Ready to try again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 104
Ready to try again...
So after my last epic fail in April I swore I would not be back here ever again because I thought it would be just too embarrassing. Well the weekend is coming to a close and once again I have managed to make a colossal mess of things. Falling down drunk Friday night, skinned knees and elbows ugh, I am a hot mess. I'm not sure the boyfriend is going to stick around this time and I know I have to face so many things I just don't want to look at.
Still I know somehow that coming back here even ashamed is what I really need to do. I am never going to stop drinking unless I can admit that I need help and that what I am doing isn't working.
The thing is I have had this conversation with myself so many times that I don't know how to make this time different. I really do want a sober life but I admit I don't know how to achieve it.
I am hoping this time that some of you out there may want to take a special interest and offer a special helping hand. Maybe , someone who can be both sponsor of sorts and friend. Is that allowed here lol?
I am willing to listen and work hard for this, I just feel like I can't do it alone.
Thanks for listening!
WV
Still I know somehow that coming back here even ashamed is what I really need to do. I am never going to stop drinking unless I can admit that I need help and that what I am doing isn't working.
The thing is I have had this conversation with myself so many times that I don't know how to make this time different. I really do want a sober life but I admit I don't know how to achieve it.
I am hoping this time that some of you out there may want to take a special interest and offer a special helping hand. Maybe , someone who can be both sponsor of sorts and friend. Is that allowed here lol?
I am willing to listen and work hard for this, I just feel like I can't do it alone.
Thanks for listening!
WV
Pressure makes diamonds
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 521
Hi WV,
I'm glad you decided to come back. You are in good hands here with a lot of support from people who are going through/ have been through where you are at right now.
Until we are really ready for change and commit to it, life seems like a merry go round of the same frustrating circumstances. If you apply the same actions, you will get the same result.
I'm on day 15 of many attempts at this, but this time I have a plan in place and it's made all of the difference and know that I will succeed - because I'm going to fight hard for it.
I'm not a religious person, but decided to try my faith. I sat down on a park bench and asked God to please give me the strength to be strong and battle through cravings and self doubt- 2 of the biggest common denominators that kept me down. Now every morning I wake up with a clear head, am grateful for an opportunity for a clean slate and look forward to my future. 2 weeks ago my mind was in another place. I know now that this is possible.
Everyone has different routes of getting there, and by reading and posting here frequently, you will get a lot of support and learn what has worked for others.
I wish well in your journey; it starts with the first step.
Welcome to SR
I'm glad you decided to come back. You are in good hands here with a lot of support from people who are going through/ have been through where you are at right now.
Until we are really ready for change and commit to it, life seems like a merry go round of the same frustrating circumstances. If you apply the same actions, you will get the same result.
I'm on day 15 of many attempts at this, but this time I have a plan in place and it's made all of the difference and know that I will succeed - because I'm going to fight hard for it.
I'm not a religious person, but decided to try my faith. I sat down on a park bench and asked God to please give me the strength to be strong and battle through cravings and self doubt- 2 of the biggest common denominators that kept me down. Now every morning I wake up with a clear head, am grateful for an opportunity for a clean slate and look forward to my future. 2 weeks ago my mind was in another place. I know now that this is possible.
Everyone has different routes of getting there, and by reading and posting here frequently, you will get a lot of support and learn what has worked for others.
I wish well in your journey; it starts with the first step.
Welcome to SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 104
Hi Allie & Oioi,
Just asking what you can do to help means everything to me. I think I need to stay close here, get really real with myself about what I truly want from life and accept that as an individual I suck at social drinking, just can't do it. I don't have an off switch...
Oioi, no I haven't but I did stop smoking last September with the help of Allen Carr's book. Smoked for over 25 years and that with help of a forum have remained smoke free and I know I won't go back.
Sometimes I feel like I get the rationality of not drinking but then the evening comes and I am alone now so I give in to the desire to feel numb. It is not the stopping that gives me trouble it is making it a permanent lifestyle that I simply have not been able to achieve.
I know that because of my battle to quit smoking that the desperation to have a substance does go away with time or should I say lessen with time..... I just need to find that strength inside again to make this a permanent life change.
Thank you both for writing...
Just asking what you can do to help means everything to me. I think I need to stay close here, get really real with myself about what I truly want from life and accept that as an individual I suck at social drinking, just can't do it. I don't have an off switch...
Oioi, no I haven't but I did stop smoking last September with the help of Allen Carr's book. Smoked for over 25 years and that with help of a forum have remained smoke free and I know I won't go back.
Sometimes I feel like I get the rationality of not drinking but then the evening comes and I am alone now so I give in to the desire to feel numb. It is not the stopping that gives me trouble it is making it a permanent lifestyle that I simply have not been able to achieve.
I know that because of my battle to quit smoking that the desperation to have a substance does go away with time or should I say lessen with time..... I just need to find that strength inside again to make this a permanent life change.
Thank you both for writing...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
There is a thread on here with excerpts from the book Under the Influence. Check that out. It helped me understand the physiological reasons for my binge drinking. Reading that was a turning point for me.
Is your boyfriend supportive in your decision to stop drinking?
Is your boyfriend supportive in your decision to stop drinking?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
Also, it is still May so you can join the Class of May 2015 thread. We are a great group. Tomorrow you can join the June class if that would make more sense to you. The monthly groups are a great place for daily (or even hourly) support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 104
Hi can you point me in the direction of where I can find those excerpts, I would be interested in reading. Also how do I join the June group?
I think I am going to need a much more hands on approach here. Lots of posting and reading to keep my resolve and desire in the forefront.
Ahh the boyfriend, well we are going to have a discussion this coming Friday about my drinking. we have been together 3 months and I am hoping he will give me one more chance. what he said on the matter this morning was "you need to really slow your drinking" and I told him it wont happen again but I would not be surprised that he doesn't believe me. I have done this wayyyy to many Friday nights. I told him my behavior is unacceptable, embarrassing and I will change. I think he would be willing to stand by me if I can demonstrate that I am commited to this.
Side note, he is currently taking a medication which precludes drinking alcohol so our entire three months has been him completely fine and sober and me getting worse.
I think I am going to need a much more hands on approach here. Lots of posting and reading to keep my resolve and desire in the forefront.
Ahh the boyfriend, well we are going to have a discussion this coming Friday about my drinking. we have been together 3 months and I am hoping he will give me one more chance. what he said on the matter this morning was "you need to really slow your drinking" and I told him it wont happen again but I would not be surprised that he doesn't believe me. I have done this wayyyy to many Friday nights. I told him my behavior is unacceptable, embarrassing and I will change. I think he would be willing to stand by me if I can demonstrate that I am commited to this.
Side note, he is currently taking a medication which precludes drinking alcohol so our entire three months has been him completely fine and sober and me getting worse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
Sounds familiar except I have been with my husband 5 years now. And the same thing was going for that entire time.
Here is the link to the excerpts.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I learned that once I start drinking, I cannot control myself anymore so not taking the first drink is the only control I have.
I think it is good that your boyfriend isn't currently drinking. I have tried to do this while my husband was and it didn't work well at all. He has some issues with drinking too so he is very supportive and not drinking for the most part. He goes out once a week and that is fine with me. He does a lot better at drinking small quantities and keeping his sanity than I do.
My best advice is that if you can't control "social drinking" now then you more than likely will never be able to. It is possible that you can for a brief period of time but in my experience I always go back to the dark side eventually (which for me means drinking away entire weekends, fighting with my husband, not being an appropriate parent, etc.). Luckily my husband has stuck around (probably because he feels partly responsible for being an enabler) but I know that he won't put up with my crazy behavior forever. That is why I made the change and I am sticking with it. I would never be able to live with myself if I lost him and alcohol was to blame.
One other thing that helped me was to write down a list of the reasons I cannot drink. It was sort of an intervention letter to myself. I gave it to mu husband to read and then told him to keep it and give it back to me if I ever ended up in that situation again.
Here is the link to the excerpts.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I learned that once I start drinking, I cannot control myself anymore so not taking the first drink is the only control I have.
I think it is good that your boyfriend isn't currently drinking. I have tried to do this while my husband was and it didn't work well at all. He has some issues with drinking too so he is very supportive and not drinking for the most part. He goes out once a week and that is fine with me. He does a lot better at drinking small quantities and keeping his sanity than I do.
My best advice is that if you can't control "social drinking" now then you more than likely will never be able to. It is possible that you can for a brief period of time but in my experience I always go back to the dark side eventually (which for me means drinking away entire weekends, fighting with my husband, not being an appropriate parent, etc.). Luckily my husband has stuck around (probably because he feels partly responsible for being an enabler) but I know that he won't put up with my crazy behavior forever. That is why I made the change and I am sticking with it. I would never be able to live with myself if I lost him and alcohol was to blame.
One other thing that helped me was to write down a list of the reasons I cannot drink. It was sort of an intervention letter to myself. I gave it to mu husband to read and then told him to keep it and give it back to me if I ever ended up in that situation again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
WildernessVoice, welcome back.
Here is the link to the May 2015 Class thread...you're welcome there:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
The June one won't start until late tonight or early tomorrow morning, and it will be in Newcomers
Here's a link to that subforum, tomorrow you can scroll down and find it:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/
Here is the link to the May 2015 Class thread...you're welcome there:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
The June one won't start until late tonight or early tomorrow morning, and it will be in Newcomers
Here's a link to that subforum, tomorrow you can scroll down and find it:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/
I had more failures than I'd like to admit, but I didn't give up and finally got sober for good over five years ago. If I can do it, so can you! Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 104
Thanks to all of you!! I will join that June group as soon as the thread opens. I am concerned about tonight and staying away from drinking but cautiously optimistic as well.... it may well be a long night here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 104
One hour at a time my friend is all I can manage at the moment. I am going to cook a meal though so that I am keeping busy and at least eating. If you're like me, any calories tend to come from alcohol and very little food.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 63
Hi wilderness, yep you describe me entirely! I have slipped up myself and think I'd like to join the June group. All this week I was so good not caving into the AV but it got the better of me last night. Having relationship issues at the mo but I can't seem to ride it out without hitting the self destruct button! How is this ever going to change???
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