Sometimes I want to
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Sometimes I want to
Reach out to exabf.
Is this normal?
How do I deal with it?
I know nothing good would come out of it, so I haven't done it.
Yet, the urge is still there.
I have blocked him everywhere and even deactivated my facebook account, but sometimes I feel so anxious. Being this anxious is having a physical effect on me.
My health is not that great now, and I can't sleep properly at night.
I don't think this is due to co-dependency. (Or is it?)
Any suggestions on this and also, how to improve one's self esteem?
Is this normal?
How do I deal with it?
I know nothing good would come out of it, so I haven't done it.
Yet, the urge is still there.
I have blocked him everywhere and even deactivated my facebook account, but sometimes I feel so anxious. Being this anxious is having a physical effect on me.
My health is not that great now, and I can't sleep properly at night.
I don't think this is due to co-dependency. (Or is it?)
Any suggestions on this and also, how to improve one's self esteem?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I think it's pretty normal.
What have you changed FOR YOU since your breakup? Any new groups, activities, getting back in touch with old friends you've been ignoring, etc? My self esteem grew incrementally over time as I joined groups, met new people, started new activities, etc.
Do you have health problems that are impacting your ability to sleep or has lack of sleep brought on health issues? There are all kinds of things that may help with that - yoga, meditation, exercise, journaling, OTC meds like melatonin, etc, depending on the root problem.
What have you changed FOR YOU since your breakup? Any new groups, activities, getting back in touch with old friends you've been ignoring, etc? My self esteem grew incrementally over time as I joined groups, met new people, started new activities, etc.
Do you have health problems that are impacting your ability to sleep or has lack of sleep brought on health issues? There are all kinds of things that may help with that - yoga, meditation, exercise, journaling, OTC meds like melatonin, etc, depending on the root problem.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Hi TimetoHeal.... I go through that very same thing! ugh... not just this time around. In fact, I had this one relationship with a man that went off and on for about six years, and I at one point found every excuse in the book to reach out to him. Eventually, I just kept ignoring this urge and I just got stronger at doing it over time.... like developing a muscle.
Now, when I find myself emotional and/or missing my recent xabf, I come to SR as often as I can. I also have learned to fill my time with exercise, cooking, reading, hanging out with my kids, hiking, the beach (I live close), or chores, and if I get any extra time, I pick up my guitar and write music. Having time fillers helps distract me. Right now, though, I am still struggling to deal with the incessant thinking... the obsession of constantly thinking about it. I find in those times that I have to stay away from SR, because it just adds to me thinking about all of this nonsense in my life! lol
Now, when I find myself emotional and/or missing my recent xabf, I come to SR as often as I can. I also have learned to fill my time with exercise, cooking, reading, hanging out with my kids, hiking, the beach (I live close), or chores, and if I get any extra time, I pick up my guitar and write music. Having time fillers helps distract me. Right now, though, I am still struggling to deal with the incessant thinking... the obsession of constantly thinking about it. I find in those times that I have to stay away from SR, because it just adds to me thinking about all of this nonsense in my life! lol
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
As you work towards improved self-esteem, the desire for validation from people who are emotionally unavailable will go away.
I worked on my self-esteem primarily in one-on-one therapy, but also by spending time with healthy people who liked me for exactly who I was, by engaging in activities and hobbies I enjoyed, and by taking care of myself. It is not an overnight process, by any means, but every little choice you make that is Pro-YOU helps.
I worked on my self-esteem primarily in one-on-one therapy, but also by spending time with healthy people who liked me for exactly who I was, by engaging in activities and hobbies I enjoyed, and by taking care of myself. It is not an overnight process, by any means, but every little choice you make that is Pro-YOU helps.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Timetoheal....now might be a good time to re-read the posts that you have already recieved, in the past. This subject has been discussed, there.
Yes, the urge is normal. and will return for several weeks to several months.
As, has been suggested by others, you go on with your new life....the urge will grow progressively weaker.....until....one day in the future, you will wonder what you thought was so attractive t low-level protien....
dandylion
Yes, the urge is normal. and will return for several weeks to several months.
As, has been suggested by others, you go on with your new life....the urge will grow progressively weaker.....until....one day in the future, you will wonder what you thought was so attractive t low-level protien....
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by FireSprite 
I think it's pretty normal.
What have you changed FOR YOU since your breakup? Any new groups, activities, getting back in touch with old friends you've been ignoring, etc? My self esteem grew incrementally over time as I joined groups, met new people, started new activities, etc.
Do you have health problems that are impacting your ability to sleep or has lack of sleep brought on health issues? There are all kinds of things that may help with that - yoga, meditation, exercise, journaling, OTC meds like melatonin, etc, depending on the root problem.
What have you changed FOR YOU since your breakup? Any new groups, activities, getting back in touch with old friends you've been ignoring, etc? My self esteem grew incrementally over time as I joined groups, met new people, started new activities, etc.
Do you have health problems that are impacting your ability to sleep or has lack of sleep brought on health issues? There are all kinds of things that may help with that - yoga, meditation, exercise, journaling, OTC meds like melatonin, etc, depending on the root problem.
I have been in contact with all of my friends since the break up and even before the break up. At least, with all of my real friends, and I have been recently meeting new people trough them, and that's good.
But other than this, I haven't done anything for me.
Maybe buying some stuff, but not any major changes.
I have always exercised daily for the past 6 years, so that's not an issue.
I DO WANT to get to music classes again, but I can't do it right now cause' my semester at school is getting a little hard.
I think it is the second option, I haven't slept well for more than 3 weeks now so that is what is making me get sick I guess.
Meditation sounds like a great option...
Thanks for everything FireSprite! :hug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
As you work towards improved self-esteem, the desire for validation from people who are emotionally unavailable will go away.
I worked on my self-esteem primarily in one-on-one therapy, but also by spending time with healthy people who liked me for exactly who I was, by engaging in activities and hobbies I enjoyed, and by taking care of myself. It is not an overnight process, by any means, but every little choice you make that is Pro-YOU helps.
I worked on my self-esteem primarily in one-on-one therapy, but also by spending time with healthy people who liked me for exactly who I was, by engaging in activities and hobbies I enjoyed, and by taking care of myself. It is not an overnight process, by any means, but every little choice you make that is Pro-YOU helps.
Thank you, SparkleKitty.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by dandylion
Timetoheal....now might be a good time to re-read the posts that you have already recieved, in the past. This subject has been discussed, there.
Yes, the urge is normal. and will return for several weeks to several months.
As, has been suggested by others, you go on with your new life....the urge will grow progressively weaker.....until....one day in the future, you will wonder what you thought was so attractive t low-level protien....
dandylion
Yes, the urge is normal. and will return for several weeks to several months.
As, has been suggested by others, you go on with your new life....the urge will grow progressively weaker.....until....one day in the future, you will wonder what you thought was so attractive t low-level protien....
dandylion
Thank you dandylion.
I know everyone here had already gave me advice about this.
It just kind of annoys me how I went back to him again, but, it is what it is and now I have to deal with the results.
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