Stecar

I went 22 days sober. Friday night, a friend came over. She hasn't drank in over two years because of pregnancy, breastfeeding, etc. She wanted to have a wine night, and I caved. I didn't get drunk, I had a bottle of wine over a few hours but I've been beating myself up about it since. I've always battled the term "alcoholic" when it comes to myself and have always more or less said that I'm a "problem drinker"...Not every time I have drank or drink, bad things happened, but bad things have happened drunk. Car got totaled, DUI, assault, over a few years....my rationality sometimes goes out the window, but I always blamed my actions on my mood before I started drinking. Such as if I was having a bad night and drank, something would make me snap easier, etc. i just thought that was everybody though...I've never been emotionally or physically dependent on alcohol. My life has always been functioning. I've always worked, taken care of my son and I go day to day with a pretty consistent life and then there'd be those few instances, where I had drank too much and bad things happened....here's my problem...I enjoy having a few drinks. I don't enjoy being DRUNK, but sometimes I'm fine and then one drink just puts me over the edge. I don't know if it's not being able to pace myself, or limit myself, or what. When I go out and someone offers me a drink or shot, I've always just taken it. I'm 23. I'm young. All my friends drink. Most my friends don't even think my drinking is a problem....I'll go periods of time without drinking. I don't have to drink every day. I don't even have the desire to drink every day. I think since my whole family are alcoholics that they have drilled it in to my head that I will be or am. I've never had issues having a few drinks at home or having friends come over and having a few drinks, playing poker, cards, etc. The only time bad things have happened is when I went out. I know I shouldn't go out and drink but I still like to have the occasional drink here or there socially. I'm more of wondering if I actually have a problem or if my family has scared me into thinking I have a problem. I don't drink in front of my son. I don't get drunk at home with my son...but I do have friends come have a couple drinks some times. I've never been irresponsible or anything at home...it's literally only when I go out. I let the pressure of people handing me drinks and shots take over....

Sorry for the rambling. I've just been thinking this over and over...

WildernessVoice

IMHO you are an alcoholic, same as me. The distinction is those who are not, do not have "bad things happen" or times when they lose control, period. I am sorry but I believe this to be the truth. Being an alcoholic does not mean by definition that you drink everyday. If you find also that even on Friday night pacing yourself was something you had to be cognizant of and pay attention to then again yes you have a problem.

You must have come to this site for a reason, yes? You are so young and can get this behind you before any real life damage is done. You don't have to drink to be socially accepted... just my thoughts.

You already know the answer to your question don't you

Anna

These bad things are caused by your drinking which, at times, is out of control. I wouldn't worry about the label. Do you want to stop drinking? If so, we can help.

Stecar

I really wish I could get out of the bar business. I serve alcohol and am surrounded by drunk people ALL THE TIME....and I'll sit and think that's "normal" because that's what I'm surrounded by. People who drink one after another after another. Business people, people from all walks of life, and I wonder, well, if they don't have a problem, then why would I? All my friends are young, all of them are drinkers. 99% of them drink wayyyyy more the me and yet they don't have the consequences that I've even had.

Stecar

Honestly, I always wished I could be a social drinker. I've wondered at times if it was the stage at life I'm in or my age or the people I surround myself by when I go out that leads to me drinking more. I'm also always sooooo focused on my son that the times I do go out, I've wanted to let lose because I don't ever get that time to myself.

Stecar

This might sound completely stupid too....but I get anxiety around people, especially new people or groups or people. I'm scared if being judged, I can't open up, so I'd go out, try to have a few drinks because I'd come out of my shell. Same with dating. I'd have a few drinks to make myself not so nervous and this is TMI but I can't have sex sober barely ever since I've had my son..:.i just feel completely uncomfortable with myself and my body. I rarely have sex or can be naked in front of someone. I just think I'm a ball of issues.

MyTime86

Your young it's normal to not feel completely comfortable with your self. You still have a lot to learn about your self an life.
Sounds like alcohol causes problems in your life give the sober life a real try and use everyday to learn about what you truly like and you will find yourself sober

WildernessVoice

Hun, you are not alone in any of the issues mentioned....
Everyone here wants to get sober and I am guessing you want that for yourself and your child too. You have come to a good place. Welcome and I wish you the best. I hope you didn't think I was trying to be harsh to you......

Trust me when I say I have done far worse than you!!!

Stecar

I want to give my son the best life possible. I'm always so busy with him, working, being a single mom, bills, my house, I don't know how to relax or just focus on myself. I get really lonely. I just let life wear on me. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by the end of the day, I just want some release. I was diagnosed bipolar at 16 and I have highs and lows. I sometimes feel on top of the world and then other days I'm just depressed, for no apparent reason. I won't even know why I feel sad or feel the way I feel.

Bailey3

You need to remember that alcoholism is progressive. I thought the same as you about my drinking when I was your age. Looking back I wish I would've stopped about three decades ago.

rosalia

If you are thinking that you have a problem with alcohol as much as you are, then you definitely going to have to face the truth. People who drink normally are OK after one or two... they leave some in the glass, they walk away, go home and don't think about it for days or weeks. They have it sometimes socially and that's it. It is not something they would ever waste energy obsessing about. Alcoholics, on the other hand, think about it a lot. We planned our lives around it. It's freeing to finally admit I can't do drink anymore and simply live that way. Healing takes time, but you being so young means you haven't done the damage you will definitely do if you continue. Read some of the posts on this site and see what you could be setting yourself up for. How wise of you to make the choice to be sober so young. If you need help in other areas, (I also have anxiety about things) try and get help for it. Alcohol will just make that stuff worse over time. (take it from one who knows)

Rosalia

Inchworm

Stecar, how wise of you to mull these issues at your age. I wish I had done so. Alcohol does a horrible job of treating mood disorders.

maia1234

Stecar, good for you for reaching out and asking questions. You are a very wise young lady. I hate to say it, but I feel DNA has a lot to do with being an alcoholic. I know that your family talked to you about your drinking, but the odds were stacked up against you.

My X is an alcoholic, as his father. He is still drinking and that is why we are divorced. But I have instilled in my two daughters, that they have his DNA and chances are very good that they are predisposed. I am blessed that they are 21 and 22 and neither of them really drink. (so far). Believe in your gut, that you can be a much better mother to little stecar, sober then drinking.

Listen to these old times, as I am sure many wished they stopped in there twenty's instead of 40's, 50's or 60's.

hugs my friend!!

least

I hope you can find the support you need to get sober for good, before something really awful happens.

Stecar

Thank you all for your kind words. It's sometimes hard to listen to my family, even though we are so close, because they are biased and I feel at some times a little judgemental and honestly the "friends" I have just don't get it.....and I have a really hard time opening up and talking about how I feel, or don't want to look crazy.

MrX

1 day sober

Stecar

I love all the advice. It gives me a positive perspective.

Ruby2

Being a mom is hard work. Being a single mom is even harder. I'm a mom and though I'm married, pretty much function as a single mother. What support do you have in your life to take care of your needs?

I've struggled with not being comfortable with other people and it has taken a good part of my life to get comfortable talking to new people. I'm still not very good at it but it's actually gotten so much easier since I stopped relying on alcohol for liquid courage. I can "see" better and more intuitively what to say. Because of that I don't get so nervous, wondering whether I'm being judged. It took time and practice but honestly, many people are nervous.

If you are here seeking answers then you have already know and are looking for comfort. We all liked having a couple of drinks. I certainly did. But once I started, there was no stopping and I did some not very smart things as a result. Only in our minds is alcohol a necessity of life. We need only food and water. Shelter. Booze is not in that equation. I'm happy I let that go. You can too.

SunriseSky

You are clearly an intelligent, insightful young woman. Something is telling you that your life might be better without alcohol. Why not give it up for a month or two and see what happens? We are all here to support you in that journey!

Gatorbait

Pretty much understand exactly where you're at. My biggest fear is that the person i am when i'm overly drunk is better than who i am sober. That im too awkward when sober that i need alcohol to have fun. Slowly im starting to realize these things are what i put on myself and no one else is really seeing me this way. I need to start being okay with myself in order to get past these insecurities. I think we put to much pressure and expectations on ourselves and need to learn to just be happy with the way we are and not try to let alcohol change that.