jessie65

Let me start by saying that I am painfully, awkwardly shy, and I HATE it. Having a couple drinks made that all disappear, in fact I finally made a few friends after I started my drinking career.

Of course my drinking got out of control within months of starting and has caused problems in my life, health-wise and in other areas.

But the fact is, my most humiliating moments happen when I am sober, unfortunately. Confrontations (inevitable in my life, I can't explain because I worry about privacy on the boards) are disastrous usually. I'm very emotional and I HATE confrontation, I get too wound up, I sweat buckets and my face turns red, I can feel the heat engulf me. My hands shake and my thoughts go crazy and I forget what I want to say. It is AWFUL. Unless of course I have a couple of drinks in me, then I am fine with any social situation. Of course with me I can't stop at just 2 drinks, which is where the problems come in and the reason I need to quit.

Being sober terrifies me in a social environment, I seriously cannot get my head around the thought of getting sober mainly because of this fear.

I am now just able to Think about what happened over the weekend.
I tried SO hard to stay sober and I did for a time, just long enough to humiliate myself. I immediately afterwards said the heck with it and went and picked up some beer and now I am back to square one.

This isn't working for me. I feel like I need to just accept that my life WILL be harder if I get sober. I hate this. I hate being me.

Surrender2win

Don't give up Jessie. Have you thought of counseling for your social anxiety? My son (recovering alcoholic) suffered from this as well and turned to alcohol to ease the anxiety. He will be 30 this year and has been sober for 6 years. Counseling helped him a great deal. Hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.

doggonecarl

At first, yes it will. Isn't a difficult path to sobriety better than the one drinking is dragging you along?

There's healthier ways to deal with social anxiety than drinking. And there are more effective ways to achieve sobriety than the ones you have been applying.

Accept this isn't going to be easy and do it! Cause you can.

ScottFromWI

Have you ever spoken with a professional about your social anxiety? It's a very treatable condition that many overcome without alcohol. If anything, alcohol actually makes it worse over time.

Instead of accepting that your life will be harder sober, why not accept that you have issues that you need to overcome?

Thepatman

Sorry you are struggling. I had some social anxiety at some point in my life. But I discovered that my concern of what people thought of me was causing it. Now I don't care what people think of me. Perhaps this is something you can explore as well. People will always have some opinion of you, but at the end of the day, if you love yourself, know you are a good person, who cares what they think?

Just a thought, keep seeking answers and don't be shy to consult for help.

JaneLane

Oh gosh, I can really relate to the social anxiety.

One thing I will say is that it's awkward, then it gets 100% better! I have a therapist and I work the AA programme and when you have the tools to deal with a situation, you will feel so much better. And once you've done it initially, you will feel more confident the next time!

Don't punish yourself; these feelings are totally normal. If sobriety and your support in recovery doesn't help with the issue, then reach out further. It's all good :-)

jessie65

I was put on something for social anxiety many years back that I don't think helped, but I never stopped drinking for too long.

I feel like my social anxiety has gotten worse over the years so I guess it's true about alcohol not helping in the long run. It's pretty bad right now, I actually can go into a full blown anxiety attack just anticipating public embarrassment that doesn't even happen. For years now I've drank (just a couple) to deal with the fear of talking to people, dealing with people.. but it escalated pretty fast to where I'd continue drinking when I was safely back home.

least

I saw a counselor for quite a few years and it helped me a lot, and not just for my sobriety. I recommend it if you can do it.

Drinking makes anxiety worse.

jessie65

Janelane thank-you for sharing, it helps to know I'm not alone.

thepatman, I guess I care a little about what people think about me but my main concern is my family. I need to handle these situations better and I feel awful when I don't. Most times when I've (secretly) had a couple drinks I get along better with others and people don't annoy me so much, and I'm not so damn anxious! I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin some days!! Ugh

Dee74

Hi Jessie

Early recovery is rough - but it's not as good as it gets - it gets way better

So does social anxiety - I'm shy too and I'm often uneasy in crowds or with new people.

I've embraced that as who I am now, but I spent years trying to medicate my social awkwardness with alcohol.

Unfortunate the way I drank - falling down, sick, loud, obnoxious and boorish - made things worse not, better.

I can still remember those dreadful mornings when I could not remember the night before but I knew it was bad.

Have you ever thought of counselling.

jessie65

Thanks Dee, yes those dreadful mornings are the worst. I rarely have them anymore because I've been determined to do any binge drinking only in my own home. Still not good though, I know.

I've had counseling a few separate times in the past 10 years, and always stopped going because it didn't help. Maybe I'm just not finding the right therapist, I don't know. My last appt with a Dr. about my depression ended badly and I left feeling cheated, now I'm afraid to make another appt.

I guess 'm feeling sorry for myself but it seems there's no help for me. If I want a better life it is completely up to me, and it's so darn hard to change.

Dee74

There's always help...and hope. Don't give up Jessie

D

least

It is hard to change, but not impossible. I did it. I changed my whole life when I got sober. It was hard at first but it got better. Don't give up too soon.

CaseyW

Glad you made it back in here, jessie65. I'll ditto what everyone has said about possibly seeing a therapist.

I also thought the drinking made me stronger in social situations. I was wrong and have a mile-long list of horror stories to back it up.

Wishing you the best in sobriety and hope you check in often!

2muchpain

Might want to get your meds re-evaluated, but along with that, maybe consider CBT or DBT. Both can work wonders for anxiety problems. Sometimes, medication alone isn't enough. John

EndGameNYC

An important element when dealing with confrontation -- physical, verbal, emotional -- (which sometimes escalates into abuse) is to slow yourself down. All is lost once we allow ourselves to lose control. What we're saying, what we're advocating or defending...they are all overshadowed when we allow our emotions to make a spectacle of ourselves. It's a discipline that can be learned, and it does take some practice and familiarity with one's own capacity for self-control.

Of course many of us either "unlearned" self-control as a consequence of our drinking, or we never learned it in the first place. I hope I'm not scaring you or anyone else away, but my experience has been that the ability to consistently navigate through confrontations and other unwanted social, family or professional interactions without losing ourselves requires major lifestyle changes, including taking an honest look at who we are and what we want to become and can become if we were to commit ourselves to a better life. Another thing that helps is to lose the expectation that we're always going to "get it right." When we're in the wrong in such cases -- and I learned this the hard way -- it's always best to acknowledge this as soon as possible, and then move on with your life with a lesson learned.

The problem with avoiding or removing ourselves from social situations or interactions with others in anticipation of a humiliating confrontation is that any skills we may have developed to work through interpersonal encounters, no matter how meager, only deteriorate and make placing ourselves in social situations a bigger, and more dangerous monster than we already imagine or anticipate them to be. Certainly, adding booze to the situation only strengthens our dependence on alcohol. And psychological dependence means just that: believing that we need to drink in order to just feel okay.

If you're looking for a therapist, cognitive-behavioral therapy has demonstrated success for this issue, as well as with social anxiety. I imagine that some of the practitioners of yoga and meditation here on SR might also have experience with this. Many physical activities that require discipline and that are practiced on a regular basis may also be helpful.

Latte

I treated my mental health issues by self medicating with alcohol, Benzo's and painkillers.

I agree with others in regards to therapy. Today I definitely understand more about myself and what my triggers are.