5+ months and a close call.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
5+ months and a close call.
Hey good people of SR,
I haven't been on here much lately but thought I'd make it a point to spend more time here. The support is so great and the best I have ever found in regards to recovery.
So at 5 months I feel over the physical stuff mainly, and the challenge of PAWS has kind of gotten easier, with very minimal symptoms. I thought I was out of the water so to speak. Boy was I wrong.
Last night was the biggest craving I have had yet. Just to update, my soon to be ex wife is now in a relationship with a new guy, and when I have the kids she does not want to be bothered, doesn't answer texts, or phone calls. My biggest concern is how the kids feel over this. She has made it clear that she is not to be bothered when I have the kids although she doesn't mind contacting me for childcare help when she has the kids. I guess she is just in a rebound pink cloud, or maybe has found the one. Anyway, even though I thought I made peace with my marriage ending this new development has caused me to feel like I have a freaking ulcer!
Last night was the worst, just trying to let myself go through the grieving cycle and feel the feelings after my kids went to sleep, my AV kicked in and said "this pain will last forever", "it won't get better", "you know what would bring relief right now and make it easier to deal with?"... Trying to get me to drink. Well, I did not.
I know in my past history this would be about the time I went off the rails and got self destructive with some sort of mind altering substance. Well this time is different, it is no longer an option. Time to grow up, face the issues I've been stuffing, feel the good and the bad, and come out the other end a much stronger person. This is what a lot of family members as well as my ex wife probably expects me to do. They can think what they want. This time it is for myself most importantly, and my children to have the best version of myself I can give them, and that does not include drinking. Ever.
The group therapy I've started is amazing, I have really started looking forward to meeting every week and have opened up surprisingly. In regards to my visit with a psychiatrist, it was interesting, we kind of butted heads and I had to ask her if she was annoyed with me because she seemed very much so. I will give her a few more visits and ask for some psycho therapy, I don't want to get on all types of meds.
Now I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and make a few longer term goals. Like school for next fall, back to University. I want to focus on the sciences. I feel too old to be going back, along with other fears, but I know they are just that, fears.
Thanks for the continued support and I hope everybody is doing good!
Justin
I haven't been on here much lately but thought I'd make it a point to spend more time here. The support is so great and the best I have ever found in regards to recovery.
So at 5 months I feel over the physical stuff mainly, and the challenge of PAWS has kind of gotten easier, with very minimal symptoms. I thought I was out of the water so to speak. Boy was I wrong.
Last night was the biggest craving I have had yet. Just to update, my soon to be ex wife is now in a relationship with a new guy, and when I have the kids she does not want to be bothered, doesn't answer texts, or phone calls. My biggest concern is how the kids feel over this. She has made it clear that she is not to be bothered when I have the kids although she doesn't mind contacting me for childcare help when she has the kids. I guess she is just in a rebound pink cloud, or maybe has found the one. Anyway, even though I thought I made peace with my marriage ending this new development has caused me to feel like I have a freaking ulcer!
Last night was the worst, just trying to let myself go through the grieving cycle and feel the feelings after my kids went to sleep, my AV kicked in and said "this pain will last forever", "it won't get better", "you know what would bring relief right now and make it easier to deal with?"... Trying to get me to drink. Well, I did not.
I know in my past history this would be about the time I went off the rails and got self destructive with some sort of mind altering substance. Well this time is different, it is no longer an option. Time to grow up, face the issues I've been stuffing, feel the good and the bad, and come out the other end a much stronger person. This is what a lot of family members as well as my ex wife probably expects me to do. They can think what they want. This time it is for myself most importantly, and my children to have the best version of myself I can give them, and that does not include drinking. Ever.
The group therapy I've started is amazing, I have really started looking forward to meeting every week and have opened up surprisingly. In regards to my visit with a psychiatrist, it was interesting, we kind of butted heads and I had to ask her if she was annoyed with me because she seemed very much so. I will give her a few more visits and ask for some psycho therapy, I don't want to get on all types of meds.
Now I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and make a few longer term goals. Like school for next fall, back to University. I want to focus on the sciences. I feel too old to be going back, along with other fears, but I know they are just that, fears.
