characterisitcs of the addict, what were your experiences?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 88
characterisitcs of the addict, what were your experiences?
I recently told my story on another thread and would just like "for some peace of mind" to know what your addicts signs of abuse were.... Relapse, eccetera. My fiancé abuses opiates, Oxys to be more specific. I would find tin foil and broken pens everywhere (from smoking them), notice his trips to the store were longer and more frequent, itchiness, raspy voice, irratibity.... Lying, making me feel absolutely insane and guilty for "not trusting him"
I know I might be asking for something unfair from all of you, but his mother and I would love to know that we are not insane and he is in fact using again....
Please, anything you can provide us with is beneficial
I know I might be asking for something unfair from all of you, but his mother and I would love to know that we are not insane and he is in fact using again....
Please, anything you can provide us with is beneficial
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Not present ( mentally)
Absent ( always gone)
My x used cocaine...nose ALWAYS running for months. One time he came home a wired.
Hemroids (lol)
Never answered his phone
Never home (kinda already said this)
These were all before he was caught...oh, also, never had money. Once caught I could never get a hold of him, he would lie, always cancel/ no show for sons visitation. He disappeared a lot...longest was a year in a half
Absent ( always gone)
My x used cocaine...nose ALWAYS running for months. One time he came home a wired.
Hemroids (lol)
Never answered his phone
Never home (kinda already said this)
These were all before he was caught...oh, also, never had money. Once caught I could never get a hold of him, he would lie, always cancel/ no show for sons visitation. He disappeared a lot...longest was a year in a half
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Oh, and he said he was sober. It messed with me at first, but I finally stopped listening to his bs...he was an addict. He had fooled a lot of people...even after he abandoned his family. Addiction is really hard to prove.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
DOC ... Heroin
Grogging out
Always planning how to scam everyone to get a bun
Lies ... or sometimes when he was more himself - he would not say anything
Making something up to have me drop him off and then disappearing with someone else for drugs
Telling me he had a medical issue so that I would help him - sympathy
Not eating - thought that since I cared I would help him so he could eat something
Victim - always
Not sleeping - I used to think it was because he was sick, actually it turned out that it was because he had somehow gotten H before we went out and then wanted more
Pinpoint pupils
Played one person against the other to have multiple 'rescuers'
omgosh ... there are sooooo many .....
Grogging out
Always planning how to scam everyone to get a bun
Lies ... or sometimes when he was more himself - he would not say anything
Making something up to have me drop him off and then disappearing with someone else for drugs
Telling me he had a medical issue so that I would help him - sympathy
Not eating - thought that since I cared I would help him so he could eat something
Victim - always
Not sleeping - I used to think it was because he was sick, actually it turned out that it was because he had somehow gotten H before we went out and then wanted more
Pinpoint pupils
Played one person against the other to have multiple 'rescuers'
omgosh ... there are sooooo many .....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 46
My ex's DOC was Percocet. He is dark skinned and has really dark eyes, so I could never tell by his pupils, even though that's the first thing everyone said to me, was "Check his pupils!" LOL.
His whole mood would change though. He would become more calm, relaxed, smiled more. He'd get almost silly, like I would catch him laughing about little things that either weren't that funny, or he normally wouldn't laugh at if he was sober.
He'd also get sleepy and nod off. He would forget things. If he told me the same story more than once in the same day, that was a dead giveaway for me that he was using. Especially if I said "I know. You told me this story 3 times today already." And he would have no recollection of telling it even once. Or on the flipside, he'd forget when I would tell him things. If I said I did something that day, or asked him what he wanted to do for dinner that night... anything like that. He'd be asking me again an hour later "So what do you feel like doing for dinner tonight?" I'd say "We just talked about this an hour ago. We're getting take out from that Italian place because you said you're in the mood for one of those steak tip subs you like so much." And he'd have no memory of it whatsoever.
He would also get much more lovey dovey. Wanted to constantly hold me, cuddle with me, and tell me a thousand times how awesome I was and how much he loved me.
And like some posters said on here, another big one was "I'm just going to take a walk to the corner store to get some cigarettes, soda" etc. Or "I'm going to take the dog for a walk." If I offered to go with him and he declined, that's when I knew he was up to something. He'd always claim to be back "in 20 minutes" but was gone for an hour to an hour and a half each time.
He would get really secretive with his phone. He'd go in another room to take calls, or he would take calls in front of me, but everything was "Yeah. OK. Right. Got it." Very secretive with texting. Made sure he held the screen in such a way that I couldn't see what he was saying or who it was. And then he'd either delete it immediately, or lock the screen immediately.
