Hope
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Acceptance. Time, space, and giving yourself permission to see things as they really are and let go of how you wish they would be. Learning how to see yourself as someone who deserves better than what you've settled for.
Therapy helped me immensely. Being around positive people who liked me for who I was helped too. Doing things I enjoyed and taking care of myself.
Therapy helped me immensely. Being around positive people who liked me for who I was helped too. Doing things I enjoyed and taking care of myself.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 11
I'm new to this so forgive me if this is terrible advice. I, too, have been figuring out what place hope has in my recovery. What makes sense to me is that I don't have to give up hope, I just can't make decisions based on it. I can hope that AH works a program and our marriage can be saved, but I have to make choices based on what is actually happening right now.
Whether that is great advice or terrible advice, I'm not sure. But I do wish you all the best!
Whether that is great advice or terrible advice, I'm not sure. But I do wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
^^ I don't think that is bad advice at all!! I haven't given up hope for my Exah to get help-as my Pastor stated multiple times, divirce was the appropriate boundary at the time. Had nothing to do with any lack of love on my part or loss of hope-it was dealing with reality as it was in front of me. Reality was I needed to get myself abd my kids out of that sometimes awfully scary life. It is what it is.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
That's exactly right ^^. I knew I could get better-I could do the hard work on myself, being honest about who I was and what I needed to work on-which was a lot! And I finally got it that while I knew my ex loved me he would not stop drinking, no matter what, those were his words for many years. So I redirected to myself and my kids and how to get out-I could change that and give myself and our kids the peace and safety of not living with an alcoholic. That meant divorce for me. Hope is not a bad thing at all-but you gotta get real to and make plans based on reality and not the promises of an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
If the hope is still there, why don't you try accepting that that's the way you feel for now.
It doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold, nor that you stop living and attach yourself to unrealistic expectations.
Sometimes you can't force the hope away but you can accept it and at the same time know your reality and act accordingly.
It doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold, nor that you stop living and attach yourself to unrealistic expectations.
Sometimes you can't force the hope away but you can accept it and at the same time know your reality and act accordingly.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 43
I am still hoping that my xabf will make the decision to go to rehab and get sober. But frankly he is on such a downward spiral between his progressing alcoholism and his addiction to women that I fear my hope is just wasted effort.
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