Liveitwell

Have been praying and meditating a lot on the numerous conversations I've had with my pastor over the last few years. They, more than anything, have made me grow and walk on the right path. Started a few years ago when I tearfully entered his office and said "I need help. I'm going crazy, I'm not happy, I'm depressed, angry, snapping at my daughter and my husband is an alcoholic and can be horrible and scary when drunk-and he won't stop drinking". Needless to say ther have been plenty of trips back to him and each time I left understanding a little more about faith and what being a born again Christian is all about.

He described that some of the most influential Christians in the world are those that were not raised with a strong faith and completely ruined their lives by doing things their way and doing what they selfishly wanted instead of listening to Gods word. Phil Robertson anyone? Thàt man, that man-he's not a hypocrit-he needed Jesus to get his head out if tge sand and stop sinning. I relate a lot to that as a born again Christian thst was saved over two and a half years ago. I completely messed up my life - my life was governed by fear. Fear of what others thought of me, fear that if people really knew me they wouldn't like me, fear of not pleasing others. Notice that God is nowhere in there. It was all about me, me, me. That fear came from my childhood. As a child if an alcohikic, I think we all know how that just messes you up for life unless you actively work to identify the dysfunction and correct it. My sins were numerous-anger, addiction, abortions, resentment, denial, hate and fear. I was afraid to tell the truth and stand up for myself as that wast allowed in my house growing up-usually my dad would get violent with me if I did tell the truth and then my mom would get mad at me for making my sad mad. Geez-crazy much?!? It took me marrying soneone that brought out the best abd worst in me for me to finally see exactly what I needed to work on. Therapy helped me identify my dysfunctional behaviors abd rewire my thoughts to change my actions. Understanding and learning about alcoholisn helped me let go of my hate abd anger towards my then husbabd abd in it's place grew compassion. Instead of complaining all the time, I turned to prayer. I wasn't perfect at it and slipped a lot, but I always hopped back on the wagon.

God took my sins, bound them up and very loudly yelled in my heart that I was forgiven and the shame and guilt I carried was no longer mine-and so I laid it down. The freedom in that is nothing short of a miracle. Literally. I wasn't fixed over night but I knew I was on the right path. My pastor helped guide me on that path of restoration and Aldo helped me gain strength to do what I knew I needed to do but tge one thing I didn't ever wabt to do-I had to leave my husband as his alcoholism was severely damaging me and our kids and no amount of orayer could save us from that. I wasn't scarce anymore to speak up for the truth, what's right and man oh man-people don't like that!! These days I'm more concerned about who I am in Christ rather than what otgers think of me. I'm good with Jesus-he's my main man-he knows my heart.

I hardly recognize the child I was-and I sat child because I was an adult still operating out if my childhood fears and roles. I finally had grown up. When I did, I shed a lot-lots of people, lots of lies but most of all I gained the truth.

My pastor and I worked on a lot and as he stated (abd I very well knôw), my husband was operating still as a child in his role...still looking for big sisters approval and expecting her to take care if him abd save him-same goes for his mom. It clicked when even our marriage therapist told him the same thing-you're not a child anymore-those roles suited you when yiu wee living in the hellish environment as a child but you're a grown up now abd living in those roles is dysfunctional. His mom and sister seem all too happy to continue in their dysfunctional roles of saving and protecting him (enabling) instead of loving him as Christ commands which means letting him be held accountable for his actions. I pray for them as well. Who knows if he even remembers her saying that. I do. It makes a lot of sense .

Anyway, someone posted about hope the other day and the only thing I can say is yes, always hope. Trust in God. Not another person as people are not Gods and will mess up. I hope each day that I am living this new life God granted me rooted in truth, faith and love. My pastor reassures me when I stumble that I am indeed a renewed woman leading her family out of the family sins of our past. I take pride in that and truth be told, it is tge single most important thing I've done in my life. I've given my kids what nobody else in either of our fanilies ever had in generations-freedom from alcoholism. That is a legacy I'll fight for with my life for our girls.

Gods given me a courage I did not know I had, humbles me daily so I don't repeat the sins of the past and just holds me close to give me grace, no matter what the storm is-or what my ex throws at ne. Truthfully, nothing he says or does, none of his lies and abuse, none of his false witness he bears is worth anything compared to Gods truth.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite parables from the Bible. The Prodigal Son. Having been where I've been, and finding my way back, it's nothing short of a miracle for sure. We are all prodigals until we get out of our own way-abd take a leap of faith that God will catch us as we start owning our own sins. True freedom!

Anyway, was deep in prayer today and thought id share. I pray everyday my ex finds the courage to tell his truth, no matter who it hurts, and gain true freedom in Christ. I pray each of us here, that love an alcoholic, gain our own freedom from their disease abd dysfunction and our own. Proud to know all of you struggling, pursuing the truth about yourself-the only way to get better and be free of ourselves!

Peace and God bless.

iGirl66

Thank you so much for this! Truly He has not given us a spirit of fear , but of peace, power and a sound mind.! I was in the midst of writing a thread on the church messages that are taken out of context and bind up people in relationships that they had no business being in in the first place. You are blessed to have a pastor that is wise enough to advise in this area. My priest (I'm a born again christian/catholic) is a recovered alcoholic and has been such a blessing to me. There is a woman named Stephanie Tucker who does a series on Christian Co dependence. Honestly she is the first person who ever spoke on the subject in a way that made sense to me.

I do SMART recovery program and go to meetings once a week. I was never one for traditional 12 steps because of the ambiguity of "God of your understanding" I know too many sick people who's "God" just signs off on whatever they want to do. That and it never made sense to me to do a moral inventory with a subjective moral base. As the song says "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand"
I'm by no means perfect. Anybody can look back at my posts and see that. But I am working this salvation out with fear and trembling every day and everyday I get better. I started with some Joel Osteen this morning and decided to walk in victory. I'm not powerless, I'm not in never ending life long "recovery" and I'm not my own higher power. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!

chicory

Thank you both for sharing these words. Very encouraging to me, an adult child of alcoholics. It's a daily struggle, but with the right guidance, there is peace.