And the biggest thing of all, he NEVER had any money. He made twice as much money as I did, but constantly had financial problems. Bill collectors called his apartment non stop. There were times I had to lend him $20 so he could buy food for his dog! He always had an excuse about not having any cash on him, not wanting to have to find an ATM or pay a fee to take cash out, he accidentally left his debit card in his car or at work. "Friends" would call him looking for money that he owed them. Once I found out about his addiction, these were the signs I looked for to see if he was using.
And of course, if he was out of percs, and started withdrawing, watch out. He turned into an absolute nightmare. So sometimes I wouldn't necessarily be able to tell if he was using, but with the mood changes, irritability, non communication, feeling sick, picking fights with me... That's when I knew he had been using, and was coming down from it.
Wow, thanks for reminding me of what I don't have to deal with or put up with anymore!
His whole mood would change though. He would become more calm, relaxed, smiled more. He'd get almost silly, like I would catch him laughing about little things that either weren't that funny, or he normally wouldn't laugh at if he was sober.
He'd also get sleepy and nod off. He would forget things. If he told me the same story more than once in the same day, that was a dead giveaway for me that he was using. Especially if I said "I know. You told me this story 3 times today already." And he would have no recollection of telling it even once. Or on the flipside, he'd forget when I would tell him things. If I said I did something that day, or asked him what he wanted to do for dinner that night... anything like that. He'd be asking me again an hour later "So what do you feel like doing for dinner tonight?" I'd say "We just talked about this an hour ago. We're getting take out from that Italian place because you said you're in the mood for one of those steak tip subs you like so much." And he'd have no memory of it whatsoever.
He would also get much more lovey dovey. Wanted to constantly hold me, cuddle with me, and tell me a thousand times how awesome I was and how much he loved me.
And like some posters said on here, another big one was "I'm just going to take a walk to the corner store to get some cigarettes, soda" etc. Or "I'm going to take the dog for a walk." If I offered to go with him and he declined, that's when I knew he was up to something. He'd always claim to be back "in 20 minutes" but was gone for an hour to an hour and a half each time.
He would get really secretive with his phone. He'd go in another room to take calls, or he would take calls in front of me, but everything was "Yeah. OK. Right. Got it." Very secretive with texting. Made sure he held the screen in such a way that I couldn't see what he was saying or who it was. And then he'd either delete it immediately, or lock the screen immediately.
And the biggest thing of all, he NEVER had any money. He made twice as much money as I did, but constantly had financial problems. Bill collectors called his apartment non stop. There were times I had to lend him $20 so he could buy food for his dog! He always had an excuse about not having any cash on him, not wanting to have to find an ATM or pay a fee to take cash out, he accidentally left his debit card in his car or at work. "Friends" would call him looking for money that he owed them. Once I found out about his addiction, these were the signs I looked for to see if he was using.
And of course, if he was out of percs, and started withdrawing, watch out. He turned into an absolute nightmare. So sometimes I wouldn't necessarily be able to tell if he was using, but with the mood changes, irritability, non communication, feeling sick, picking fights with me... That's when I knew he had been using, and was coming down from it.
Wow, thanks for reminding me of what I don't have to deal with or put up with anymore!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 88
Wow the "extra lovey dovey" part is dead on.... I knew he was on a pill the moment id start hearing "your the most beautiful woman on earth... Blah blah blah I love you so much it hurts" and he was constantly touching and kissing me... I clearly remember him being high the night we got engaged, sad I know. We were out with literally everyone in town and he was screaming "omg I'm engaged!!! I'm the luckiest man on the planet!! Omg!!" it was completely exaggerated and borderline almost like "acting" I remember the next morning going to show my family the ring (they were so excited, bought food, champagne, flowers) and his mood completely changed. All the while at my families house he had his eyes glued to his phone trying to find his next oxy... Sad, so sad
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
All of the above posts are true.
Using looks like using. If it quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and hangs out with ducks... It isn't a chicken...
I would say that all of these symptoms boil down to selfishness. The biggest underlying symptom is extreme selfishness.
Using looks like using. If it quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and hangs out with ducks... It isn't a chicken...
I would say that all of these symptoms boil down to selfishness. The biggest underlying symptom is extreme selfishness.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
AH's DOC: Heroin, suboxone in large doses, benzos and sometimes coke/crack (likes to speedball and shoot both heroin and coke)
- pinned eyes
- scratching arms (at night he would put his arms up like in the air and scratch them)
- always in this calm weird state, like you know he has reached this other level of enlightenment and is just no longer on this planet
- frequent cold sweats (often sick with a mysterious illness similar to a flu)
- cramps, frequent bathroom breaks
- insomnia
- I have only found spoons twice in 5 years and needle once (when he was in a very bad state).
- frequent jail trips for theft under $500
- always broke
- constantly lying about EVERY LITTLE THING
- never any gas in a car, like he is a track driver and takes long drives. Where is he going? He has no job!
- SOMETHING ALWAYS GOING ON IN HIS LIFE, LIKE CHIT JUST IS NEVER RIGHT. I used to feel sorry for him - omg, he lost his job, omg, his car broke down, omg he lost his phone, omg he forgot to pay his ticket, omg, he needs to pay this bill or else. Constant state of f-ness.
Jeez, there are alot....
- pinned eyes
- scratching arms (at night he would put his arms up like in the air and scratch them)
- always in this calm weird state, like you know he has reached this other level of enlightenment and is just no longer on this planet
- frequent cold sweats (often sick with a mysterious illness similar to a flu)
- cramps, frequent bathroom breaks
- insomnia
- I have only found spoons twice in 5 years and needle once (when he was in a very bad state).
- frequent jail trips for theft under $500
- always broke
- constantly lying about EVERY LITTLE THING
- never any gas in a car, like he is a track driver and takes long drives. Where is he going? He has no job!
- SOMETHING ALWAYS GOING ON IN HIS LIFE, LIKE CHIT JUST IS NEVER RIGHT. I used to feel sorry for him - omg, he lost his job, omg, his car broke down, omg he lost his phone, omg he forgot to pay his ticket, omg, he needs to pay this bill or else. Constant state of f-ness.
Jeez, there are alot....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 71
same as above
Wow, you really don't feel alone here. My AEH was on heroin and who knows what else.
He to would run up to 7 eleven to buy dip and he would be gone 20 mins when it was only a quarter mile away. First thing in the morning he would take a long bath. When I questioned him about odd things, I was called insecure. All the times he lied and I found out about it, he thought I should just get over it ( his time frame). He would say he was going to a NA mtg and stay out later and later. I found needles, empty capsules and other paraphenila in the neighbors trash. Glad that chapter is over in my life.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
Fate
He to would run up to 7 eleven to buy dip and he would be gone 20 mins when it was only a quarter mile away. First thing in the morning he would take a long bath. When I questioned him about odd things, I was called insecure. All the times he lied and I found out about it, he thought I should just get over it ( his time frame). He would say he was going to a NA mtg and stay out later and later. I found needles, empty capsules and other paraphenila in the neighbors trash. Glad that chapter is over in my life.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
Fate
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 45
I have been thinking about this for a while and the scary thing is I didn't notice a lot of things which is why my ex was able to hide his using from me.
the things I did notice:
the first thing i always noticed was when he either high or drunk was that his mouth was always in a weird way its hard to explain but that was the one thing that gave himself away
came home late a lot from work ( when he did work)
when he would go to the store he was gone for a long time
he was always broke
he was very quiet and spent all his free time on his computer
I did notice he didn't take care of himself- showers were not important to him and he would wear the same clothes
he was always scratching himself - he was like that when we met and he was sober then so i never thought anything of it
i did notice his pinpoint pupils once - he was very good at avoiding looking at me
argumentative ( if i even asked him something he didn't want to deal with he got an attitude right away)
played the victim ( i was always the bitch for asking him questions)
i have to say i didn't notice most of these things when they were going on and like i said i believe he was good at hiding things, since i have starting thinking about similarities from now and past times he was using i feel so stupid, but i think my heart didn't want to admit what was going on.
the things I did notice:
the first thing i always noticed was when he either high or drunk was that his mouth was always in a weird way its hard to explain but that was the one thing that gave himself away
came home late a lot from work ( when he did work)
when he would go to the store he was gone for a long time
he was always broke
he was very quiet and spent all his free time on his computer
I did notice he didn't take care of himself- showers were not important to him and he would wear the same clothes
he was always scratching himself - he was like that when we met and he was sober then so i never thought anything of it
i did notice his pinpoint pupils once - he was very good at avoiding looking at me
argumentative ( if i even asked him something he didn't want to deal with he got an attitude right away)
played the victim ( i was always the bitch for asking him questions)
i have to say i didn't notice most of these things when they were going on and like i said i believe he was good at hiding things, since i have starting thinking about similarities from now and past times he was using i feel so stupid, but i think my heart didn't want to admit what was going on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Yes,
All of the above.
My XAH's drug was heroin. And I think probably other stuff too.
He would take the dog for a walk and be gone for 5 hours!!! In the rain.
It sounds so ridiculous now.
The pinprick eyes.
