want2feelGood

I am only 3 days sober. It is easy for me to not drink during the week now. I used to drink everyday but now I just struggle on the weekends. So, I am sorta of happy I managed to quit during the week, I am afraid of the weekends now tho All my friends drink. They arent all "alcoholics", but always involve drinking in bbqs, meeting for lunch, golfing, sitting at the beach, etc. My boyfriend I know has a drinking problem. He quit during the week with me, but weekend comes and we end up meeting friends and drinking is always there. I am so very sad because if I want to stay sober and get healthy, I cant be around my friends, and most sadly, my boyfriend. So being sober means being alone. that is an additional struggle for me that is holding me back. I am so sad. Does anyone else manage to stay sober with someone you love and your friends who drink? Can I still be with them and just drink soda or maybe sparkling water? Can I just say NO?

Anna

You do not have to be isolated to be sober. There are lot of people in the world who don't drink and a lot of activities that don't revolve around alcohol. It just takes a shift in perspective.

I, personally, could not be around alcohol and people drinking for many months into recovery. It just didn't work for me. And, now I am rarely around alcohol because my life has moved in other directions.

biminiblue

Lots of people stay sober while everyone around them drinks. I am one of those people and so are all the people here who remain sober. I go to events and leave early, and if the event is just an excuse to drink, like a party - then I don't go. There is a big world out there with lots of things to do that don't involve alcohol.

If your BF has a drinking problem, it will difficult for you, but it's possible to do. You may find that he cuts back after you quit, or you may find that he doesn't. There may be decisions to make about with whom you choose to spend time.

doggonecarl

You are sad thinking about being alone. You haven't been alone yet, it hasn't been three days. The truth is, you haven't tried finding alternate things to do besides drinking on weekends so you don't know how you'll feel. Maybe you'll feel victorious maintaining sobriety? Maybe you'll feel confident in your new found independence?

But I have a feeling you'll just be mourning what you are missing.

When you make sobriety your number one priority, you will do what it takes to protect it. Until then, you'll feel like you do now, and be willing to compromise your recovery to ease the discomfort you are going through.

hopscotch123

Hey W2FG. Im early on (day 13) and have been to the pub about four times since stopping. Friends all drinking (lots) but I just stick with OJ or Cranberry juice. I don't stay out as late as them at all, normally for a hour or so and leave them to it.

I was a huge binge drinker, 14 hour sessions on the weekend sometimes, drank daily at home (mainly to stop the anxiety). It can be done, just need your friends to support you a little. Nearly all my friends know and we joke about it at the pub.

I didn't think I would be able to cope with going to the pub and BBQ's but somehow I am managing quite well.

I think the key is to know when to leave.

Hope its of some help

Thepatman

Good post. I think once acceptance and no longer feeling deprived is key. ;-)

Soberwolf

Just want to say congrats on 3 days sober i found staying sober a lot easier by not attending alcohol related events

in time anything is possible you know why your getting sober and by doing non alcohol related activities you can still have fun

Remember your going through changes & this will take a lil time

But time well spent i promise

Dee74

Like Carl said, it hasn't happened yet - but I get the concern...

I worried about being alone too - everyone I knew drank like I did

but, as it turned out, I have a vastly better and busier social life now that I ever did, and I have real connections with people.

Some people left my life, but I reconnected with a lot of other old friends and I made a heap of new ones

I won't pretend that happened instantaneously - I had a lot of work to do on my myself and my recovery - but I love the way my sober life turned out

stick with it, want2
D

zerothehero

During early sobriety I was in a similar space. In retrospect, though, I needed that alone time for introspection. I also needed to be a little lonely in order to prepare myself to approach society from a new angle. It's all good.

SoberHoopsFan

When you stop drinking, you meet new people who do things other than drink. You will actually look back and find that it is a very very small subset of adults that combine alcohol with the majority of their activities. I have 500-600 adult friends on FB and after sobering up I noticed you can count on one hand (maybe two) the number who are always posting about drinking. Most adults don't drink much, they just don't. They have serious jobs, spouses, kids, etc. Adults who frequently drink have some sort of problem now matter how they couch it to you (social, to relax, relieve stress, wine "enthusiast," etc.). It's not normal to rely upon and be addicted to a poison, in my view. Normal is living life without that crutch.

It may be uncomfortable at first seeking out new crowds but how do you ever expect to stop drinking if you still hanging out with people who do it all the time? Just my two cents

Berrybean

Me too Dee.

AA is a big help as there are def going to be sober people who understand me at every meeting... as time went on I met some people there who have become and are becoming friends outside AA as well.

I, like Dee, have reached out to some old friends (you know - the ones you got on so well with for years but they weren't interested in drinking, so we dropped them??!! That took me a while though, because through my resentments and insanity of drinking I'd convinced myself that they weren't proper friends because they never bothered drinking with me; or checking I was okay lol - when those pennies started dropping I was gobsmacked at what a blind idiot I'd been).

When I was drinking, I would inwardly groan about spending time with my family, and had convinced myself it was 'boring'; they were a pain; etc. ; etc. Now I know that it was just that I begrudged any weekend time not drinking, and I really enjoy seeing them. (Well - most of them ).

There are lots of clubs to go to where you can meet others (I did reading club; the gym; bell-ringing for a short while (that wasn't one of my better ideas). I'm thinking of trying out a choir - there's one that does all modern stuff near me - need to get over some more fears first though. Lots of people do voluntary work as well - it's amazing how doing one little thing nice for someone else can make us feel disproportionately better.

Now I've been sober for a little while (15 months) I can go to the pub for a few hours to see friends and just drink soft drinks. It does get boring though. At first people were a little miffed that I never stayed long, but they're used to it now. Going there initially wasn't good though. Not only the 'not drinking' but the constant questions; comments; and even sabotage efforts from my old drinking buddies made it pretty impossible to relax. It was a bit like having a long relaxing bubble bath with no bubble bath in it. Bearable but a bit bloody pointless.

Anyway, stay strong. At the moment it's the whole thing of getting a new routine, as well as staying sober. All this stuff comes naturally over time. For the first month or so it's best to keep things fairly simple anyway.

Good luck.