Wisconsin

Is this a common experience amongst spouses/significant others of alcoholics? I have been living with AH's atrocious behavior for YEARS. I got fairly good at detachment as a short-term solution for giving myself emotional space to work on my own recovery, but never looked at detachment as a long-term solution. Over the past few months, as I have come closer emotionally than ever before to just being DONE, and filing for divorce, I am increasingly astounded at just how totally awful AH acts. The CONSTANT complaining and negativity. The total inability to give two craps about anyone or anything else. The passive aggressiveness. The turn-on-a-dime mercurial-ness. It's not new. This is how he has been for years. I learned to be very zen about it for quite awhile, but now I just want to punch him in his obnoxious face every time he opens his mouth.

Then I start to feel guilty about filing for divorce so close to Father's Day.

Then he opens his mouth and I want to punch him in his obnoxious face.

Progress, not perfection.

LittleBirds3

And when you finally DO get out, you will look back at some of the sh*t he pulled and think "why and how did I put up with that?"

hopeful4

Oh yes, definitely. I still have to have some communication with my X due to having children together, etc. Just yesterday I was asking myself how I stayed with such an a$$ for so long.

It will affect you less and less and time goes on, I promise. XXX

biminiblue

I know that this is not the way God intended for you (or him) to live your lives.

I'm sorry you're in pain. There is a way out.

healthyagain

I would say YES to everything except filing for divorce. Have not done that because I do not have money yet. As we do not live together, my rage is pretty much gone, but every time I even think he could get better, he proves me wrong. Would like to punch him from time to time, but believe me, living without him is way better and not that illegal.

FireSprite

I had that AHA moment with RAH's behavior when I finally started to get enough distance to see more clearly.

For me it was like that saying (which I may not remember verbatim...), "When I changed the way I looked at things, the things I looked at changed."

amy55

I got like that. I was hospitalized for what they say was a suicide attempt. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I drank wine and took OTC sleeping pills. I just wanted to be able to sleep that night.

Well, I had to see a psychiatrist to get out of that place, (I don't think I really wanted to leave, think I liked it there). Psychiatrist asked me if I had any homicidal or suicidal tendencies. I told him the truth. (This is why I think I may have wanted to stay in the hospital). Told this psychiatrist that I wanted to stab my H (now ex) repeatedly, but I didn't want to kill him, I wanted him to keep getting up, so that I could do it again, and again, and again. Told psychiatrist that I picked a knife, because I would never pick up a knife. That if I really wanted to hurt him, I would do it with a frying pan. Surprise, surprise, they let me out of the hospital.

It's normal, it's the anger stage. It's when you really sit back and look at all the sh!t you have been dealing with, and you don't want it anymore !!!!

My psychiatrist said I was normal, and I didn't feel normal then.

You'll be free soon. Just think of that day.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy