Aislin

I am 38, have been a heavy drinker since I was around 21 and have tried time and again to stop. My drinking used to be fun, now it usually ends up in huge rows with my husband. I am not a nice drunk anymore.

I really want to stop and every morning I feel very sure that I am not going to have a drink that evening. However when evening comes around I always convince myself that I will have one more night of drinking just as a last drink and so I will decide to drink loads because I will never drink again. Of course the next day I do exactly the same again.

I don't even enjoy drinking anymore. It puts me in a bad mood because I feel so guilty that I am having a drink again when I promised myself I wouldn't

Does this make sense to any one?

Thanks

Mountainmanbob

Your story is told over and over again during AA meetings. And even more important, ones there share about how they got sober and stayed sober. You might find AA helpful ??

MM

TroyW

Probably to the majority of people here, yep.

I think what's said by alot of members who have achieved long-term sobriety is true. Actually, two things. 1.) you can only stop if you want to quit drinking more than you want to drink, and 2.) concentrate only on 24 hours at a time -- don't worry about next month, week, or even day -- just keep yourself sober for that 24 hours, and make yourself the same promise the next morning.

You could also always join our June class if wanted. Helps keep you and others accountable, even if it is only online.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ne-2015-a.html

Aislin

Thank you Mountainmanbob

Aislin

Thanks Troy, I will go and check out the June class. I guess when I think about not having a drink, I want to 'treat' myself just one more time. I need to get out of that mindset

Coldfusion

Hi Aislin!

I had a lot of trouble quitting, so I went to an in-patient detox for a week. If you are an every-day drinker, it might be helpful to see a doctor about quitting.

SoberRecovery is a great source of information and inspiration. I joined because I had misgivings about AA, but I learned that many here share my thoughts and we work through challenges together. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!

Aislin

Thanks Coldfusion, I am going to have a look at all the information on here. I first found this site back in August 2013 and I just looked back at my first post. I was shocked that it was two years ago I came here for help but i 'ran away' and the drinking carried on. I am saddened that I felt like this back then and had no idea that two years had passed and nothing has changed!

Coldfusion

You're not alone in so many ways!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-so-long.html

SoberLeigh

As the Queen of Day 1s (thousands of consecutive ones), your story rings so very true.

I had to accept - once and for all, never ever to go back - that alcohol had absolutely nothing of value to offer me, that I was incapable of moderation, and that, yes, I was an alcoholic. Acceptance was key.

Take it one day at a time, Aislin, while appreciating the goodness of each sober day.

You can do this; we are here for you.

least

Welcome back! When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to stay sober.

Aislin

Thank you so much everyone for your replies, it means so much to be able to be honest to people that understand where I am at. The only person in my life who knows how much I drink is my husband (although I am paranoid that people can smell alcohol on me!) Alot of people would be shocked and horrified if they knew. I come across as organised, in control and probably pretty 'square' to most people. I hate going out socialising because I struggle with anxiety so I never go out drinking with anyone I know. I should imagine a lot of people think I don't drink - how ironic is that!!

Fly N Buy

Sadly, yes it makes sense to most of us on here! Drinking daily although we swore we would not.
Truly insane behavior with which we identify.

There is hope and there is a way out of the cycle of insanity. Many of us have made a decision to seek the help we need in various fashions, stop drinking and learn how to stay stopped - one day at a time.

Glad you're here with us, welcome!

MIRecovery

I went through your stage and graduated to accepting I would just die a slow alcoholic death.

Then one day I decided I rather live than die and decided to do what I had to do to quit

biminiblue

Drinking to give myself a "treat." Oh, how I remember that.

In the end, I wasn't even getting that fun little buzz anymore - but oh, how I chased it anyway. Pretty crazy.

When I was still drinking but wanting to stop, I overheard someone in recovery saying that they were so happy to be going to bed sober.

That sounded so good to me, and became my mantra for the first few weeks. "I will go to bed sober tonight."

The bed is much softer, cleaner and more inviting now.

suzzi

This is so me x I used to wake up thinking I'm not drinking today x as I'd feel awful both in body and mind x then at night is think oh I feel ok now so I'll have a couple x next morning same thing x I'm now coming up to a week off alcohol and I'm glad of it though I feel awful x anxiety panic attacks and I think I've got a cold coming and I'm blaming all this on stopping drinking x x which really I should be positive about not drinking x

Aislin

Biminiblue I am the same. I drink to treat myself but I don't get the same buzz any more and so I drink more and more trying to get to that happy state but all that seems to happen is I get angry, argumentative and nasty to my husband. I can't remember the last time I drank and had a happy, fun time!

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you

Aislin

Beautiful picture :-)

Charlie117926

Aislin:

I have been through the cycle of stop then start so many times. One finally comes to the conclusion that drinking isn't worth it. One day I just realized i was sick and tired of being sick and tired and watching my life fall apart around me and my relationships dwindle with those closest to me.

I had to make many changes to my life in order to taste the sober life (the real way to live).

It's not easy but it's worth it. SR is a great tool to help you get started and continue on your sober path!

Delilah1

Hi Aslin,

I am only on day 16, but my story is pretty similar. Each morning I would think I am not going to drink tonight, then after a busy day with work and shuttling kids from one place to another I would decide I had earned s glass of wine to relax. Unfortunately, it was always several glasses, not just one.
Like you, I have been on this site for quite some time, and have had numerous day ones. I too can read old posts and kick myself for starting again. However, looking back is a waste of time, we can only focus on today, the one day at a time is so true about many things in life.
Glad you are here.:-)