Thanks for the continued support and I hope everybody is doing good!
Justin
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Well done, Justin, for averting that danger 
Group therapy was amazing for me too. Really got so much out of the group mutual support and feedback. Actually think the group therapy early on was the thing most beneficial to my newfound sobriety. Kudos to you for getting into group.
As for shrinks... lol, I feel your pain. I have had more back luck with psychiatrists than any other type of health professional. I don't know what it is about them. Maybe it was my background in psychology? I can definitely understand the butting heads.
One of the best therapists I ever had was a Masters degree PhD candidate in a county health system. She was pretty darn good It can take a while to find the right match.
Major congrats to you for getting to five months
Group therapy was amazing for me too. Really got so much out of the group mutual support and feedback. Actually think the group therapy early on was the thing most beneficial to my newfound sobriety. Kudos to you for getting into group.
As for shrinks... lol, I feel your pain. I have had more back luck with psychiatrists than any other type of health professional. I don't know what it is about them. Maybe it was my background in psychology? I can definitely understand the butting heads.
One of the best therapists I ever had was a Masters degree PhD candidate in a county health system. She was pretty darn good
It can take a while to find the right match. Major congrats to you for getting to five months
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
I have to agree with everyone here. You are a success in how you've dealt with everything. You have the intelligence and the tools to make this work out for the best outcomes for you and your kids. Good luck!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
What an inspiring post that was, Justincredible. You definitely sound like you are on the right path. I hope you keep posting regularly. I need to read more posts like yours about taking action in sobriety. Thank you for sharing your sobriety with me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hey Justion
I'm sorry for the pain your ex wife is giving you but I'm glad you're thinking it though and not letting it take you down.
There's a happy future out there for you too man
Congrats on your sober time
D
I'm sorry for the pain your ex wife is giving you but I'm glad you're thinking it though and not letting it take you down.
There's a happy future out there for you too man
Congrats on your sober time
D
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
My gosh Justin, you are the most amazing man & father! Your posts always blow me away.
Keep doing what you're doing, "putting one foot in front of the other and make a few longer term goals." and you're going to find wonderful things ahead.
And in terms of being too old to go back to school -- I restarted at 40 and finished and started a career at 45. I told one of my advisors that I felt too old once. He said, when you graduate, if you only stay in the field until you can retire (in my work many people stay longer), how long will you have? 20 years. That's enough time to make a contribution to a lot of things.
Keep doing what you're doing, "putting one foot in front of the other and make a few longer term goals." and you're going to find wonderful things ahead.
And in terms of being too old to go back to school -- I restarted at 40 and finished and started a career at 45. I told one of my advisors that I felt too old once. He said, when you graduate, if you only stay in the field until you can retire (in my work many people stay longer), how long will you have? 20 years. That's enough time to make a contribution to a lot of things.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi Justin.
Good to hear from you, and congrats on the 5 months!
I think you are doing very well in your recovery, and you always seem so mindful of challenges before they could present a real problem -- definitely an asset here.
I'm glad to hear the group therapy thing is going so well. I think what is great in that situation is it's less hierarchical and there are a few opportunities to relate to people, not only the therapist. And probably more real world experience filled as well. As for the psychiatrists, I know many via work and have had personal relationships also with a few. I think most of them just don't have the training and interest in psychotherapy that a psychologist would have, unless they did have that extra training. I also find that many don't believe in the efficacy of talk therapy and claim it to be non-scientific. A close-minded (and non-scientific) view in my opinion, but it can influence what they are able and willing to do with patients. Of course it's also an individual thing and depends on the person. I think your approach to give a bit more chance to the psychiatrist you are seeing is good, and if it remains non-productive, leave it at that. Actually, disagreements, conflicts, and negative feelings in a therapy situation can be very useful material for work and healing, but they need to be able to deal with and guide you through that, and it requires both the relevant knowledge and experience on their part. I would say, if you decide to look for a new person, perhaps ask them a bit about their interests and approaches when you first contact them. Questions like, "how do you like to deal with conflicts with patients"? The way this question is answered and discussed can be quite informative imo.
On the kids and your ex, I would maybe give it some time... then at some point, when she seems receptive enough, ask her how she envisions dealing with potential problems around the kids when they are not with her.
Finally, yes you are definitely not too old to go back to school. If you can make living in parallel, why not? I think it's never too late to learn something or try something that interests us. If you can manage life and it only gives you the pleasure of learning, I think it's already worth it. At any age.
Keep up the good work
Good to hear from you, and congrats on the 5 months!
I think you are doing very well in your recovery, and you always seem so mindful of challenges before they could present a real problem -- definitely an asset here.
I'm glad to hear the group therapy thing is going so well. I think what is great in that situation is it's less hierarchical and there are a few opportunities to relate to people, not only the therapist. And probably more real world experience filled as well. As for the psychiatrists, I know many via work and have had personal relationships also with a few. I think most of them just don't have the training and interest in psychotherapy that a psychologist would have, unless they did have that extra training. I also find that many don't believe in the efficacy of talk therapy and claim it to be non-scientific. A close-minded (and non-scientific) view in my opinion, but it can influence what they are able and willing to do with patients. Of course it's also an individual thing and depends on the person. I think your approach to give a bit more chance to the psychiatrist you are seeing is good, and if it remains non-productive, leave it at that. Actually, disagreements, conflicts, and negative feelings in a therapy situation can be very useful material for work and healing, but they need to be able to deal with and guide you through that, and it requires both the relevant knowledge and experience on their part. I would say, if you decide to look for a new person, perhaps ask them a bit about their interests and approaches when you first contact them. Questions like, "how do you like to deal with conflicts with patients"? The way this question is answered and discussed can be quite informative imo.
On the kids and your ex, I would maybe give it some time... then at some point, when she seems receptive enough, ask her how she envisions dealing with potential problems around the kids when they are not with her.
Finally, yes you are definitely not too old to go back to school. If you can make living in parallel, why not? I think it's never too late to learn something or try something that interests us. If you can manage life and it only gives you the pleasure of learning, I think it's already worth it. At any age.
Keep up the good work
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
Thank you so much everybody for the encouragement. This place and the people here are absolutely priceless. Really gave me a boost.
I have always wanted study psychology and now I think it's time. As long as I stay sober my future stays bright, even though it's tough to see that light sometimes. You guys n gals have really helped thanks.
And yeah since 30 was the new 20 I will take 40 as the new 30!
I have always wanted study psychology and now I think it's time. As long as I stay sober my future stays bright, even though it's tough to see that light sometimes. You guys n gals have really helped thanks.
And yeah since 30 was the new 20 I will take 40 as the new 30!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
Hey justin.....I enjoyed reading your post and congratulations on your recovery time. I changed my career at 47..... And I'm glad I did .....my life is so much simpler and I feel more fulfilled. There is no way I could have stayed sober in my old job.....it was riddled w chronic stressors. Change can be good and I see your embracing that. I wish you much luck on your journey. Debbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
I have 2 important appointments today. First is my first follow up with my psychiatrist, I really like that question haennie! I will keep that in mind if I need to ask it. The second appt is with an academic advisor to see where I am with my credits and what I need to get back into the swing of education. This is such an exciting prospect for me.
This morning I woke up with a very negative "charged" feeling in my body, kind of dreading the day. I'm just kind of taking it hour by hour. I just hopes it gets easier with my ex. Soon. Even though I am the one who initiated our break up, and I know I never can live with my ex again, I am still angered by her new relationship. It just doesn't make sense to me and I want to get over it. Such a peculiar mental twist. Maybe its just the grief process. I wish I could accelerate it. The biggest challenge to my sobriety yet.
This morning I woke up with a very negative "charged" feeling in my body, kind of dreading the day. I'm just kind of taking it hour by hour. I just hopes it gets easier with my ex. Soon. Even though I am the one who initiated our break up, and I know I never can live with my ex again, I am still angered by her new relationship. It just doesn't make sense to me and I want to get over it. Such a peculiar mental twist. Maybe its just the grief process. I wish I could accelerate it. The biggest challenge to my sobriety yet.
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