My relapse story
Practice Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
My relapse story
Hello. I am Mcribb and I am an alcoholic and addict. I was sober off of booze for 4 years. Things started to go down hill when I started to really hate AA. I felt people around me were lazy and I kept going to meetings but I started to slip. I went to meetings 2-3 times a week and talked to my sponsor weekly. I stopped doing the 12th step and I started working my way back. I have never been really happy in my sobriety although I had glimpses of peace. I was never going to touch booze but I felt like pills gave me a bit of a relief. I started drinking cough syrup with no alcohol in it because I was o.k. with it. I was ok with anything but strong pills booze and drugs. So I was crazy and at bottom when I started drinking cough syrup DM. It was a crazy ride. I ended up in a psych ward. It wasn't good. I gave up the fight to control the situation when my sister came over after I shared on facebook. I called my sponsor and family and I had to ask for strength as they were upset and I obviously was a mess. Luckily my family knows how hard I work to stay sober and they saw I was willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. I started the steps over with my sponsor and I know I need to tell people when I am doing bad. After 4 years of being sober I just got tired of telling people when I was depressed or had anxiety. I completely give my life over to my sponsor and A.A. again and I am as honest as possible. I am working to get my anxiety and depression better along with the AA program. I have anxiety, depression, terrible diet, and I don't sleep well. I hope if someone is drinking cough syrup and thinking they are sober they are lying to themselves. Alcoholism works like cough syrup. I am glad I wasn't screwed up enough to see that I need to turn my life over to the care of people who love me and I need to listen to people close to me. My mind just doesn't work correctly. I was grateful for the ride and I have people talking to me about how they quit booze but now are taking pills or doing other stuff that isn't good. I think this happened for a reason and I am grateful I have no shape or remorse. I was praying as hard as I could doing what my sponsor told me to do I just had my judgement clouded and that is my fault. It is a one day at a time thing and it can sneak up on you. The best thing I did is just admit my relapse and start over as best as I could. I wanted to lie about the cough syrup but I am done with that game. I knew the drill of giving up lying about my problem. No one gave me too much heat because I was so willing to work with people to get better. My dad is a saint for helping me because he could have gotten really mad. Everyone could have gotten mad but they didn't. My family never saw me really bad because I left town at a young age. It freaked them out but they met my sponsor and he told them how much he knows me and that it will be o.k. I have a tough road ahead of me but I don't think it can get worse than my end of boozing days at 29 and my end of cough syrup at 34. Don't be hard on yourself. Keep your eyes on what is directly in front of you. Don't let money or fear stand in your way to addressing anxiety and depression. Never feel bad venting to your sponsor and never give up on your sobriety. That is the only thing that will kill you is if you quit working. Peace, Love, I live Anna and I love the thousands of people on this site. I have been coming for along time. If you have long term sobriety and you are feeling down just try to grasp what it was like for a guy in the psych ward. It was not good. Enjoy your life. Have good self-talk. Above all just love other people and yourself. When people are bad just keep loving them.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
