jessicajo8504

Hello all! I have recently moved into a "dry" college campus. "DRY" being the key word. That means no alcohol or drugs allowed on campus. Well apparently the thought of getting kicked out and going to jail if being caught doesn't stop my roommate. I have only 19 days sober and clean and it is killing me watching her come in high and/or drunk on a nightly basis. I can smell it on her and my mouth waters. I have tried to explain to her my situation, my trying to stay clean. It just seems like college has turned out to be my worst nightmare with my recovery. There is nothing to do here in this town besides for use in one form or another. I have went to a few meetings here in town but about 50% of the people there were ****** up. I would be able to understand if they were there for thier first meeting but they had claimed to be clean for months and a few of them years. I keep in touch with my sponser and that helps out a lot, but being so newly clean and being where i can get my DOC or any other kind that I want and a drop of a hat is just eating at me and in the wrong way. Well I don't know if anyone here can relate or not but I just needed to get that off my chest and there isn't a meeting tonight anywhere near so thanks for listening to me.

TorontoGuy28

Hi Jessica......

Just a thought, but could you talk to your residence people about moving in with someone else ? I HATED the guy who I was paired up with my first year and after raising enough hell, they gave me a single room....

All the best..........

sickk&tired

Hi Jessica-

I just want to say I admire you for recognizing your problem early on in life. I'm 25, and I only WISH I had realized I was out of control at 19 =).

About your roomate; you should definitely look into moving asap. Or look at it this way: imagine how horrible she's going to feel in the morning when she's hung over from the previous night drug fest, while you enjoy your hang-over free morning. Stay strong and my thoughts are with you.

Kit

Hi Jessica,

Kit

Sorry about that -- not sure why that happens to me. Anyway, Sick and Toronto are right. Try to get away from your roomate. Sounds like she's pretty busy getting messed up and won't even notice the difference. Hang in there. You are doing AWESOME!!!!
Love, Kit

Sandy Marie

Hi Jessicajo,
I agree someone needs to move, but I hate that you're the one being punished. Most RA's are bright enough to pick up on unacceptable behavior. Maybe you could arrange for your RA to make an unannounced courtesy stop by your room either to search the room or when your roommate is their using. Then your roommate would have to quit using or move out instead of you. Just another suggestion. I hate it that you're being punished for doing the right thing. I know I'd be really angry if someone was jeopardizing my sobriety. It's hard enough as is. Congrats, by the way, on staying clean.
Sandy

Chy

Continue to work hard and have faith in yourself. Excellent advice form TG, try to find another roomate and see if they will move you. No need to go into the gory details just say this roomate is comprimising your ability to concentrate on school. *hugs*

CarrieSueBee

Hi Jessica,
Gosh, college has gotta be a tough living situation. I agree with the comments above. Someone should move. If your roomie's behavior is threatening your health, then perhaps she should move. Look at it this way, if you had a lung disease like emphasema and your roomie smoked, shouldn't that situation be changed? (Answer: YES!)
Addicts have a disease. It sia serious, lifethreatening disease. It is not simply past bad judgment and overindulging or too much partying. As we know, it is much more complicated than that.

If you are at college, you are used to "cracking books" so try cracking the phone book to see if there is a number for AA in there or (NA whatever your deal is) and see if maybe there isn't another meeting you can get to that feels like a better fit.

Last but not least, sometimes it is those F'ed up people at the meetings that make me realize how lucky I am to be sober. They are a living brething example of what happens to you if you continue on the path of using and drinking. It ain't pretty.

You seem really smart though, to have recognized your illness and to know what temptations exist in your living situation. Ask for help dealing with it. Request a change. Your roommate isn't grown up enough to figure out her problem and your obligation is to save yourself first.

godsonmyside

Living situations when paired by a computercand be not so fun. Good idea to look into that. If 50% of the meeting is not all there, at least the other 50% is, and recovery is then possible. Keep in tough with your sponsor, go to meeting, work the steps and DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT!! Life will get better and you will get by those small obsticales.

_erin

I'm fortunate enough that I don't have to live on campus, but I am still around all the college students who constantly talk about partying. This is a difficult time for anyone who has a problem with substances because it really does seem like everyone is doing it.

Sandy Marie

Don't buy into it Erin. It's a convincing illusion though. You be a good girl now. {LOL}

Patsyd1

Hi Jessica,

This is one of those situations that can be confusing. I would like to say congrats to you on your sobriety. Jessica, do whatever you have to do to take care of YOU and your sobriety. If that means moving out and getting a new roommate, then do it. One of the hardest things that I had to learn was to take care of me and do what was necessary to stay sober, clean and true to myself.

Jessica, as someone already mentioned, there are 50 % of the people who are sober and clean. Get to the meetings, and stick with the winners. Get their phone numbers and call them.

Taking care of you means to make decisions that are in your best interest when it comes to staying sober, sometimes one moment at a time. Put your own sobriety in the number one slot on the top of your priority list, and then put that into action and do what you need to do for you....today.


