lovenut

I was introduced to AA in 1988 and attended a handful of meetings to please the people who were worried about me. I returned in the mid 1990s and was alcohol free for three or so years. During neither of these dry periods was I doing 'the program'. Come 2002, I became abstinent once again and I have maintained that abstinence to this day.

What I have come here to say is, I am finished with AA. I have done 'the program' as described in the literature. I have sponsored and been sponsored, had service positions, etc.

AA is a fear based 'program'. If members don't do 'the program' the correct way, the consensus seems to be that they are going to drink and 'to drink is to die.'

I am a middle-aged man. Most of the meetings that I attend (in non-English speaking countries) are attended by middle-aged men. In these meetings I just hear the same stories over and over again. It might not be by the same person, but you get the picture. The message tends to be filled with false humility, self hatred, and at times, arrogance.

Why do people continue going to meetings despite multiple years as a former alcohol abuser? In my opinion, the answer is fear and superstition. I don't know about you, but fear doesn't motivate me.

My message is this. If you, me, or anyone else hasn't had a drink in multiple years, we are recovered. We have put in the appropriate amount of work: service positions, attendance at meetings, reaching out to others, etc. Therefore, if someone doesn't have the desire to drink anymore, what is their motivation to continue to go to meetings?

Some will say to repay their debt to AA. And I would agree. But, how long do people have to continue giving back? One year, two years, ten years, thirty years?

I am burned out of AA and would just like to say that I hope that everyone who is suffering from the effects of alcohol abuse and wants to recover can get sober. I was a chronic alcohol abuser and am very grateful for my abstinence.

Now, it is time to move on with my life and give back to the community at large.

Anna

I don't use AA as a recovery tool, but I imagine people continue to go to meetings for various reasons. If you feel it's not helpful to you, then move on.

Soberpotamus

From what I understand (and from what I've read and experienced), it seems that one way AA works is via habit change. Specifically, it substitutes the AA program for the drinking behavior. If you have a habit loop (Cue - Routine - Reward) where the Cue might be a trigger or stressor, the routine is drinking, and the reward is the buzz. AA substitutes its program as the Routine. So then, you still encounter the original Cue, subs the AA fellowship and/or program, and you have your reward as the lessening (or fulfillment) of the Cues via the program (sidestepping the buzz).

Unfortunately, when that "program" messes up or doesn't "work" the individual is at fault for not "working the program. " I think that if there are individuals within AA who mature over time, they can differentiate themselves from the actual program. Others seem to self-implode with guilt, self-hate, self-blame.

Freshstart mentioned the locus of control and how some are more internal, others more external. When you have an external type within the program, and there are relapses, then you can see clearly that the outcomes can be quite negative for that individual.

AA works for some, and not for others.

Good for you for knowing what you need, and for identifying how your needs have changed over time.

ElleDee

I've noticed that for some people, AA becomes their life. My sponsor eats, breaths, sleeps AA. When she turns on her computer, her homepage goes to an AA site and she's got the AA triangle logo on her car, wears AA jewelry, etc. etc. All of her friends are in AA and she's been sober for 30 years. I see quite a few people like that at my meetings. Everyone hangs out with everyone else and the meetings are a lot about socializing.

IOAA2

Hi.

Interesting viewpoint although I don’t agree with it. I continue to go after a lot of sober years because of what you call fear based tactics. At times I need a memory refresh that alcohol is powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious along with being progressive. I’ve seen too many cases where people with 10-30 years sober “forget” what they are and stop going to meetings and often find themselves in the hole of misery trying to stop again which is so much more difficult the second time around. Most don’t make it.

I guess like other diseases I need the medicine of meetings to get a daily reprieve of sobriety and I haven’t had a desire to drink in over 35 years BFTGOG.

I go by the slogan of “if it works DON’T FIX IT!”
JMO

BE WELL

tomsteve

I wish you the best in your journey.
As for me I will continue,even after ten years, to go to meetings, carry the message to the still sick a d suffering alcoholic, practice the principles in all my affairs, and live happy, joyous, and free. The me part of the we you talk about hasn't put in the proper amount of work yet.
I'm sorry on your misconception that AA is fear based, but still wish ya the best on your journey.
How long will I keep giving back? god willing for the rest of my life. And it's not just to alcoholics. It's a duty, and honor, and a privilege to bet out of myself and do Gods will and not be selfish a d self centered.
I have recovered from the seeming less hopeless state of body and mind that. Are me drink.

"Now, it is time to move on with my life and give back to the community at large."
I think you may have missed where the program says we should be doing that as is.
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.

lovenut

Hello and thanks for your reply.

I needn't repeat what I said in the original post but I will say this. I do understand what giving to the community at large means. I have given thousands of hours to fellow attendees of AA as a secretary, treasurer, sponsor and at the same time been of help to the community at large. I'm going to let go of one of those two.

One adage I embrace in AA is Live and Let Live. What works for you works for you. What works for me works for me. I respect people's choices in life.

sg1970

To me the quote above contradicts your original post which comes off as argumentive.

CeeFarro

What she said..

CaseyW

Congratulations on 13 years of sobriety and welcome to SR. Hope you decide to stick around and give some of us newly sober folks any wisdom and advice you've acquired over those 13 years. If you don't think others should have to sober up through fear, help us with some positivity! 13 years is truly inspiring to someone like me who is on day 22.

tomsteve

Stay or go. Do what ya want. I have absolutley no problem with it. Just seems quite egocentric and possibly prideful to come to an online community and declare your are leaving AA and why. I know many many poeple who have walked away from AA and are sober and happy today. Im very glad and blessed to still be in touch with them.Not one of them went to a meeting or an online forum to declare they were leaving.

SDH73

What CaseyW said.

anattaboy

Sounds like growth to me. Keep up the good work.

sillysuzanfree

Some people continue to go for the fellowship. Some have friends there they can talk to and share with, they don't feel they can with others who are not in recovery...

However, I can understand burnout...I don't feel I have clicked with AA at all yet. I go to meetings here and there and work the steps through my Life Recovery Bible. Still, I am going to continue giving it a try.

EndGameNYC

You sound angry.

We often find what we're looking for.

No program of recovery can make us do anything we don't want to do.

lovenut

Thanks Casey.

I found that counseling, regular exercise, eating well to be of extreme importance. I also found that people pleasing left me with extremely low self esteem. I practiced being true to myself. Drawing appropriate boundaries between myself and others has been very helpful. These are habits. I am mindful of using them every day.

Love yourself and be true to yourself. You are worth it.

lovenut

You make a valid point. What I might add is that for most members, especially new ones, AA entails a lot of time and dedication. Understanding the potential pros and cons before attending one's first meetings is useful.

miamifella

In most meetings half the people there have less than a year. Maybe a quarter have one to three years. Maybe 5 or 10 perscent have five or more years.

There is a natural progression. People eventually leave because their life changes.

CaseyW

All great advice. I keep a document on my computer desktop where I cut and paste good recovery advice from here. Added this to it. Thank you so much and wishing you the best!

Ruby2

My drinking took up a lot of my time and dedication so regardless of what method I choose to use to remain sober, I'd better put as much, if not more, effort into.

If everyone with time under their belt walked away and said I'm cured, who would carry the message? Here or in AA or whatever? I'd be sunk if someone who had time walked away. Like the kid on the big wheel teaching the other kid how to ride a bicycle. It's not going to work so well if it's new people teaching new people. If you don't care for AA, you don't care for AA. That's up to you and your opinion as to its worth to you, alone