Berrybean

When I was drinking there were lots of different me's. I felt the need to present different fronts for different situations: Home; work; pub; gigs; family; different social groups.

Now (15 months into sobriety and recovery) it seems to be the same me for all occasions. Not necessarily a very exciting or likeable me, but it does seem to require a lot less energy!

Is that typical?

Spacegoat

I'm only over 5 months sober, by far my longest time in almost 20 years but I definitely do know what you mean. I've been putting some thought into 'being yourself' recently.

I don't know much about your background but there is a thread in the Adult Children of Dysfuctional Parents forum which talks about the many different roles that we adopt.

ScottFromWI

I think it's typical for active alcoholics/addicts to avoid the truth...which can certainly manifest itself in relationships with others. I would personally do whatever it took to make sure I had access to alcohol, no matter where it was I went. In a sense I was mostly there ( wherever "there" was ) to drink...the rest was secondary. And i'm sure that came across as a front to some...it definitely was a front for me.

Berrybean

I think it just seemed more important to me that people didn't think badly of me; and never, ever found out how outrageously pathetic and horrible I was.

I suppose my perception of things has altered a bit already. I just try to do the best I can now, and if that's not enough for someone? Well, that's not really any of my business and I shouldn't be letting my ego or pride start leaping around and giving my AV something to antagonise.

I remember kind of taking a deep breath and almost getting in role as I passed through doorways. That just seems laughable now.

tomsteve

I believe it's part of the promises materIalizing and IMO typical for someone in AA that has worked the steps and had a spiritual awakening.
Promises that go with step 5:

Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.
We can look the world in the eye.
We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
Our fears fall from us.
We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.
The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.
We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last.
Don't think it's in the BB, but the program has helped me be comfortable in my own skin.
Thank you for posting this, beccy!

Hopeless1978

Hi! I love this post!
I'm new to SR; what does "AV" mean? I've seen this several times now...

biminiblue

Addictive Voice/ Addict Voice.

It's a part of the AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) method of dealing with our primitive brain that screams for pleasure. It is from Rational Recovery.

You can read more about it in the Secular Connections part of the forums.

Here is a link to the explanation:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

Berrybean

Thanks TS.

How come I never saw those Step 5 promises before?? They're spot on.

My friend (who shares the same sponsor as me) is feeling really apprehensive about her Step 5 - I'll write these promises down for her as well I think. It might help her.

Fly N Buy

Thanks Beccy for the great thread!!!

When I was drinking towards the end, I was pretty much miserable towards everyone. I did engage in polite conversation with the gal at one of the liquor stores I would frequent, however.

But, in early sobriety I became very fake. Smiley Jack if you will. Acted like I was running for flippin mayor or something. Guess I wanted to prove how great sobriety was - what a laugh!!

I am becoming more comfortable as you mentioned and really - like popeye, I yam what I yam. Pleasant mostly, but not the HUGGING back slapping how's yer daddy doing guy.........uck - I hate that guy. Who let him in????

Here's a link to many promises someone has listed from the Book................. Good stuff, but maybe not the straight up classic promises we are aware of.....

Friends of Bill W. - The Big Book Promises (all of them, so far)

Berrybean

Brilliant link - thanks for that

Hopeless1978

Thanks biminiblue!!

tomsteve

There's promises associated with every step.
And also promises of what will happen if we don't work it.

tomsteve

P.S.
Might want to have your friend read the first few pages of " into action." promises there of what would happen if that step is skipped.
I had that apprehension(fear),too. Did what the big book says and remarkable things followed.
Something that helped was seeing everything I had done had already been done before. No original thoughts or actions. Nothing I did or had done to me was unique. All done before.

Berrybean

Yep. Me too. (I'd even managed 6 months of counselling without getting anywhere near half the stuff I had on that Step 4 list - although the counselling may have helped me get to the stage where I was ready to consider Step 4, I can't tell for certain.) I know that she won't skip it - she's just getting herself a bit tied in knots beforehand. We've talked about it a lot when we drive out to our Friday meeting. The thing is, the things she says she's most worried about telling our sponsor, she's already told me. And I know how fantastically my sponsor helped me to calm down and how non-judgemental she is, so can assure her she'll be fine, but she won't really understand that til she's done it.

I think I can honestly say that steps 4 & 5 have changed the way I see myself, and the world. (For the better, obv.) I'm so grateful for AA steps and fellowship. (And SR of course)

Dee74

I'm still bound to behave relative to the occasion, but that's all of us alcoholic or not

I'm much less conscious of there being different me's these days tho.

I think I'm plenty exciting and likeable, tho lol

D

Berrybean

Dee you ARE more than exciting and likeable - you are a STAR!

Yes, I still behave relative to the occasion - but it's more my reaction to what's going on, and working with the boundaries of what's acceptable and appropriate rather than the contrived attempts at projecting different image or personalities as before, when I felt like I owed it to everyone to be someone they'd like.

FreeOwl

This world often demands different views of us.... So even those not influenced by addiction tend to be conditioned to many fronts and false selves.

For those of us who turned to addictions, it can often be made worse by the fact that we lose ourselves.... And have to find out true nature and then become comfortable with it before we can truly BE us without the masks.