Last chance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 43
Last chance
Hello everyone. I'm on day one of my new sober life and I've decided to try something different this time. I had about 10 months sober when I started drinking again in January. I thought I could control myself and we all know how well that works out. I could feel my drinking getting worse and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost complete control. That finally happened on Tuesday and I can only remember bits and pieces of the last two days. Luckily I have Tuesday and Wednesday off work so no work was missed in my binge drinking escapade. Now I'm withdrawling and can't sleep and have to work tonight. I am absolutely hating myself right now for drinking my weekend away and disappointing my boyfriend once again. He told me this is my last chance to get and stay sober or he is leaving. I'm honestly surprised he is giving me another chance. My guess is that he only is because we just bought a house together. Some girlfriend I am we are talking about having babies and getting married and I can't even stay sober. I have to this time because I'm afraid I will not survive another day of drinking. The little that I remember from the past two days is that I was contemplating some very scary stuff. I remember how happy I was when I was not drinking and I really wished I would have never started again. I'm hoping when I hit 10 months sober this time, this post will save me from slipping again. I got on here a little bit last time I got sober but never posted anything. I've got to try something different this time because I don't want to be where I am right now ever again. I think I'm rambling now so I will stop but I do look forward to being part of what appears to be a very supportive community.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome (back) to SR!
The good news is you don't ever have to feel this way again. You just have to stop believing that voice in your head that says next time will be different.
Hope you get a little sleep today!
You can do this.
The good news is you don't ever have to feel this way again. You just have to stop believing that voice in your head that says next time will be different.
Hope you get a little sleep today!
You can do this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR odisnow. Congrats on your 10 months, that's something you need to remember that you accomplished despite your return to drinking. You'll find a lot of support and understanding here, hope we can help you put together a plan to get back on track. The addiction/AV never really goes away for good..it just hides so you need to be prepared when it comes back to the surface.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 43
Thanks!
Thanks to each of you for reading my post and taking the time to reply. I do need to come up with a plan. Last time I didn't really struggle in the beginning. I enjoyed being sober. I started struggling through the holidays because everyone was drinking and I felt left out because I wasn't drinking. My boyfriend drinks a couple beers everyday so there is always alcohol in the house. That never bothered me. At home when he was drinking, I drank hot chocolate. Have any of you dealt with the feeling of being left out because your not drinking?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome to SR! 
I can relate to the feelings of being left out, sure. It crossed my mind this weekend, when I saw one of our friends with beer, that I was missing out on the "lake experience" by not being able to drink.
But I analyze what is actually going on here... it's my addiction talking, of course. And then I go further with it... what exactly am I missing out on? The buzz? Well, yeah. But much more than that too... I am missing out on being drunk, blacking out, tripping and falling, slurring my speech, embarrassing myself and all those around me, waking up not remembering much the next day, possibly puking in the toilet, a splitting headache, and then trying to piece together what happened and making the phone calls to smooth things over.
So, yeah, missing out on all that And then I realize, one or two drinks to get a buzz (which might not even happen due to high tolerance) might be an hour long thing... and then there's all that hell to pay for it. I'll be racked with guilt and ready to drown my sorrows the next day or two, which will get the balling rolling again toward active alcoholism.
So, I have to remind myself of the entire picture The larger perspective is that it's a terrible idea for me to have a few.
Welcome to the forum. Figuring out a plan now is the smartest thing you can do
I can relate to the feelings of being left out, sure. It crossed my mind this weekend, when I saw one of our friends with beer, that I was missing out on the "lake experience" by not being able to drink.
But I analyze what is actually going on here... it's my addiction talking, of course. And then I go further with it... what exactly am I missing out on? The buzz? Well, yeah. But much more than that too... I am missing out on being drunk, blacking out, tripping and falling, slurring my speech, embarrassing myself and all those around me, waking up not remembering much the next day, possibly puking in the toilet, a splitting headache, and then trying to piece together what happened and making the phone calls to smooth things over.
So, yeah, missing out on all that
And then I realize, one or two drinks to get a buzz (which might not even happen due to high tolerance) might be an hour long thing... and then there's all that hell to pay for it. I'll be racked with guilt and ready to drown my sorrows the next day or two, which will get the balling rolling again toward active alcoholism.So, I have to remind myself of the entire picture
The larger perspective is that it's a terrible idea for me to have a few. Welcome to the forum. Figuring out a plan now is the smartest thing you can do
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by SoberJennie 
Welcome to SR!
I can relate to the feelings of being left out, sure. It crossed my mind this weekend, when I saw one of our friends with beer, that I was missing out on the "lake experience" by not being able to drink.
But I analyze what is actually going on here... it's my addiction talking, of course. And then I go further with it... what exactly am I missing out on? The buzz? Well, yeah. But much more than that too... I am missing out on being drunk, blacking out, tripping and falling, slurring my speech, embarrassing myself and all those around me, waking up not remembering much the next day, possibly puking in the toilet, a splitting headache, and then trying to piece together what happened and making the phone calls to smooth things over.
So, yeah, missing out on all that And then I realize, one or two drinks to get a buzz (which might not even happen due to high tolerance) might be an hour long thing... and then there's all that hell to pay for it. I'll be racked with guilt and ready to drown my sorrows the next day or two, which will get the balling rolling again toward active alcoholism.
So, I have to remind myself of the entire picture The larger perspective is that it's a terrible idea for me to have a few.
Welcome to the forum. Figuring out a plan now is the smartest thing you can do
I can relate to the feelings of being left out, sure. It crossed my mind this weekend, when I saw one of our friends with beer, that I was missing out on the "lake experience" by not being able to drink.
But I analyze what is actually going on here... it's my addiction talking, of course. And then I go further with it... what exactly am I missing out on? The buzz? Well, yeah. But much more than that too... I am missing out on being drunk, blacking out, tripping and falling, slurring my speech, embarrassing myself and all those around me, waking up not remembering much the next day, possibly puking in the toilet, a splitting headache, and then trying to piece together what happened and making the phone calls to smooth things over.
So, yeah, missing out on all that
And then I realize, one or two drinks to get a buzz (which might not even happen due to high tolerance) might be an hour long thing... and then there's all that hell to pay for it. I'll be racked with guilt and ready to drown my sorrows the next day or two, which will get the balling rolling again toward active alcoholism.So, I have to remind myself of the entire picture
The larger perspective is that it's a terrible idea for me to have a few. Welcome to the forum. Figuring out a plan now is the smartest thing you can do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 43
you are correct that's exactly what it would turn into for me. I will keep that in mind next time I'm feeling left out and remind myself that I can't have just one because that will eventually become me drinking my weekend away or worse.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to SR Odisnow. This community is a great source for support. Don't be shy about being active either. Each time I relapsed I found I spent less and less time here at SR.
You've got the power to make this change for good.
Glad you found us.
You've got the power to make this change for good.
Glad you found us.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, Odisnow! Sounds like you're ready to make a change. This is a great place to get some support and wisdom from folks from all over the world who understand what addiction and sobriety both are about.
Glad you've already joined us in the Class of May 2015. Look forward to getting to know you better!
Glad you've already joined us in the Class of May 2015. Look forward to getting to know you better!
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