacted and scrambled to other resources which involved some AA girl
-became abusive
-I did see a sexting message he sent
-he began mysteriously getting rides places and was unavailable quite often which definitely looked like another girl was involved.
- a text came in that said, "I'm with my chic, I'll call you later."
-He doesn't make the best choice with people
-I have a feeling he has been creeping around here
I can't imagine why I wrote that he sounded creepy and was bad news. Maybe your description of him???? Hmmm.
Perhaps its time to work the steps again for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Riverwood
Posts: 124
Having been with a man I considered "harmless" (because he was not physically violent), for 23 years, until he died from his disease...
...all I can recommend is to take a close look at how you are defining "harmless". The damage I allowed to happen to me was very real and far from "harmless".
I'm seeing incredible harm towards your emotional and mental state due to this man. However, in one respect, you are absolutely correct in feeling the need to own your part in your self harm due to your obsession with him.
Healing and recovery sound just as hard for you, to give up your addiction to him (or some other addict), as it is for him to give up booze and the need for an enabler.
It's a hard road which may take a change in perspective.
Just my personal experience.
...all I can recommend is to take a close look at how you are defining "harmless". The damage I allowed to happen to me was very real and far from "harmless".
I'm seeing incredible harm towards your emotional and mental state due to this man. However, in one respect, you are absolutely correct in feeling the need to own your part in your self harm due to your obsession with him.
Healing and recovery sound just as hard for you, to give up your addiction to him (or some other addict), as it is for him to give up booze and the need for an enabler.
It's a hard road which may take a change in perspective.
Just my personal experience.
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