Bazaaro Me
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 346
Bazaaro Me
Last night I had a dream of an ex boyfriend, in the dream he was doing well.. Anyway, that relationship was doomed from the start, I was in heavy with the alcohol. He didn't drink, I drank for both of us. For some reason, he wanted to marry me, I took a job in another state and stopped talking to him completely. I suck for that, I crushed that guys heart. Well, here I am years later, I had a nice almost 2 years with out drinking, then started back, now trying again, I have been doing GREAT this week! I am now getting married in a couple months, life is good for me. Strangely I realize that the cats I have now are identical to the cats I had then, but opposite personalities. My now partner is kinda the opposite of him. Bazaar, right?Then I had that dream and the guilt I feel over our relationship today was really bad. This ended like 4 or 5 years ago, not sure if it was too late, but if it were me on the other end, I would have appreciated it. So, I decided to send him an e-mail:
Hello,
I don't even know if this is the right email, or if this will ever get to you. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused you. It was not right what I did just cutting you out like that. I guess I knew deep down that I didn't want to live in Texas the rest of my life, and I knew you did. I don't think you could ever believe that I could stop drinking, but I did. I live in Denver now and the mountains are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. I hope you have found someone who could love you more than I could have. I started seeing a therapist last year and it really helped me deal with a lot of ****, especially with family and coping mechanisms... Not sure why I am putting all of this in here. I guess I just wanted to say that when we were together, there was so so much I needed to do for my mental health before ever being able to make the commitment we were talking about. I didn't know how to communicate these things, so I guess there was no way for you to know. When I think of how you must have felt after we ended, I feel a deep stabbing pain in my chest knowing that I caused it, and although there is nothing I can do to, I do want to let you know I am sorry.
Then I signed my name, and sent it to a number of e-mails that may have been his... Well... I have an idea of what his e-mail was, so maybe he got it and maybe not. I am hoping this email will bring peace to the situation, after all, I can't change the past , right?
Hello,
I don't even know if this is the right email, or if this will ever get to you. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused you. It was not right what I did just cutting you out like that. I guess I knew deep down that I didn't want to live in Texas the rest of my life, and I knew you did. I don't think you could ever believe that I could stop drinking, but I did. I live in Denver now and the mountains are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. I hope you have found someone who could love you more than I could have. I started seeing a therapist last year and it really helped me deal with a lot of ****, especially with family and coping mechanisms... Not sure why I am putting all of this in here. I guess I just wanted to say that when we were together, there was so so much I needed to do for my mental health before ever being able to make the commitment we were talking about. I didn't know how to communicate these things, so I guess there was no way for you to know. When I think of how you must have felt after we ended, I feel a deep stabbing pain in my chest knowing that I caused it, and although there is nothing I can do to, I do want to let you know I am sorry.
Then I signed my name, and sent it to a number of e-mails that may have been his... Well... I have an idea of what his e-mail was, so maybe he got it and maybe not. I am hoping this email will bring peace to the situation, after all, I can't change the past , right?
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