That AV is a dirty....
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: midwest
Posts: 46
That AV is a dirty....
My teenage daughter came home drunk tonight. Very drunk. My first "feeling" was, I need to drink to deal with this. I didn't. And I won't, but how sick is that thinking?????
Obviously I need to be sober & present right now in order to keep an eye on her, keep her safe.
I'm just shocked & disgusted with my initial reaction :-(
Obviously I need to be sober & present right now in order to keep an eye on her, keep her safe.
I'm just shocked & disgusted with my initial reaction :-(
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
It's pretty normal in my opinion. I still catch myself saying to myself after a stressful situation, "I need a drink" sometimes out loud. I never have any intention of acting upon that. It's just a habitual reaction after many years of coping with booze. You'd think after the better part of three years that would go away but it hasn't. I usually just laugh at myself.
Drinking to deal with adversity only leads to more adversity. Good job working through it for your daughter and yourself.
Drinking to deal with adversity only leads to more adversity. Good job working through it for your daughter and yourself.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Oh man... I often think about that. The days ahead when my daughters are teens. How can I help them avoid the same fate....
I feel for you and wish you comfort, compassion, strength and empathy....
That AV is a real pain in the ass too. Good job staying sober!
I feel for you and wish you comfort, compassion, strength and empathy....
That AV is a real pain in the ass too. Good job staying sober!
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: midwest
Posts: 46
I cannot help but feel guilty that she drank. Kind of hard to scold her when she has witnessed my drinking. She turns 17 on Friday. As far as I know, she has only drank 3 times & got sick all 3 times. I am hoping that turns her off from drinking. I don't want her to ever go through what I am going through.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
L4L, I have twin 18 year old daughters. One walks the straight and narrow and the other one reminds me of me. Her first run in was getting a ride home from the police @15 because she was in a car where people were smoking pot and drinking but convinced the police that she didn't. I didn't buy it so i confiscated her phone and learned a whole lot about what she was up to.
Over the next 3 years she didn't do a great job covering her tracks but did well in school and is off to college in the Fall. I have had countless talks with her. I was a terrible teenager so in comparison she is doing much better than me in the drinking/drugs dept but I believe the switch has been flipped. We all know about that "switch".
My last talk right after graduation last week was blunt. I told her that both myself and mom have the bad gene. The one that makes you start and not stop. And I feared she has it too. I went as far to say that I'm almost positive she has it. She was actually scared and not the typical stoic "I know more than you" teenager.
Like you, I'm dealing with my own demons right now and it's tough but absolutely necessary. Let your daughter know why you are going sober, why it's so hard, and why you wouldn't wish the addicted drinking life on anyone. I told my older daughters time and time again that if I could turn the clock back right now the 2 things I would immediately change is not taking the first drink and not smoking my first cigarette. This risk/reward is heavyweight on the risk and non-existent on the reward.
Welcome and good luck to you and your family!
Over the next 3 years she didn't do a great job covering her tracks but did well in school and is off to college in the Fall. I have had countless talks with her. I was a terrible teenager so in comparison she is doing much better than me in the drinking/drugs dept but I believe the switch has been flipped. We all know about that "switch".
My last talk right after graduation last week was blunt. I told her that both myself and mom have the bad gene. The one that makes you start and not stop. And I feared she has it too. I went as far to say that I'm almost positive she has it. She was actually scared and not the typical stoic "I know more than you" teenager.
Like you, I'm dealing with my own demons right now and it's tough but absolutely necessary. Let your daughter know why you are going sober, why it's so hard, and why you wouldn't wish the addicted drinking life on anyone. I told my older daughters time and time again that if I could turn the clock back right now the 2 things I would immediately change is not taking the first drink and not smoking my first cigarette. This risk/reward is heavyweight on the risk and non-existent on the reward.
Welcome and good luck to you and your family!
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
You're are the role model you want to be when sober and she's going to need you more than ever these next few years, and need you to be "with it", (maybe just my experience with my daughter, but a common one I think).
Thoughts are nothing more than that, you didn't drink, so brilliant you!
lots of luck with the teen years! xx
Thoughts are nothing more than that, you didn't drink, so brilliant you!
lots of luck with the teen years! xx
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: midwest
Posts: 46
Wow MasterChill - I can totally relate to absolutely everything you said!!!! Her dad & I both do have the bad gene. Along with many other family members on both sides.
I also was a "wild" teen - so perhaps to a fault, I tend to get her & the pressures she is faced with. But I am so sad and afraid that she may experience the same struggles I am facing right now in her future.
She also does very well with school and music, but smokes pot. I think the drinking has only been on a few occurrences (that I know of).
I have been trying to talk to her, like you have with your daughter. I dont always feel like I'm getting through to her, but I am just going to keep doing it.
I fear she might not find me very credible right now because over the past almost 2 years I have been working on my sobriety but slipped several times.
I am on day 9 right now and feel very hopeful that this time is going to be different (I didnt have SR before).
And I need to find the strength to be strong to be a good example for her!!!!
Thank you to everyone else as well. Your support means so much to me :-)
I also was a "wild" teen - so perhaps to a fault, I tend to get her & the pressures she is faced with. But I am so sad and afraid that she may experience the same struggles I am facing right now in her future.
She also does very well with school and music, but smokes pot. I think the drinking has only been on a few occurrences (that I know of).
I have been trying to talk to her, like you have with your daughter. I dont always feel like I'm getting through to her, but I am just going to keep doing it.
I fear she might not find me very credible right now because over the past almost 2 years I have been working on my sobriety but slipped several times.
I am on day 9 right now and feel very hopeful that this time is going to be different (I didnt have SR before).
And I need to find the strength to be strong to be a good example for her!!!!
Thank you to everyone else as well. Your support means so much to me :-)
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Good job on staying sober for your daughter. As she sees how hard it has been for you to stay sober, it may dawn on her just how bad alcohol can be. Talk to her about your battle. At her age she can understand. Let her know it is not what you want for her, even ask for her help. You are doing great. I pray your daughter sees how strong you are becoming.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Kids are awesome and down right awful aren't they, L4L? haha
My daughters never looked at me as an alcoholic. I was the functioning type who drank heavy at night but didn't lose control so they never really viewed it as a problem. I changed that perception with the truth. I said physical damage has been done because of drinking and I was going to die young if I didn't knock it off. I told them about the physical withdrawals my first week and they were shocked. I wasn't ashamed when I told them. They need to know the truth. They need to know that daily drinking isn't cool or fun. It's an illness that destroys a person's chemistry over time. The one saving grace with my experimental teen is that she's a natural fitness nut. Getting wasted won't help in that dept. I tell them what day I'm on every afternoon. Today is 17. The longest they've seen me not drink in their lives. Feels pretty good but a long road is in front of me.
My daughters never looked at me as an alcoholic. I was the functioning type who drank heavy at night but didn't lose control so they never really viewed it as a problem. I changed that perception with the truth. I said physical damage has been done because of drinking and I was going to die young if I didn't knock it off. I told them about the physical withdrawals my first week and they were shocked. I wasn't ashamed when I told them. They need to know the truth. They need to know that daily drinking isn't cool or fun. It's an illness that destroys a person's chemistry over time. The one saving grace with my experimental teen is that she's a natural fitness nut. Getting wasted won't help in that dept. I tell them what day I'm on every afternoon. Today is 17. The longest they've seen me not drink in their lives. Feels pretty good but a long road is in front of me.
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