No, not me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
No, not me
Working my way down the list of characteristics I came across this one
#4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
No. Not me. I have a perfect understanding of my needs and limitations. This certainly doesn't apply to me.
jeez, now that's really B.S. I have a bad case of resistance to this one. Which means it's totally true, I just can't see it.
I know that one of my biggest motivators ever since I can remember has been to be _different_ from my "toxic" family. Somewhere along the way, that "different" became "opposite". So instead of being irresponsible, I became over-responsible. Instead of lazy, work-aholic. I have no problem being kind and understanding of others, but I have no idea how to do that for myself.
Perhaps I am using all this lack of mercy as a means of hiding from my own feelings? Avoiding issues from way back when? Maybe I'm trying to prove to the world that I'm not like my family? Maybe I'm trying to compensate for the "shame" that rubbed off on me as a child?
I'm trying to work on this part of me, but I'm not real sure which way to go. It's not the amount of time I put in at work, it's the feelings of urgency, stress and inadequacy that come up regardless of how much I work. I would never expect anybody else to do what I do, would even tell them it's not healthy. Yet I can't tell myself.
Participating in this forum is one way of finding a little bit of health-time for me. As is going to real life meetings. I am forcing myself to get enough sleep, eating healthy, have doubled my workout time. I'm doing the actions, "bringing the body" as they say in AA.
Now I gotta work on not feeling guilty when I do so. It really makes me totaly nuts to be doing things that are _good_ for my mental health instead of things that are "over-responsible". Guess I'll just have to keep at it, one day at a time, 'till it starts to feel good :-)
Mike :-)
#4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
No. Not me. I have a perfect understanding of my needs and limitations. This certainly doesn't apply to me.
jeez, now that's really B.S. I have a bad case of resistance to this one. Which means it's totally true, I just can't see it.
I know that one of my biggest motivators ever since I can remember has been to be _different_ from my "toxic" family. Somewhere along the way, that "different" became "opposite". So instead of being irresponsible, I became over-responsible. Instead of lazy, work-aholic. I have no problem being kind and understanding of others, but I have no idea how to do that for myself.
Perhaps I am using all this lack of mercy as a means of hiding from my own feelings? Avoiding issues from way back when? Maybe I'm trying to prove to the world that I'm not like my family? Maybe I'm trying to compensate for the "shame" that rubbed off on me as a child?
I'm trying to work on this part of me, but I'm not real sure which way to go. It's not the amount of time I put in at work, it's the feelings of urgency, stress and inadequacy that come up regardless of how much I work. I would never expect anybody else to do what I do, would even tell them it's not healthy. Yet I can't tell myself.
Participating in this forum is one way of finding a little bit of health-time for me. As is going to real life meetings. I am forcing myself to get enough sleep, eating healthy, have doubled my workout time. I'm doing the actions, "bringing the body" as they say in AA.
Now I gotta work on not feeling guilty when I do so. It really makes me totaly nuts to be doing things that are _good_ for my mental health instead of things that are "over-responsible". Guess I'll just have to keep at it, one day at a time, 'till it starts to feel good :-)
Mike :-)
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I am with you on this one Mike but for me my motivation is approval seeking. That is a bottomless pit when you also find it difficult to accept a positive comment from someone else.
I posted a little while ago about "the should's" which haunt me. I can run through a list of things I should be doing and then beat myself up for not doing them. Something I have recently come to learn is that I have to listen to my internal dialogue...that tape that is running all the time. I can stop, rewind and cut myself some slack when I am paying attention.
JT
I posted a little while ago about "the should's" which haunt me. I can run through a list of things I should be doing and then beat myself up for not doing them. Something I have recently come to learn is that I have to listen to my internal dialogue...that tape that is running all the time. I can stop, rewind and cut myself some slack when I am paying attention.
JT
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Keeping tabs on my internal dialogue is essential to my recovery. And as much as I would like to say that all the negative voices are gone, they aren't. However I am much more aware of them when they pop up and I have a better ability to shut them down than I used to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by JT
I am with you on this one Mike but for me my motivation is approval seeking. That is a bottomless pit when you also find it difficult to accept a positive comment from someone else.
Originally Posted by JT
... I can stop, rewind and cut myself some slack when I am paying attention.
Mike :-)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