Patsy

Patsyd1

The truth is that I just didn't know anyone who was sober or didn't use. I had chosen my friends carefully when I was using, and if they didn't drink and drug, then I didn't want to know them. LOL

When I took my sobriety serious, I began to make different choices in friends and places that I chose.

When I focused on staying sober, I was absolutely amazed at how many people didn't drink or use.

No Erin, everyone is not partying. The key is to focus on you and your own sobriety and then focus on finding the people, places and things that are not into partying with alcohol and drugs. There are many who are having a wonderful time without alcohol and drugs involved. There are many young people's AA meetings today, perhaps you can locate some of those meetings and begin attending.

Patsy

jessicajo8504

Hi everyone...I am just checking in. Thanks for all your help, everyone. Next week is the week I can put in a roommate change request NQA (no questions asked). They said that they will try their hardest to find me or her a new room but they also told me that if they can't I will just have to stick it out. I have already decided that if they don't move me out I will raise some hell until they do. I servived my second weekend at school. I am now 25 days clean. Each day is truely a miracle. I went to my home NA group last week and saw my sponsor as well. It was a great night! We did the 10th step, pretty much. We went around the table and answerd the questions. I had the question "Is there anything that you need to thank God for today?" I don't know what all I said but I remember smiling and crying at the same time. It was great! I am thankful today that I am still sober after one hell of a crazy weekend. I just wanted to thank everyone for their input and I am still working on the roommate situation. I will do whatever it takes because this whole college situation is new and with only 25 sober days it is killing me seeing all the drugs and alcohol around. Thanks everyone for your input.

Sandy Marie

Hi Jessica,
You're doing great! My freshman son came home from his first week in college. He said there's plenty of alcohol flowing from the sophomore dorm across from him. Luckily he's rooming with a non-drinking friend. Good luck to you as you continue with your studies and sobriety. You're doing great and have a good set of values.
Sandy

CarrieSueBee

Jessica,
You hang in there, girl! You have a MEDICAL reason to need to change roommates. If they don't change you NQA, state your legit medical reason to change.
It is no different than having a roommage who wears a perfume that makes you break out in hives. She has somewhat of a legal right to wear her perfume, but it has a profound impact on your health.

Don't stop until you get a change. Go up the latter with your request until you reach the Dean...or Board of Trustees of the school (sometimes called a Board of Regents)....and don't forget, putting things (requests) in writing!

You have a legitimate request to live a healthy, clean and sober lifestyle at their college and that is a completely reasonable request!

jessicajo8504

Another update everyone. I am still in the same room with the same roommate. I am fearing for my recovery right now. I am starting to give in little by little. Last night she was in the room. Telling me another going out story. And again, my mouth began to water and I started licking my lips again. She told me about a party in a few days. I have not used, and today is day 27. I am begging to feel the pain once again. The pain of not using. College is getting to me every day, little by little. I have been trying to find meetings around town but the closes one is 2 miles away from campus and I do not have a car and class doesn't get out soon enough for me to have time to walk 2 miles. I am, hopefully, going home tommorow to my home group meeting, which ALWAYS gives me hope. I am in some major help. I slept straight through my first class this morning, with my alarm clock going off the whole time. I havn't really slept since I have been here because of two reasons, one being stress (of course), and two being the cravings. They are so intese. I know that I, in retrospect, am early into recovery and cravings are bound to happen, but they are really intese with what seems like everyone around me using, abusing, and doing my DOC. I have to run to my class, litterally run it starts in 10 min. I will be back as soon as it is over. I would appreciate any experience strenght and hope that I could get. I just woke up and can already tell that it is going to be one of those days, unless I can make it better myself. Thanks for everything you all have given me so far and what you will give me in the future.
Lots of love,
Jess

jessicajo8504

Ok everyone. Another update. I am on day -1. I screwed up. I gave in to temptation, because of a bad day. I am going to try and start over, but really can't promise anything because this is the worst part, coming down. My roommate woke me up from a nap about 5 or 6 days ago with my DOC and I couldn't resist. I gave into the addiction and I can already see where it is screwing up my life again. I hope that I can still get some encouragement from you all. And most of all I am sorry.

Jess

lulu70

Hey Jess--you do NOT need to apologize to any of us. You made a mistake. But you DO need to get out of that situation RIGHT AWAY!!! Can you call someone to come and get you? College is not worth your recovery. In fact, you will not even be able to do college if you are in active use again. I am not trying to sound harsh, but I am truly worried for you. I flunked out of college because I was in active addiction and when I was finally ready to go back again I had one hell of a hole to dig myself out of.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing!!!

Hugs--

mountaingirl

OH Jess, so sorry that you were sabotaged. Who is your roommate, the devil? Jeeze, what kind of psycho would wake up a sleeping alky with a DOC? Babe, get your things and move out. You know what's good for you.
Another suggestion. I also went to a school where drinking, smoking, etc., were against the rules. If I were you I'd rat your roommate out. I know, easier said than done, but you don't need people like that for anything.
Maya Angelou said this: when people show you who they are, believe them. I think your roommate has shown themselves to be a bad person. Get out.
By the way, you showed who you really are by coming back here and starting over. You rock, Jess.