liamsafc1983

Its took me months to do this. And even now, it is very hard for me to type these words.

I'm unsure if I am an alcoholic, I know I have a bit of a drink problem, but where I live in the north east of England most people drink too much.

Its got out of hand for me over the last ten years, progressively. Drinking on my own, black outs, upsetting the people closest to me. Its only in the last few years I've thought, 'erm, what am I doing?'.

After a particularly daft couple of days in September last year I did something about it, admitted to my girlfriend, and my parents, that I realised I had an issue, it needed sorting out and I would do something about it. I went until December 22nd without a drink, went running regularly and started feeling good about myself. Which was brilliant.

From there, I started fooling myself that I could 'take it or leave it', and socially started drinking again. At first, it was no bother, a few here and there and I wasn't acting like a prat. From there it has developed back to lying about how much I've drank, where I have been, how much I have spent etc.

I appreciate, after reading this site in my darkest moments (which I don't want to get into on here right now), that I should have stuck
with it, and I don't really know why I have logged in on here now, but there you go. I'm not even sure I need help, or if it were offered to me that I'd go along with it.

Thanks for reading anyway.

Liam, age 31.

Verte

Welcome to SR Liam! I'm so happy that you are here because many can relate to the "do I or do I not have a problem" exasperation and can give lots of support and advice while you determine what's what. Removing the entire debate from my life by booting alcohol was thus far one of the most liberating decisions of my life. Phew. Done. You are in great company!

liamsafc1983

Thanks for your reply.

I'm in a daze with this to be honest. I know I need support but I'm not really the kind of person to ask for it or even welcome it when it appears.

I've been reading through the other threads on here the last few months and decided to discuss my problems with like minded people who are going through the same stuff might help.

Not sure how or if it will help me but it can't do any harm I suppose.

CaseyW

Nice to meet you, Liam! I wouldn't worry too much about whether the label "alcoholic" is right for you. If your drinking is causing problems in your life, you're in the right place. And it sure sounds like it is. There's a ton of great wisdom and support to be found on these forums. Hope you check in with us often!

liamsafc1983

Thanks. I appreciate that. I'm not an emotional lad but registering on here tonight and admitting my concerns has opened me up more than I'm used to.

site1Q84

Welcome Liam!

I'm not get about asking or taking help either, but after a lot of failed attempts to stay sober on my own, I've come to realize I need help or I won't be able to do it.
I also went back and forth about whether or not I have a problem. I could quit for a while, but whenever I took that first drink things got out of hand. Maybe not right away, but eventually I would be back to drinking too much, blacking out and hurting people I love. The fact that I can't control it after that first drinks really tells me I have a problem.

48heath

Welcome to SR liam.

It doesn't matter whether you are an Alcoholic or not,although when I read your post I related to it and I am definitely an Alcoholic.I identified with how after a period of sobriety,you drank again and it got worse and worse.

For me not drinking, has meant for the past 12 years there has been no trouble in my life,prior to that there was nothing but trouble.

I hope you stay on SR and decide to give sobriety a go.

Wishing you well.

liamsafc1983

Sounds similar to my situation then. I just think that every failure in my adult life, everything that has held me back, has began with my inability to control alcohol and it's effect on me. Yet time and time again I've allowed it to happen. And I know I will again. Because, that's what I do. Must be escapism I suppose. Anyway, I promise I will regularly check in here and thanks again for your messages of support, means a lot.

CaseyW

Doesn't have to be that way. There are thousands and thousands of folks on these forums who have proven that a sober, happy and complete life is possible for drinkers like us. You've taken the first step already. Give this way of life a chance.

liamsafc1983

Totally agree. And that is what I want ultimately. I know this sounds like I am justifying it but I'm not drinking every day, just when I do, it can last for 48 hours and in that time I do a lot of damage to friends and family. Still, I've managed to become pretty clever at it and minimise the impact on them which is, if I'm honest, the most worrying thing.

CaseyW

Sounds very tiring to me, Liam. Wishing you the best!

liamsafc1983

Thanks. Tomorrow is a new day and I won't be drinking. Will check in again soon. Good luck to you too. Speaking to you all has really helped!

Delilah1

Hi Liam,

I Liam,I'm have been there,many I am again. I am currently on day four, holding strong.

Hevyn

Welcome from me too Liam. I felt the same way you did about joining and speaking up on SR. I really didn't imagine that it could help much. Here I am, almost 8 yrs. later - and after a lifetime of drinking I'm free of it.

At 31 I still believed I could take it or leave it. I thought it was just a matter of willpower. I went on that way for many more years - and in the end, I was drinking every day. My life was out of control. I knew I couldn't fool myself any longer, thinking I could have just one or two. It's good that you're taking a look at what alcohol does to your life. I wish I had paid attention to the warning signs - my life would have been so different. Glad you are here.

BoutDamnTime

"I just think that every failure in my adult life, everything that has held me back, has began with my inability to control alcohol and it's effect on me."

I'm looking in a mirror here.

liamsafc1983

Sounds like your doing really well! Four days isn't easy when it's always there at the back of your mind. So well done!

liamsafc1983

Thanks, those words really give me hope and reassurance. It's appreciated.

liamsafc1983

Thank you. I'm genuinely taken aback by the kindness on here. It's made me feel a lot better tonight, which I really needed.

Soberpotamus

Welcome, Liam

liamsafc1983

Thanks, Jennie.