Sparksz

Hi all,

I've just signed up. I only just found the site and started reading through some of the stories, I had to run to the bathroom to break down crying... I haven't cried in years. So many of the stories sound so much like me. It was so amazing just to see that it's not just me. But I don't think I'll read anymore until I get home...

Anyway I've been a heavy drinker since I was about 17, I'm 30 now. And the more I've looked back the more I realise how much it has ruined my life. I'm a uni drop out, I've lost girlfriends, I've never really got anywhere in my work life and I have only debt to my name. They are all directly down do drinking.

Last Saturday my girlfriend of 4 years left me. I was hammered at the time so shrugged if off and got another beer. I was on a stag do so only really sobered up on Monday. I am devastated.

I've thought about how I treated her and I am so ashamed it makes me feel sick, all she wanted was my attention and all I wanted to do was get to the nearest bar. She wants nothing to do with me anymore. It's made me realise that this is more than just a case of 'I drink a little too much'.

I want to be able to go and have a few beers with my friends and go home, but I don't think that's an option anymore... will it ever be? I haven't had a drink in about 48 hours, I can't eat and my hands are shaking.

48 hours isn't long but I suppose everything has to start somewhere.

Dee74

Hi and welcome sparksz

SR really helped me turn my life around. For years I couldn't look at my face in the mirror.

Now my life is great - I'm not enchained by my addiction I love my life and I love who I am and I am free to reach my full potential

I hope you decide to go all too

D

goose333

Welcome Sparksz. You've taken the first step in realizing what you have been doing just doesn't work. This is the most difficult time but please try and stick with it. You won't believe how good you feel physically in a few days & weeks. The good news for you is, you're only 30 and you have already realized that alcohol is consuming you. You can fix that and then have the majority of your life ahead of you. It took me a lot longer to figure it out. Hang in there. It gets better fast.

Nonsensical

Welcome to Sober Recovery, Sparkz!

I tried every which way I could to retain some connection with alcohol and not have it be a destructive force in my life. None of them worked. During the years I struggled to drink reasonably I never believed I could be happy and totally abstinent.

I could not have been more wrong.

Welcome to the fight of your life.

You can do this!

ZaBoozer

Hi there and welcome Sparksz,

You have come to the right place. There is a lot of great info and help here.

Cheers,

ZAB

Yazzylove

Welcome! As they say if you think you have a problem with alcohol more than likely you do have a problem!
You are exactly where you need to be! You will get the support here as we are all going through the exact same thing as you are!
Quitting isn't easy but there are some rewards for sticking with it!

Sparksz

Thank you all. I've been trying to find some support... I looked at a few phone lines but I think I feel more comfortable writing. And I can come back and read your messages when I need them (probably at 5pm today for a start; I've always gone drinking straight after work).

Nonsensical - that was sort of a conversation I was going to get into a bit more a little later than 48 hours in. But the more I read the more I realise the days of me stumbling down the road and turning up to work stinking of booze will only disappear if the days of having a couple of beers watching the footy go along with them. It's a shame.

IOAA2

Hi.

"I want to be able to go and have a few beers with my friends and go home, but I don't think that's an option anymore... will it ever be? "


If you’re an alcoholic the answer is we cannot return to ANY drinking in safety. When I first came around I was devastated by that statement as alcohol was my close friend which I thought got me over the rough periods in life, I now call it escape from reality.

Alcoholism is progressive and only gets worse if we drink it and moderation just doesn’t work for 99% of us.
Being honest with myself about my drinking AND accepting the fact I cannot drink in safety was the beginning of my sobriety and a necessary step.

BE WELL

Sparksz

I know you're right. I also know I've listed some of the things it has ruined in my life... I could write a hundred more... but yet the idea of never having a cold beer does my head in. I keep thinking, what if I have a couple tonight? I'm only 48 hours in, I could be back to that again by Friday. I'll only have a couple anyway.

... I'm not saying I will do these things. I'd hate myself if I did. I just can't get over how illogical my thinking is at the moment.

