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Meeting my neighbor

Old 05-18-2015, 05:16 PM
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Meeting my neighbor

I have a friend a few doors down who is aware that I don't drink. She told me that my next door neighbor also does not drink. I know this is a weird conversation to have, but it came up when my friend a few doors down asked if i wanted any wine or beer while hanging out. I have quite a few friends, none of whom drink when I am around, even though I didn't ask them not to.
My question is how do i meet this next door neighbor? I have lived next to her for a year and never said more than hi, how are you and very brief conversations. Im pretty social but i hate initiating the conversation unless people are stuck in the same room as I am. She is only a few yrs older than me, looks like me and dresses like me! I DO NOT WANT TO start a conversation talking about SOBRIETY! And i don't want her to know that the other neighbir is talking about her.
She is going through a divorce, but i only learned that after her husband (who is a police officer) moved out and returned last week and had the police (his own dept) called on him. She doesnt know i know she is going through a divorce, but prob thinks i assume bc well, her husband has not been living there for some time.
Advice??!! Thanks
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Old 05-18-2015, 05:22 PM
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Maybe just say hi again? I don't think it needs to be all that complicated.
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Old 05-18-2015, 05:24 PM
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I don't know, but here when first getting to know someone, we generally start by sharing food. So you make a nice dinner, and you bring a plate over to whoever you're trying to get to know.. If they like you, they'll return the favour, and things just build from there.

That's not really much of a Western thing though I guess, eh?
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Old 05-18-2015, 05:26 PM
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Ask if you can bring over a plate of cookies, or oranges or something like that. Just introduce yourself and say hello.
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Old 05-18-2015, 05:40 PM
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Since you've lived next to each other for a year and haven't met.....and it's gardening season, how about asking if she want a start of a plant from your garden, or let her know you bought extra plants, and would she like some?
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Old 05-18-2015, 09:14 PM
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Since she looks and dresses like you, you might want to tell her how great she looks...

Funny how easy this was growing up, now we put way too much thought into it. Just tell her you love her hair or her outfit and where did she get it (done)? Always a great conversation starter with women. Tell her you bought too much groceries and maybe she wants to join you for dinner.

I don't think you have to be wary of the conversation then turning to your shared sobriety. Maybe when dinner's ready, you mention not to have wine with it because you quit, ask what she likes instead. Most newly sober people start out feeling lonely and having to learn how to make new sober friends, chances are she's no different!

And, people gossip, they just do. If I were her, I'd rather have someone ask about personal things straight up out of curiosity, than make assumptions behind my back. Do you see a lot of friends coming to visit her, or does she go out often? Sounds like she's going through a lot, she might really appreciate your effort, and if not, no harm in trying, right?
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Old 05-18-2015, 09:55 PM
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You guys gave some awesome suggestions! Thanks so much. As a dentist, half of my job is making a bit of small talk so people feel personal attachment and keep coming back (along w quality work of course!). The conversation, I will do fine at... It's the icebreaker... I feel like i have a high school crush re: my nerves in meeting her (minus sexual attraction). Im not usually like that!
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