Nowiamawas1026

Hey everyone! Happy Memorial Day to all that are aerving and have served.

So I've come across something not entirely new, but it's different since the Addicted ex boyfriend is out of the picture and has been for at least a month.

I was talking to a girl from work, and just opened up to her about the whole ex situation. She and asked what was up, and so I told her. Her first response was "you dated a drug addict?!?!?!" Which again, I didn't know when we first started out, I'm an RN, who can spot a drug addict mikes away in the ER, but in real life I guess I suck. When his addiction got out of control, which I think it was the entire time, but he got tired of hiding it, I suspected he was cheating, but never drug addiction.

So I'm left with the following emotions:
1. I feel embarressed that I fell for such a (please don't get mad) mess.
2. I deserve so much better and yay he's gone!
3. Sitting here now, many hours later, home from an awful weekend at work- missing him.

Until someone has been in the direct situation it's so hard to explain the manipulation that addicts have over out lives. I realize we also play a part too. But I'm realizing more and more the more time I'm away, that I'm really not the insane crazy one. He just made me that way, and I couldn't see which way was up. I totally neglected everything to do with me and focused on him. 100%.

Ok those are my revelations for today. Hopefully everyone has a good Memorial Day. Mine will be spent sleeping, since I worked 48 hours in 4 days, and every night was awful in the ER.

Thanks again for listening and sharing. I started missing him and came directly to this forum. You guys are awesome.

CarmenLove

Hi Nowia (hope you don't mind me shortening your name!!).

I think that most people have NO IDEA about just how 'normal' drug addicts look. And with all due respect, I think even RN's get fooled!

Sure you can probably notice these things when you are 'on' at work, it's your job to do so, however we don't reality expect it in our every day lives, from colleagues and people who present to us a 'normal'.

Plus addiction can sneak in and take hold when no-one is looking, so don't be too hard on yourself.

I am often still really surprised by societies short sightedness and generalised backward thinking (and even downright denial) when it comes to addiction. There is still a ton of stigma and stereotyping that goes on.

Most drug addicts don't look anything like what people stereotype a 'drug addict' to look like.

Do you know what I mean?

We've all experienced it here, however most people in the outside world who have never been touched by addiction really have no clue.

All this to say please don't feel ashamed.

You are a person, and even smart people get blind sided by addiction's lies, manipulation and cover ups.

No-one believes me that my XAH is using.

Whatever.

I know.

Sometimes even well meaning friends can make us feel worse.

Oh and also, I find the shame and unbelieving and those sort of feelings are always worse when I am tired!

Go get some sleep!

CarmenLove

Oh, and plus we don't really want to get into 'looking for' signs in our every day lives. I find I sometimes look at normal people, and if I notice they have small pupils or something I secretly wonder if they are an addict too!

I guess our thinking gets skewed being around addiction for so long.

I just desire a happy, normal feeling life!

zoso77

Well, there's another way you can look at it.

Addicts, for a short period of time, can be on their best behavior in the early part of a relationship. That's how they suck us in. And during that short period of time, they can go through the motions of emotional and physical intimacy. So we let down our guards, and we go with it. It's not until later, when we learn the truth, that we recognize we're in trouble.

It's happens. There's nothing to feel ashamed of because it happens to the best of us. All that matters in the end is what we've learned, and how we apply those lessons in our day to day lives.

JOIE12

my deceased ABF was a respectful business man from all outward appearances. Yes you could look at his blue eyes and see that he was 'on' but dressed in every way opposite of the stereotype.

No one would ever suspect he was an IV user. Funny thing is ... when we met he said he watched me so intently as he was mesmerized by my eyes. He said that my eyes were so wild that he thought I was a pill popper.
Farthest thing from the truth Saddened me greatly

So ... sure, I think you emotions are normal and we do all of the things that you speak of. Like ZOSO ... they put out their best and manipulate you.

He was clean when I met him. Began using when things were going well for him. Classic cycle.

ShootingStar1

Now, I think many of us feel this way. No need to be ashamed.

For me, feeling embarassed and wondering how I could have fallen into the trap and stayed there so long, was the beginning of some real insight. The more I looked, the more I understood about what makes a healthy or unhealthy relationship, and that was worth the price of admission to me.

And, while our minds may see and choose the best course, I think it takes our hearts a long time to catch up. We don't have to want to choose it again to miss it.

Take care,
ShootingStar1