He was more lovey dovey and relaxed when he was high (although I only pieced those bits together after). And then moody / withdrawn and uncommunicative when he was withdrawing.
I found burned tin foil near our house.
And his energy changed. He felt 'harsher' if that makes any sense. I felt like he wasn't really there, more of a shell.
Itchy skin.
Raspy breathing at night (I really hated that noise when I was trying to go to sleep).
Secretive with his phone (suddenly put a code on to lock it).
Never had any money.
Lying and really weird, exaggerated stories (I don't know why the stories, some of them were just odd).
Our sex life became non existent - although most of that was me as I really didn't want to anymore.
He would also forget things I told him and claim that I hadn't told him.
He showered less.
His eczema got worse.
There was more stuff, and that is what I can remember right now.
All of the above.
My XAH's drug was heroin. And I think probably other stuff too.
He would take the dog for a walk and be gone for 5 hours!!! In the rain.
It sounds so ridiculous now.
The pinprick eyes.
He was more lovey dovey and relaxed when he was high (although I only pieced those bits together after). And then moody / withdrawn and uncommunicative when he was withdrawing.
I found burned tin foil near our house.
And his energy changed. He felt 'harsher' if that makes any sense. I felt like he wasn't really there, more of a shell.
Itchy skin.
Raspy breathing at night (I really hated that noise when I was trying to go to sleep).
Secretive with his phone (suddenly put a code on to lock it).
Never had any money.
Lying and really weird, exaggerated stories (I don't know why the stories, some of them were just odd).
Our sex life became non existent - although most of that was me as I really didn't want to anymore.
He would also forget things I told him and claim that I hadn't told him.
He showered less.
His eczema got worse.
There was more stuff, and that is what I can remember right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 45
More affectionate??
I have read a few posts here about mentioning there husbands/boyfriends being more affectionate when high and i never had that with my ex at all.
Only once when he was under the influence did he want to be close with me.
I wonder if hes actually not high when here and coming down and that's why hes so distant or when he was out he was getting friendly with someone else.
Just wanted to add my two cents into that one
Only once when he was under the influence did he want to be close with me.
I wonder if hes actually not high when here and coming down and that's why hes so distant or when he was out he was getting friendly with someone else.
Just wanted to add my two cents into that one
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 43
Constant disappearing, secrecy, half truth, mood swing, blaming games, big ego and low self esteem at the same time, broken promises and denial of promises, poor memory and not remember things said, never talk about what he did always talk about what he wants to do and his family's achievement.
Overall made me feel like he's hiding something and the whole relationship was built on lies.
Overall made me feel like he's hiding something and the whole relationship was built on lies.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 165
Nodding
Sneaky, always lying and plotting
Going for cigs, coming back the next morning
Either non sexual or insatiable and super cuddly depending
4 different doctors
Spotty hygiene
Lying in bed 3 days at a shot feeling like a worm or being king of the world
Talking a mile a second and bouncing off of the walls
Fights at work ( lost 6 jobs in the 2 years we were together)
Seriously enabling mom
He got mandated to 18 months rehab. Got out in 9. Met another patient in the rehab. They went straight from the facility to living together and planning a family. By my calculation, they been together about 5 months. This has disaster written all over it.
Sneaky, always lying and plotting
Going for cigs, coming back the next morning
Either non sexual or insatiable and super cuddly depending
4 different doctors
Spotty hygiene
Lying in bed 3 days at a shot feeling like a worm or being king of the world
Talking a mile a second and bouncing off of the walls
Fights at work ( lost 6 jobs in the 2 years we were together)
Seriously enabling mom
He got mandated to 18 months rehab. Got out in 9. Met another patient in the rehab. They went straight from the facility to living together and planning a family. By my calculation, they been together about 5 months. This has disaster written all over it.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 379
My son's DOC cocaine but as a garbage head, he takes whatever he can get:
Always planning how to scam everyone
Lies constantly
Making something up to have me drop him off and then disappearing with someone else for drugs
Not eating
Victim - always
Not sleeping
Extremely quick to anger
Clenched fists
Eyes lose their symmetry (showing brain damage)
Breakdowns (uncontrollable sobbing)
Leg shaking
No money
Always planning how to scam everyone
Lies constantly
Making something up to have me drop him off and then disappearing with someone else for drugs
Not eating
Victim - always
Not sleeping
Extremely quick to anger
Clenched fists
Eyes lose their symmetry (showing brain damage)
Breakdowns (uncontrollable sobbing)
Leg shaking
No money
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
Soon to be XAW...was on pills and I think it may get worse....
Started off with hanging around a girlfriend…all the time who happen to have back problems and always had pills.
