I want to give SR to my sister. what to do...?
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
I want to give SR to my sister. what to do...?
I generally don't come on the forums to ask for advice; I come here to rant and relate and vent and get perspective...
My family consisted of my mom and my step-dad ( I don't talk with my real dad), my real sister (she became schizophrenic in her early 20's due to too many drugs and awful experiences and I have lost touch with her over the years), and my step brother and step sister. It is my step sister that I want to help.
All four of our parents have been drug addicts and/or alcoholics. Her dad... my step-dad passed away from liver cancer just over two years ago. My mom has upped her drinking since then. Her mom as never really resolved to get sober from alcohol or drugs over the years and she has been hell for my step brother and sister. Slowly, my step siblings have come to terms with this and have slowly distanced themselves from her. But recently, a huge mess was created for my step sister by her mom, and I feel like for the first time, my sister is questioning her lot in life with having been raised by drug addicted, alcoholic parents. I did send her an audio link for "Codependent No More" so that she could just listen to it while she cooks dinner or something; she lives alone. But I feel like... no, I know... that suggesting Al-anon might be a bit much to suggest at this point. She needs to be eased into this reality that she is waking up to, and OMG, if I could just get her here on SR and she could see all the people who have suffered her exact situation and understand her experiences, I just KNOW it could help her.
We had a conversation recently about all the anger we have towards our parents for what we have been through... but I am a little past that point, though I know exactly where she is and how that feels. And without a place like SR, I could NOT have done the leaps and bounds I have made towards healing. Just being able to relate..... and all of the insight. There is nothing else like it.
So, my dilemma is this... I don't think I am strong enough to completely leave SR. I found this place because I was researching alcoholism and what it does and what it looks like and time and time again, I found myself on this site, so I joined and I absolutely love it!
I do think that if she joined she would be on a different forum. But I really don't want to intrude on her privacy, nor do I want to feel like my privacy could be breeched. I say things here that I just wouldn't actively choose to share with anyone... at times.
What can I do? Does anyone know of any other helpful online groups for ACOA's? Should I just risk the privacy thing? I don't even know if she would join SR, but I know without a doubt that she could benefit immensely more than me at the moment. What do you all think?
My family consisted of my mom and my step-dad ( I don't talk with my real dad), my real sister (she became schizophrenic in her early 20's due to too many drugs and awful experiences and I have lost touch with her over the years), and my step brother and step sister. It is my step sister that I want to help.
All four of our parents have been drug addicts and/or alcoholics. Her dad... my step-dad passed away from liver cancer just over two years ago. My mom has upped her drinking since then. Her mom as never really resolved to get sober from alcohol or drugs over the years and she has been hell for my step brother and sister. Slowly, my step siblings have come to terms with this and have slowly distanced themselves from her. But recently, a huge mess was created for my step sister by her mom, and I feel like for the first time, my sister is questioning her lot in life with having been raised by drug addicted, alcoholic parents. I did send her an audio link for "Codependent No More" so that she could just listen to it while she cooks dinner or something; she lives alone. But I feel like... no, I know... that suggesting Al-anon might be a bit much to suggest at this point. She needs to be eased into this reality that she is waking up to, and OMG, if I could just get her here on SR and she could see all the people who have suffered her exact situation and understand her experiences, I just KNOW it could help her.
We had a conversation recently about all the anger we have towards our parents for what we have been through... but I am a little past that point, though I know exactly where she is and how that feels. And without a place like SR, I could NOT have done the leaps and bounds I have made towards healing. Just being able to relate..... and all of the insight. There is nothing else like it.
So, my dilemma is this... I don't think I am strong enough to completely leave SR. I found this place because I was researching alcoholism and what it does and what it looks like and time and time again, I found myself on this site, so I joined and I absolutely love it!
I do think that if she joined she would be on a different forum. But I really don't want to intrude on her privacy, nor do I want to feel like my privacy could be breeched. I say things here that I just wouldn't actively choose to share with anyone... at times.
What can I do? Does anyone know of any other helpful online groups for ACOA's? Should I just risk the privacy thing? I don't even know if she would join SR, but I know without a doubt that she could benefit immensely more than me at the moment. What do you all think?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
That's a tough one. I totally get both wanting to share, and not wanting your privacy (or hers) breached. I could easily see misunderstandings or hurt feelings, or just plain embarrassment if you were reading each other's posts.
Maybe you could just tell her that you've found some great forums online about alcoholism (SR may be the best, but it isn't the only one) and suggest that she might benefit from some support for having to deal with the alcoholism in her family. Then leave the ball in her court. If she comes on here, neither one of you may ever know it. I know I don't read posts with an eye toward seeing if I recognize someone I know. You could also change your location to "West Coast" or something, just to keep a slightly lower profile. I doubt it would prove disastrous to either one of you if you did stumble across each other here. Maybe just throw out the suggestion--she will come here or she won't, she will recognize you (and vice versa) or she/you won't, and let things happen as they are supposed to.
Maybe you could just tell her that you've found some great forums online about alcoholism (SR may be the best, but it isn't the only one) and suggest that she might benefit from some support for having to deal with the alcoholism in her family. Then leave the ball in her court. If she comes on here, neither one of you may ever know it. I know I don't read posts with an eye toward seeing if I recognize someone I know. You could also change your location to "West Coast" or something, just to keep a slightly lower profile. I doubt it would prove disastrous to either one of you if you did stumble across each other here. Maybe just throw out the suggestion--she will come here or she won't, she will recognize you (and vice versa) or she/you won't, and let things happen as they are supposed to.
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