IOAA2

As much as I tried a few was never enough. It led to shame and more drinking. I had to bite the bullet and hang in there drinking no alcohol.

BE WELL

least

Welcome to the family. I could never have "a couple". It always ended up having too many and getting drunk. It's easier and better for me to just not drink at all. And I don't miss it one bit.

ZaBoozer

Hi Sparksz,

Try not to think about never. Only think about today or now. Today I will not have a beer. Baby steps.

Debbie329

Congratulations on 48 hours! Your drinking story sounds like my drinking story...except mine continued for another 20 years..... The forum has been instrumental in keeping me sober. I come here often, sometimes I just read.....it helps to reinforce my mission.

Sparksz

Thanks ZaB. That has got to be the best advice for me. The though of the next week/month/year is terrifying! So today I'll just deal with today.

Thank you Debbie... the first 48 of many I hope. I've not been here long and already I can see the value of just reading around the threads. I already sort of don't want to let the people down that have commented on here lol! I know that probably makes no sense, but not a lot is at the moment.

mecanix

I found through tough experience that a couple tonight never was a couple tonight because even if i "got away with it" for one night the door would be open and eventually i'd be back drinking till blackout at sometime .

I always romanticised "a couple" in all honesty a couple was always a frustration because i couldn't let rip .

It always lead back to the same old , same old , doing the same old thing .. maybe this time it'd be different despite the 100's of times it wasn't , maybe just one last dance , maybe , procrastinate , put off , blah blah blah …

I wasted 10 years doing that of life passing me by sick and getting sicker achieving not very much .

Take care , m

Nonsensical

Only if it's a shame that you wasted $1 at the gas station buying a winning lottery ticket. There's no way I'm taking my winning ticket back for a $1 refund.

I did not know I was a slave until I was free. Once you are free you will know what I mean.

sva777

I struggled with the idea of letting alcohol go completely, I wanted to quit binge drinking, but still wanted a few beers. This was not possible because I always wound up binge drinking again.

I had to come to a realization, keep drinking and let it ruin everything, job, finances, relationships, health.. ect. Or shut alcohol out completely and allow all of those things to flourish.

After a few months of being sober, I look back wishing I had done it sooner, I was basically hold up alone with booze letting it destroy my life around me. How I even could want to keep something that did that to my life around in any way was astounding. Some people can make it work, us alcoholics can not.

totfit

You are at a really great age to quit drinking and lead a full productive life. Drinking does not necessarily make life better, but it gives you the opportunity to make your life better. I think this is really a good way to look at things. Many folks quit drinking and see nothing "magically" getting better and figure they may as will drink. Well, nothing does magically get better. We have to find something in life that is fills us other than alcohol so once we quit drinking we need to get busy with life. Eating well, exercise, and participating in life are the keys for things getting better for me (and of course not drinking). If you are like me, the reality is that drinking offers nothing at all but misery. At your age, I could not have imagine I would have gotten where I am today. It took some work, but it was well worth it all and it would not have been possible had I continued drinking.

CaseyW

First off, welcome to SR, Sparksz! So glad you found us and hope you'll take advantage of the plethora of wisdom and support to be found here.

For me, I proved over and over again that the option to have a "few" beers and then go home was not available to me. My addiction's definition of "a few" was wide-ranging. Once I take that first drink, I never know if I'm going to have one more or five more or fifteen more. But good news is if I don't take that first drink no matter what then I never have to worry about that again.

And 48 hours is a huge deal for an alcoholic like me. All we have is today.

Hope you'll join us in the Class of May 2015 thread on this same forum. It's a great place to support and learn from others who are in early recovery.

Congratulations for making the choice to join a winning team today. Hope you'll post often!

FarToGo

A week from now you'll be able to make a different list - all the positive changes since getting sober - honestly there will be changes in just one week. Better skin, clear eyes, up for work and not "stinking of alcohol". Remembering conversations, some pride starts to return if only for your efforts to get dry........ you'll be able to write your own list, but trust me it will be a good one.
Good luck xx