Vanishing all the time, going here and there. I would offer to ride with her but I was told it was her, “alone time”.
A lot of money going out the door and then blaming me for complaining about it. (Cashed so many checks the place would not take checks from her anymore, checks she stole from me.)
Stealing all my jewelry, things that I have acquired from all over the world and pawning it. (Got so bad the pawn shop would not let her pawn things anymore.)
Claimed she was sexually assaulted in an area parking lot. (Refused to call the police and I found out it was consensual sex likely for drugs.)
Stealing everything that was not nailed down.
Passing out in various places to include finding her passed out sitting on the toilet. Always passed out sitting in a chair in the garage.
Wanted me to be affectionate but I had gotten to the point of being pissed off all the time I would just walk away when I could tell she was high.
Highs and lows, I literally did not know what I was walking into.
Refusing to work because she could not pass a drug test and it would interfere with getting high.
Cheating on me while I worked overseas.
Man I am dumb for not seeing all of this!!!!
Started off with hanging around a girlfriend…all the time who happen to have back problems and always had pills.
Vanishing all the time, going here and there. I would offer to ride with her but I was told it was her, “alone time”.
A lot of money going out the door and then blaming me for complaining about it. (Cashed so many checks the place would not take checks from her anymore, checks she stole from me.)
Stealing all my jewelry, things that I have acquired from all over the world and pawning it. (Got so bad the pawn shop would not let her pawn things anymore.)
Claimed she was sexually assaulted in an area parking lot. (Refused to call the police and I found out it was consensual sex likely for drugs.)
Stealing everything that was not nailed down.
Passing out in various places to include finding her passed out sitting on the toilet. Always passed out sitting in a chair in the garage.
Wanted me to be affectionate but I had gotten to the point of being pissed off all the time I would just walk away when I could tell she was high.
Highs and lows, I literally did not know what I was walking into.
Refusing to work because she could not pass a drug test and it would interfere with getting high.
Cheating on me while I worked overseas.
Man I am dumb for not seeing all of this!!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 71
same as above
Wow, you really don't feel alone here. My AEH was on heroin and who knows what else.
He to would run up to 7 eleven to buy dip and he would be gone 20 mins when it was only a quarter mile away. First thing in the morning he would take a long bath. When I questioned him about odd things, I was called insecure. All the times he lied and I found out about it, he thought I should just get over it ( his time frame). He would say he was going to a NA mtg and stay out later and later. I found needles, empty capsules and other paraphenila in the neighbors trash. Glad that chapter is over in my life.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
Fate
He to would run up to 7 eleven to buy dip and he would be gone 20 mins when it was only a quarter mile away. First thing in the morning he would take a long bath. When I questioned him about odd things, I was called insecure. All the times he lied and I found out about it, he thought I should just get over it ( his time frame). He would say he was going to a NA mtg and stay out later and later. I found needles, empty capsules and other paraphenila in the neighbors trash. Glad that chapter is over in my life.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
Fate
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 18
similar things...
My husband was a weed, alcohol, cocaine user.
With alcohol he would become more direct and short tempered.
With cocaine:
-he would be gone all night
-licked his teeth a lot
-clenched his fists
-money would be missing
-he couldn't remember a 24 hour period (black outs)
-very short tempered
With alcohol he would become more direct and short tempered.
With cocaine:
-he would be gone all night
-licked his teeth a lot
-clenched his fists
-money would be missing
-he couldn't remember a 24 hour period (black outs)
-very short tempered
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
I notice many or most of the characteristic or symptoms mentioned above.
With a alcohol, steroid & sports supplement user, pot various other stuff I notice:
-Always in a state of agitation, extremely short tempered.
-Frequently without money even with a job.
-Always about them, give an inch and they take miles.
-Always looking for a fault & blaming others for their issues & problems.
-Snap judgements .
-They are always the victim.
-Totally misplaced priorities or no priority on taking care of daily routine business that most sober deal with even if poorly.
- Unrealistic expectations.
-Physically they have a lot of weight changes, extra gray & thinning hair and skin issues along with a ALOT of complaints about their health.
With a alcohol, steroid & sports supplement user, pot various other stuff I notice:
-Always in a state of agitation, extremely short tempered.
-Frequently without money even with a job.
-Always about them, give an inch and they take miles.
-Always looking for a fault & blaming others for their issues & problems.
-Snap judgements .
-They are always the victim.
-Totally misplaced priorities or no priority on taking care of daily routine business that most sober deal with even if poorly.
- Unrealistic expectations.
-Physically they have a lot of weight changes, extra gray & thinning hair and skin issues along with a ALOT of complaints about their health.
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