Rainbug

My husband and I were driving and talking. Then he actually quoted the song your no fun since you quit drinking. He smiled and said you know I'm joking right? Well with the look of a mother scorned he knew he better back WAY off.! I know I haven't been as aroused as the usual drinking me but he better understand I am going through some stuff right now. We will get back to the every other day thing but it might be awhile. No I did not cut him off totally but it is a lot less. He says he is proud of me for what I am doing but the urge to be close right now is not there for me. I'm I being to selfish?
Will he know I love him but I need some time to heal ? And will I ever get that longing feeling for touch back again?
Sorry for so many question's but I'm a bit offset by all of these missing feelings. It is like my "needs " have been put on tranquilizers.

ZaBoozer

Hey RB,

I am a male and it took me a while for my libido to come back.

I think you may be taking what he said the wrong way, but it may be a good time to sit him down and explain to him what is happening to you emotionally and physically? That way there can be no misunderstanding?

Cheers

ZAB

Mountainmanbob

Real common issues for ones that sober up and their mates. Yes, for most things will keep improving with time. It's good not to press or stress ourselves regarding these matters for it seems that putting pressure on these thoughts only raises our expectations and if and when we fall a little short in this area, leaves us wondering -- will it ever be like it was ?

We will find new sober love ground between the loving partners.

MM

FreeOwl

Every other day??

I don't know how that could ever be sustainable.

Sobriety or not, physical intimacy takes its ups and downs in a long term relationship.

Regardless what your husband thinks or says or does - you're not a failure or a bad person or broken or anything 'bad' when you find your desire isn't at an all time high.

That is human.

Sobriety introduces a lot of turbulence and that can easily upset the delicate balance of emotion and physical factors that influence desire.

Don't let it get to you. Focus on you and know that you're doing just fine.

OnMyWay7

I'm glad you posted this - I don't feel like being physically close to anyone and I thought maybe that my feelings for people are changing - maybe it's just the sobriety

Nonsensical

Everything was fine.
Hubby tries to bring up a sensitive subject that is important to him. You're prickly and it's awkward, so he tries to fumble around with some humor. His timing and choice of topics probably couldn't be worse.
You shut that conversation down, effectively communicating that his feelings are not important to you.

Been there, done that! It only took me 3 sober days (after waking up on the floor next to the broken picture frames I had knocked off on my way down) to realize what a horrible person my wife was. Why was I stuck with such a LOSER!?!

When your mood is better, perhaps you could let him know that:
1) his feeling are important to you
2) people in early sobriety are big bags of stress and anxiety, so you want to put off important discussions like this for 90 days
3) You hate that song

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

TroyW

Sounds like this is maybe a problem you should nip in the bud now, before it grows any larger? Maybe time to sit your husband down, and have a frank & open discussion with him? Explain to him you love him, but sobriety is a difficult, changing, evolving process, then apologize to him if you by chance seem different and/or more distant than usual, and ask him to support you.

Alcoholics distancing themselves from their loved ones during early sobriety is a pretty common theme around SR (check the Friends and Family section to see what I mean), and it can hurt your loved ones more than you know. You may save him quite a bit of pain and anguish by having an open discussion with him about this.

Rainbug

Thank you Nonsensical and Troy W.
I have been wrapped up in what I am going through and just expected him to roll with it I guess.
I will talk with him and let him know that I just need time and WE can only get better now that I'm not a lush. It will just take a bit of time. And that I need him now more than ever.