livingnow

As I just thought of NOT stopping at the store tonight for my beers, I just realized that :
I kinda "romance" the stop at the store,the walk across the store and carrying my beers to the counter. Then cooling them for the nights "intake" ...Its like I "love" Alcohol.

Gosh thats messed up!

Well, time for a new love I guess!!

TroyW

I don't know, but for me it was always the opposite. More of am embarrassed / ashamed feeling that I tried to get over as quick as possible. Even though I did rotate between all the shops close by that sell alcohol, all the cashiers still knew me. It was always kind of, "here's the white guy again, here to get another bottle".

For a while at the previous house, I even had one store down the street that would deliver to me. Just send a quick SMS, and 5 mins later a guy would show up on his bike with my "regular". Saved me from actually having to go outside, and have everyone see.

Man, how horrible...

Anna

Have you read 'Drinking: A Love Story' by Caroline Knapp? She is a young, successful professional woman who describes her relationship with white wine as a love affair.

Lily123

It is screwed up, I have my moments too Have you read, drinking: a love story? It's a really good book.

livingnow

HI Anna, No I haven't . Sounds like I should.!!!
Back in 2005 I wrote a "goodbye" letter to Winston lights" -That love had to go.
Thanks for the recommendation

Ruby2

I think many of us romanticized our consumption. Pretty pictures in our head of what we would be doing or feeling while drinking. For me it is and was sitting on my back porch during a rain storm, sipping red wine. The feeling of the glass in my hand. The sound of the rain hitting the roof. The reality always was far uglier. Anxiety, feeling ill, passing out. Those are the rituals and thoughts I keep in my head if I'm tempted.

Kylie9

I was the same but in my case I used to make 2/3 trips to the shop in one evening as I would convince myself buying a little bottle of vodka was better than a big one and I would stop after that only to go and buy 2/3 small one! I used to think how great the evening would be and we would cook and listen to music only for it to end in arguments wasted food a messy home and no money! That's what I'm going to keep reminding myself!

FarToGo

Oh my! this was so me. I got so ashamed some days, I'd drive miles to go to a different supermarket. Once I said to the check out girl that I was having a party! What a liar! I was just stocking up for the weekend so I didn't have to go to my usual stores yet again.
Yuk yuk yuk, good reminder for me, thanks.

least

I was always embarrassed to be at the store at 8 am buying wine. So glad those days are gone now.

aasharon90

It's all poison and we have an illness
called addiction that can be treated
with an affective recovery program.

Being taught an learning about our
addiction gives us strength, courage
and willingness to do whatever we
can incoperating this knowledge in
all areas of our life.

Fly N Buy

After many years of the liquor store dance, it became but a shameful intercourse, there was no romance.....

I would vary the stores nearby I would go to daily. I was hopeful the clerks would not remember me from a day or two ago(or was that yesterday.....damn). That maybe they'd forget the rotational pattern of my purchasing deception.
Alas, not likely.

As I progressed from the top shelf to the bottom shelf in my purchases I considered wearing a bugle puss novelty disguise. This way the clerks or other customers = neighbors - might not recognize me.

The bloom was forever off the romance rose of the buy - finally faded - when a young gal at my primary store would simply ask rum or vodka today? I would pause, smile and say - I thinks it's rum day - haaaaa!!!

She'd smile and chat during meaningless checkout embarrassed babble and I slink out of the store - hopeful no one in the parking lot would drive by and yell hello.

Yes, it was all very glamorous and romantic........ahhhh, the charm of it all.........

TroyW

Reminds me, I'll never forget the one day years ago when I was living in Canada. Generally, I was quite skilled in ensuring I didn't run out of alcohol while liquor stores were closed, but must have passed out that night and woke up after it was too late, or something.

Anyway, liquor store opened at 9am, so I was there and ready at 8:50am. So were about a dozen other people. I honestly think I was the only person in that crowd who wasn't homeless. When the lady opened the door, one guy in the crowd even laughingly yelled out, "look! we're all bums!". Ugghh.

ccam1973

There was no romancing the purchases for me. I hated going to the store to buy more beer, wine, liquor. It got so bad that I was buying a box of wine from Walmart every single day, along with beer. I was so embarrassed that I had to walk down the middle of the clothes isles to get to the checkout counter just so no one would see me.

Before that, I had to coordinate which liquor store I was going to buy from based on which ones i had been to earlier.

So sad, glad those days are over!!!

Stay strong Livingnow. You can do this. Lean on us as much as you need.

lighter

Packets of yeast and own brand supermarket fruit juice.

Cheapest home brew kit in the world and no embarrassment.

I considered it... but it would take too much time off the drinking.

FarToGo

Hahaha LOL x

livingnow

You guys stories are such a "buildup" for me.
Im not alone.
Just reading this thread has nailed it for me tonight.
I wonder if the nice man at the corner convenience missed my purchase this eve.
Right now - Im not.
(((SR)))
Not ashamed to say I need you all right now

TroyW

Hang in there livingnow.

Up to you, but we have a pretty good level of support going in the June class if you wanted to join in:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ne-2015-a.html

livingnow

will do thanks

Dee74

For me, especially by the end, the anticipation was very often better than the event. There was a whole ritual involved.

It was exhausting really, and to no good purpose.
I'm glad to leave all that behind

D

zjw

oh yeah that stroll in to get your bottle or pack of poison ooo the selection ooo that ones cold ooo that ones on sale hmm not enough money today for that one boy i wish i was wealthy i'd buy a ton of all this and really stock up.. Proudly stroll up to the counter feeling like DA MAN slap stuff on the counter hand card to the cashier to have him respond "Hey I know you your old man and my old man are best buds" thinking this is the zillionth time i've shopped here and checked out with this guy and the amt i buy well great now i cant shop here any longer....

rotating stores so no one would catch on to how much you consumed but still striking up a friendly chat with your local dealer like you are old buddies etc..

for me yes it was great but read between the lines there was a lot of not so great going on too. The trick is seeing it for what it is.

even now at 4 years sober i'll pull up to the grocery store near the beer store look over at there signs wonder how the old dealer is doing what are the prices like these days etc.. I'm like gosh i gotta stop thinking about that stuff!

when i quit it was like my best friend died. I shoulda had a damn funeral in the yard and played taps and had a 21 gun solute and an airforce flyover with the amt i romanticized the whole ordeal!

friggen nuts is what it was *sigh*