iGirl66

Sometimes I think God puts people in your life just so that you can gain clarity. They are like beacons and living proverbs, mirrors to reflect truth or lenses to clear things up. One conversation with them and you feel like you've cut months of unessacary struggle off of your own recovery.

Last night I had the immense pleasure of talking to a good friend of mine from my military days almost 30 years ago. When we were young and foolish and he a full blown alcoholic, we had a brief affair. We reconnected about three years ago and have kept in touch since. He is 25 years sober and still working a program, being a sponsor and dealing with life's ups and downs, mainly lots of downs, but without relapsing. The horror of that past life and two young children who depend on him has kept him clean.

Even though our encounter years ago was mainly hormonal, there was a solid friendship there. We actually just liked hanging out and talking. to both of our surprise and delight, we still do like to talk to each other.

This is the first real conversation we've had since my break up with the ex. He gave me serious insight and with every word I could hear the wisdom, experience and strength. No slogans, no pseudo spiritual quacking, no 90 day wunderkind arrogance. None of that political half apology "mistakes were made" bs. Just the real talk. This is how I really know that my ex and his family and new girl are all still very, very sick. They are fully incapable of this type of conversation.

It's also how I know that I am too though the rage has subsided and the tears are dried. Its all still too new and the temptation to think I can just move on because "I know better now" and I am beyond the reach of my own relapse is ever present. I am gaining strength day by day. Saying no without guilt, saying yes and not fearing that I'm asking too much. Without him, my friends like him and all of you, I don't think I'd be this far along. You are all truly a blessing

daydreamer0217

Aww. Hon. Yes. A great conversation is so awesome. Authentic and real. I love reading this. I had to call a bunch of people lately with the stuff going on. Some i have neglected because i didn't want them to know how bad it really was. I withdrew. Reaching out again has been what i needed. To really laugh and cry ( and not be crying because of him ) although i saw him the other night. I fully get what you mean. It wasn't an authentic conversation because he does not get it yet. And that is ok. Hugs to you. What a great post

iGirl66

Thanks! When I got that text from my ex. It just fell flat with me. I thought it was a sign of me being over him, but it was a sign of being over bs in general no matter how much sugar you sprinkle over it. It was one of those cold and impersonal "that's what I'm supposed to say" type things with no deep understanding. Nooooope, got no time for it.

daydreamer0217

You know what my ex said the other day? He said. " i guess you think you are the reason i am sober. You want all the credit that i am sober" i laughed. i wanted to say he did the hard work and how proud i was. But i didnt. I just laughed . Ridiculous!! I knew at that moment that he was an ahole. And that he will be drinking again. He is not recovered. And you know what? Not my problem... onwards and up hon. Hugs

iGirl66

Not our monkeys, not our circus!

LemonGirl

I was just thinking something similar about how the talk changes from quacking and just talking the talk to some real raw talk. Is it me, or is talking with long time recovered alcoholics actually refreshing.....? Different from "normies" I mean. There's a different sort of wisdom in these people.

daydreamer0217

Yes LG. I agree. I think anyone who has lived a time in darkness is wiser. They do not judge as harshly. They understand things in a different way. They have truly lived.