Do you ever feel....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 1
Do you ever feel....
Like there is something wrong with you for having hope your alcoholic will change and keep his word? I hear the same things over and over again about change and always believe and hope. Is there something wrong with me? There has to be?
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 165
There's nothing wrong with you at all dear. We love well, yet not always wisely. Our culture teaches us in many ways to hope based on a word. We "take people at their word", people affirm their character or another's because they are "a man of his word".
But the only reason we can take people at their word or admire a man of his word is because at some point their word is backed by action. If there is no action, no effort, no change longer than the next urge, then there is nothing and no reason to believe anything is going to change.
Insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. What do you want YOUR life to look like? What do YOU need? If you want different than what you have now, you must do different. He will change when he wants something more. At this point he doesn't and there is nothing you can do about that. But you can cut yourself some slack and start putting action over quacking. You can start detaching from the manipulation of him saying what he knows you want to hear. You can start going to a therapist, Al a non or studying SMART or rational recovery to learn how to quiet the voices in your own head.
Don't stop loving him. You don't have to. Just love him enough to let him find his way. ((((Hugs))))
But the only reason we can take people at their word or admire a man of his word is because at some point their word is backed by action. If there is no action, no effort, no change longer than the next urge, then there is nothing and no reason to believe anything is going to change.
Insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. What do you want YOUR life to look like? What do YOU need? If you want different than what you have now, you must do different. He will change when he wants something more. At this point he doesn't and there is nothing you can do about that. But you can cut yourself some slack and start putting action over quacking. You can start detaching from the manipulation of him saying what he knows you want to hear. You can start going to a therapist, Al a non or studying SMART or rational recovery to learn how to quiet the voices in your own head.
Don't stop loving him. You don't have to. Just love him enough to let him find his way. ((((Hugs))))
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