not handling this too wel
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 1
not handling this too wel
My boyfriend recently got out of a 30 day rehab/recovery program. He is showing absolutely no interest in me-- from asking how I am to anything intimate. Is this normal? has anyone else experienced this?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, sdwayway. I hope you can take some time to read around the forums and check out the stickies at the top of the page. There's a lot of wisdom and experience here; I hope you find it helpful.
Regarding your boyfriend--I can't say if it's "normal", but I can say I've seen others here post similar things. If he really worked in his rehab, he's seeing a whole different world in a whole different way right now, and it's likely very difficult for him to deal with. That isn't an excuse for him treating you poorly or ignoring you, however--just a statement that he may need to spend all his energy on his own recovery right now.
I know I expected that simply removing the alcohol would solve all the problems in my marriage to my A. If he only got sober, then everything would be all right! Well, it didn't work quite like that....
Altho this may sound crazy, I'm going to suggest that you continue to seek help and support for YOU--keep reading and posting here, look for a local Alanon meeting or two. As you educate yourself about alcoholism, you'll start to understand what it does to BOTH partners in a relationship, not just the drinker.
I'm sure you'll get more feedback from folks who've been in this situation. Again, welcome to SR and keep coming back!
Regarding your boyfriend--I can't say if it's "normal", but I can say I've seen others here post similar things. If he really worked in his rehab, he's seeing a whole different world in a whole different way right now, and it's likely very difficult for him to deal with. That isn't an excuse for him treating you poorly or ignoring you, however--just a statement that he may need to spend all his energy on his own recovery right now.
I know I expected that simply removing the alcohol would solve all the problems in my marriage to my A. If he only got sober, then everything would be all right! Well, it didn't work quite like that....
Altho this may sound crazy, I'm going to suggest that you continue to seek help and support for YOU--keep reading and posting here, look for a local Alanon meeting or two. As you educate yourself about alcoholism, you'll start to understand what it does to BOTH partners in a relationship, not just the drinker.
I'm sure you'll get more feedback from folks who've been in this situation. Again, welcome to SR and keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 165
I recently posted about a text that I got from my ex. He's just out of rehab. For all of the blather he wrote, not once did he simply ask " how are you?" Addiction is self centered and selfish, so is early recovery. In time he may be able to see past his own nose, right now it's all too new. Or this may just be who he is. Only you will be able to decide how long you want to wait.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
At 30 days sober, this was pretty "normal" for my RAH. It took all his focus most days to just put one foot in front of the other & keep moving forward..... it was DEFINITELY frustrating no matter how well I understood the reasons for it. (((hugs)))
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Even though it may be normal, or not... your feelings are valid. What lies ahead for you is your choice on whether or not you will wait to see what happens next. What's nice is that in the meantime, you may find it helpful to just focus on you and let him be where is...
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I don't know what your boyfriend was like before going to rehab, but consider that for many addicts, drugs and alcohol are coping mechanisms for dealing with unpleasant feelings, go-to substances for managing painful emotions. Learning to live without the things you used to numb everything with (learning to live "life on life's terms") can be overwhelming. Even small everyday tasks can take intense focus.
I'm not saying it's a good thing he isn't paying attention to you now, only that he may simply not have the capacity to do anything other than not-drink right now. No one can predict how long this will last, but I would caution you against pressuring him to do more than he is capable of right now. For many addicts, early sobriety is a minute-by-minute life or death battle that takes all they have.
This may pass. It may not; it may be that this is who he is now. Do you know what you are willing to accept and for how long?
I'm not saying it's a good thing he isn't paying attention to you now, only that he may simply not have the capacity to do anything other than not-drink right now. No one can predict how long this will last, but I would caution you against pressuring him to do more than he is capable of right now. For many addicts, early sobriety is a minute-by-minute life or death battle that takes all they have.
This may pass. It may not; it may be that this is who he is now. Do you know what you are willing to accept and for how long?
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